Jul 27 2009 Talking Guinea Pigs Last Weekend's Most Popular Film Subject
Here's last weekend's box office top five. Rattle these numbers off at your next party to show your guests you assign some of your memory to remembering how well The Ugly Truth performed financially.
1. G-Force - $32.2 million. The CGI rodent + speech formula continues to work disgustingly well.
2. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince - $30 million. The star that has all its fan see it opening night burns fastest, Harry.
3. The Ugly Truth - $27 million. Now we can stop those commercials where the characters' actions are arbitrarily assigned gender points? How does Gerard Butler winking earn a point for men?
4. Orphan - $12.8 million. I didn't see this, but I heard about the ending, and it's simultaneously both more out-there and more grounded than I ever would have thought.
5. Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs - $8.2 million. It seems unfair Orphan got flack for discouraging adoption but Ice Age didn't. Think about if you adopted a kid and had to take them to see Ray Ramano as a mammoth.
Weekend Box Office Results [Box Office Mojo]
Jul 20 2009 Your Weekend Box Office Top Five
Use these weekend box office figures to determine if you, a studio executive, can afford that new boat:
1. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince - The only way a Harry Potter movie wouldn't open at #1 is if people's heads started exploding when watching the Quidditch scenes. But that didn't happen, so it made $79.5 million
2. Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs - $17.7 million. Time to move on beyond the Ice Age and use CGI and Ray Romano to make a representation of EVERY age, so that we can finally throw away our history books and replace them all with charming family films.
3. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen - $13.8 million, easily besting last week's winner, Bruno, even though, if you pay attention, this film actually has far more exposed penises.
4. Bruno - $8.3 million, taking a massive, 73% drop. I guess the old Irish guy's admonition worked in scaring everyone off.
5. The Hangover - $8.3 million. I had no idea this would remain in the top 5 for so long. There's absolutely nothing else to comment about it. You win, The Hangover.
Weekend Box Office Results [Box Office Mojo]
Jul 13 2009 'Bruno' Wins Box Office, "Is Nice!" (Like How Bruno Says)
The top five movies in the country, in order of both box office gross and likelihood of there being a funny voice at any given point in the film:
1. Bruno - $30.4 million. According to research, "the main reasons people checked off for seeing the movie were the "Humor" (74 percent), Sacha Baron Cohen (57 percent), Borat (52 percent) and the "Outrageousness" (50 percent)," which is surprising, because how do 50% of people list "outrageousness" among their criteria for anything?
2. Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs - $28.5 million, and each ticket sold was voiced by Brad Garrett for some reason.
3. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen - $24.2 million. Who would have expected the Fallen's revenge would be living well?
4. Public Enemies - $14.1 million. Who wants to see Christian Bale face off against someone as pedestrian as John Dillinger? The guy's fought Terminators and Jokers! At least give Dillinger infrared vision or something.
5. The Proposal - $10.5 million, reasserting that marriage is both beautiful and hilarious.
Weekend Box Office Results [Box Office Mojo]
Jul 6 2009 'Transformers 2' Still America's Favorite Thing to Pay to View
So close, Ice Age. So close. The weekend box office:
1. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen - $42.3 million. Continuing our nation's great tradition of celebrating our independence by watching explosions. And robots that turn into construction vehicles.
2. Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs - $41.7 million--unusually high numbers for a historical-fiction piece.
3. Public Enemies - $25.3 million. I suspect it could have done better if the advertising did a better job pointing out that, in this version of the story, Dillinger uses riddles to antagonize Purvis, who is Batman.
4. The Proposal - $12.9 million. If your girlfriend dragged you to this, don't necessarily assume she's hinting that she wants you to propose; she may just have very dull taste in movies.
