Jun 20 2007 Marc Forster Bald, Directing Next Bond Movie
Peek-a-boo, bitch.
The producers of Bond 22, the follow-up to Casino Royale, have officially announced that Marc Forster will direct. Forster previously worked on Stranger Than Fiction, which was a lot better than I expected and actually gave Will Farrell something new to do, Finding Neverland, which touched my heart like not even Flappy could, and Monster's Ball, for which Halle Berry's tits won an Academy Award.
Forster also directed the upcoming Kite Runner movie and starred in a fantasy of mine where he oiled up his bald head and rubbed it on my man parts.
May 9 2007 Bourne Ultimatum Trailer
"Matt Da-mon!"
Kung fu! Motorcycles! Bad puns! The guy from Good Will Hunting! That's right, retards, it's Bourne Ultimatum trailer time. If you ever wondered what it would be like if they made James Bond without the charm, or xXx without black people, here's your answer.
Mar 8 2007 ER Heartthrob Up For Bond Villainy
According to a Croation newspaper, Goran Visnjic, star of ER, may be the villain in the next James Bond film after he impressed those involved with the film with his audition for Casino Royale.
It is rumoured that Goran's agent has confirmed the star is working on something massive and will be taking a well earned break from ER in late 2007. It is rumoured that Goran will be playing Vesper Lynd's former love interest and that his role will be sizable, menacing and significant to the plot of the upcoming Bond adventure.
This casting news comes as--wait a minute... ER is still on the air?
NOTE: Identifying Goran as a heartthrob did nothing to diminish my masculinity. Who are you to judge?
Jan 5 2007 Golden Compass Stills
Tons of stills from the first chapter of the His Dark Materials trilogy, The Golden Compass, have been released. The images show stars Nicole Kidman and pre-humanoid James Bond in costume, as well as providing proof of the Sam Elliott acting clause: "I'll be in your movie, but I'm wearing a f***ing cowboy hat. Deal."
Nov 28 2006 The Identity of the Next Bond Villain?
If The Mirror is the Bible of fact that I know it is, and if Scott of InsomniacMania is the thorough, critical reader I know him to be, and if Eva Green actually knows what she's talking about, she may have revealed the identity of the next Bond villain! The actress told the tabloid that spy's nemesis in the next movie will be the boyfriend of the character she played in Casino Royale.
If this is true, I consider it a victory to boyfriends everywhere. I mean, when it comes down to it, Bond is really just the ultimate embodiment of the douchebag who hits on your girlfriend at a party. Sure, he's just talking, maybe trying to get some information on a villain mastermind's secret headquarters, but does he have to keep dropping how he's a spy, and showing off how his cuff links can shoot poisoned darts? And now he wants to take her around the block in his Aston Martin? Go right ahead. I'm not jealous. Oh, you've got a British accent, too? Yeah, you're really f***ing cool. It's about time a boyfriend sticks it to James Bond.
Nov 28 2006 Bond. James Bond, Mrs. Robinson.
While Daniel Craig has been receiving high praises for his tough-guy portrayal of James Bond in Casino Royale, there's still at least one man convinced he could do it better: Dustin Hoffman. When asked recently about roles he'd like to tackle, the actor said...
Oh there's a few, yeah, James Bond! Because I don't think he's ever been played correctly! When you get a part and you're an actor you look at the frame of the part and it's defined, you're supposed to play what it says it is - no one has ever played him for what he is - he's an assassin, he'll kill anybody that he's told to kill and he doesn't care who it is! He'll screw any girl jumping off the curb, he's a womaniser, he doesn't really like women, he bangs them once and that's it!
I can see his point about Bond being more of a ruthless womanizer, and I agree wholeheartedly that such a character can only be portrayed by a short, awkward, Jewish 70-year-old.
May 9 2006 James Bond's New Ride: The Aston Martin DBS
When your penis is as small as mine, you've got to make up for it with a feigned interest in sports cars. Thus, I present you with some official images of James Bond and his new car to be featured in Casino Royale, the Aston Martin DBS. Sweet! It's definitely an elegant, sporty ride, but I'm not sure it fits entirely with the aesthetic of the rest of the film. I just can't see new Bond Daniel Craig driving this thing. I picture him in more of a barrel with wheels attached, throwing banana peels at pursuing villains--like Donkey Kong. While we're at it, he might as well be naked except for a tie, too.
Observe the overuse of suede in the interior behind the cut.
Continue Reading " James Bond's New Ride: The Aston Martin DBS "
May 1 2006 James Bond Casino Royale Teaser Poster
If you've been saving a spot on your bedroom wall between the album art to Dark Side of the Moon and a busty girl covered in suds, wait no longer--the poster to Casino Royale has arrived. I understand this is a prequel, but again, did they have to revert to a pre-humanoid Bond for this one? In this particular shot, our simian hero has reached a rather dramatic point of the game, placing his gun on the line, when he's tragically distracted by an exceptionally large banana. "Wha-what is that?" he mutters, nearly dropping his cards. The fully-evolved villain Le Chiffre grins. "They don't call it Casino Royale for having small bananas, Bond."
Mar 28 2006 John Travolta's Nephew to Play Thor?
In more superhero casting news, Rikki Lee Travolta, nephew of John Travolta, is rumored to have been cast in the title role of the Marvel Comics adaptation of Thor:
The Broadway, New York star, who was among those considered to play JAMES BOND after producers decided to dump PIERCE BROSNAN, has been a favourite to play the Nordic hero for some time - and now it appears he will star in the project.
I honestly thought we'd reached the point where wig technologies would allow us to base casting on something other than having the appropriate hair length. If this rumor is true, this man was clearly chosen entirely for his being a long-haired douche bag. I'll have to keep my eyes peeled to Rikki Lee's official site, Travoltanet, to find out of there's an official statement, as well as to boost my own self-confidence.
As bad as this casting might be, let's try to put aside our own feelings to recognize some who may be taking it even worse. Such as the little girl from Adventures in Babysitting.
Mar 13 2006 James Bond's Dad Defends Him
How sad is it when your parents have to defend your casting in a motion picture? Ask Daniel Craig. His father, speaking to the Sunday Mirror, denied rumors that the actor is afraid of guns, cars, boats, and anything else that has trade shows:
"It is all cobblers," he says, of reports that Daniel is terrified of speed boats, can only drive automatic cars and got his knocked out in his first fight while filming Casino Royale. "Daniel is a hard lad - you wouldn't want to meet him in a dark street. Is he a wimp? No, I wouldn't like to call him that to his face. As for the idea he doesn't like guns... when he was younger he would play with a toy gun like any other boy."
So there you go. Everyone can stop criticizing Daniel Craig now, since his father has said it's "all cobblers." If this goes half as well as when my mom came to school and said I couldn't shower in gym class due to a medical condition, he'll only have to deal with three wedgies and half of a severe beating, cruelly performed in the very gym shower I refused to use.
Mar 10 2006 Casino Royale Publicity Shots
A new batch of shots from the new Bond, Casino Royale, have been released here, including more of Daniel Craig as Bond, Judi Dench as M, and the one we've all been clamoring for: a woman in a bikini petting a horse (seriously).
Until these shots, I hadn't realized what a cretin Daniel Craig was. This is James Bond? Between his simian little ears, the low-hanging brow, and dumbfounded look, he looks genuinely de-evolved. The only way he can work in a Bond movie is if they make it in prehistoric caveman times with a Cro-Magnon Bond. And the best part still wouldn't be him, but when Q pulls out one of his amazing gadgets, and it's just fire, or a club, or a stone sharpened into a cutting tool, and we all laugh, because cavemen are stupid.
Mar 3 2006 Casino Royale Photos
Over here, they've posted some new pictures from the set of Casino Royale, showing the look of James Bond, James Bond Girl, and James Bond Car, all together for the first time. After rumors of casting problems and a public outcry against Daniel Craig playing 007, there were some that doubted if this whole thing would work out at all. I'm happy to report that after seeing these images, I'm sure skeptics will finally see that Craig can pull-off standing awkwardly next to a car, looking schlumpy.
Jan 10 2006 Tarantino Invented James Bond
According to the Sunday Mirror, Quentin Tarantino has said he is quite upset about the upcoming Bond movie, Casino Royale, because he conceived many of the ideas being used. From the article:
I'm annoyed that the James Bond producers never even called me up to talk to me about it because I can tell you they would not be making Casino Royale if I hadn't talked about it first.
They should have called me. Especially since they are taking my idea and they are taking the publicity I gave them towards that idea. They should have at least out of courtesy had coffee with me.
Among the ideas stolen from Q.T.: James Bond having cool inventions, James Bond shooting people, James Bond having sex with various women, James Bond driving cool cars, James bond fighting a rich, sophisticated villain with an extensive organization of thugs, and saying, "Bond. James Bond."
Among the ideas not stolen: Extensive anime sequences and Samuel L. Jackson.
Tarantino Furious With Bond Producers [Digital Spy]