5. The Hangover - $11.3 million, probably paid largely by people with actual Fourth of July hangovers.
Weekend Box Office Results [Box Office Mojo]
Mar 25 2009 'Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs' Dark Horse in "Most Disgusting, Inappropriate Joke in a Kids' Movie" Contest
Just when the makers of Alvin and the Chipmunks thought they had it locked with the inclusion of a poop-eating joke, along comes Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs with a scene that, while debatably more inappropriate, is definitely more Kingpin-inspired:
Feb 23 2009 A Few Seconds of a Bunch of Upcoming Movies
If you made it to the end of the Oscars--or more likely, if you dozed off and were awakened by the credit sequence's jamming guitar--the night's reward was a three-minute movie preview sequence. For some of the films (Public Enemies, Whatever Works), it was a first look at scenes from highly-anticipated projects. For others (Old Dogs!), it was the warning: oh god, Robin Williams and John Travolta made some kind of boot camp comedy, and it's called Old Dogs. Here it is:
Continue Reading " A Few Seconds of a Bunch of Upcoming Movies "
Nov 21 2008 'Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs' Trailer Hides Prehistorical Inaccuracies
Man, how many times have I seen a girl I was attracted to, mugged her, and entered into a suicide pact with her, only to have her re-steal what I rightfully stole and leave me to a violent demise, heartbroken and alone? Probably one hundred times. That's why this Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs trailer really speaks to me:
Continue Reading " 'Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs' Trailer Hides Prehistorical Inaccuracies "
Nov 20 2008 'Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs' Poster Fulfills Your Celebrity-Voiced Talking Animal Needs
I hope that female rat-squirrel thing sexually confuses a lot of kids, like how the female gremlin in Gremlins 2: The New Batch did with me. God, she was so beautiful: those full lips, that sexy body--but also, a horrible gremlin. Or, in this case, a rat-squirrel thing. What's a pre-adolescent to think? Good luck, kids.
New Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs Poster [Coming Soon]
Mar 24 2008 'Ice Age 3' Trailer as Powerful Allegory
Though a bit dark and shaky, this bootleg of the Ice Age 3 teaser trailer gives some hope for the seemingly unnecessary sequel. While I had assumed this was just another broad attempt at making some money based on the franchise's baffling popularity, this trailer reveals the film to be a brilliant post-modern examination of the its own creation, told through hilarious, rat-based comedy.
Beginning with a long, swooping shot of a stark arctic landscape--clearly representative of the hopelessly barren mind of the writer--we're eventually reintroduced to that little rat character (i.e., desperation) everyone is so fond of. In his typical, laugh-inducing fashion, Desperation the Rat strains against the cold, biting winds of dignity in the hopes of reaching his precious acorn (a paycheck, obviously). Will he be able to fight the harsh chill of self-respect yet again? Keep watching!
Continue Reading " 'Ice Age 3' Trailer as Powerful Allegory "
Mar 17 2008 'Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs' Poster
OK, I've gotten over a lot of my initial anger that Ice Age 3 introduces dinosaurs after mammals, and that they're skyscraper size. Now I'm just a bit annoyed that they stopped there. Why not an even larger, robot dinosaur behind this one, maybe with some U.S. presidents riding on its back? Or just pack all the mammals in a jeep and recreate that chase scene from Jurassic Park, only the dinosaur has the face of Jim Cramer, and it's shouting stock advice. My point is, if you're going to completely ignore historical accuracy, at least have some fun with the blatant stupidity.
Ice Age 3 Poster [Coming Soon]
Mar 10 2008 'Ice Age 3' Has Dinosaurs, Apparently
It's hard to say it much better than Meg, who sent this in: "New poster for Ice Age 3. What the hell?"
What the hell indeed. I only have vague memories of catching part of Ice Age on TV, but I don't remember there being dinosaurs. So they're just adding dinosaurs, now? I'm not saying a cartoon has to be history book-accurate, but come on, at least have some consistency. I'll graciously accept a Flintstones-style world--where man meets dinosaur meets mammoth meets the voice of Ray Ramano--but you have to start me there. To begin with a reasonably faithful vision of early mammals and then say, "You know what? Besides using one to open a stubborn can, I'm basically out of sabre-tooth tiger jokes. How about we add dinosaurs?" is more lazy and insulting than usual. Adding dinosaurs after mammals? Come on. And why is it so big? Is this like Godzilla or an actual dinosaur? Do they know the difference? What the hell?
