Nov 18 2009 New 'Wolfman' Poster: Very Telling Cane Choice
If I were a wolfman, I would NEVER use a wolf cane. Or even if I'm not wolfman, if there's a wolfman issue going on locally, still not using a wolf cane. Casts too much suspicion on myself. If you're in an area with a werewolf, get yourself a cane with whatever the opposite of a wolf is on it. Maybe a toddler?
The Wolfman Poster 3 [IMPA]
Nov 2 2009 'Blair Witch' Guys Ready To Show 'Paranormal Activity' People How To Make a REAL Shaky, Low-Budget Horror Movie
With Paranormal Activity renewing the popularity of the looks-like-shit horror genre, The Blair Witch Project co-director Eduardo Sánchez has come forward to The Star to say, "Hey, remember me? I co-directed The Blair Witch Project! No, really, IMDb it," and reveal he and Daniel Myrick have plans to retreat back to the safe haven of making more Blair Witch films:
Times have changed for Sánchez and Myrick, and rather swiftly in recent weeks. After years spent pondering their Blair Witch legacy, while pursuing other horror and sci-fi projects, they're willing to ride the broomstick again.They're now at the point where they're ready to do a Blair Witch 3, once again sharing writing and directing. They'd pick up from where the original left off, pretending Blair Witch 2 never happened. The duo recently went on a drive through their original Blair Witch haunts, about a half hour from Sánchez's Maryland home, looking for inspiration.
They've worked up a treatment for a new story, which would involve original cast members Heather Donahue, Joshua Leonard and Michael C. Williams, albeit in smaller roles.
"We're at the step where we're about to pitch to Lionsgate, which owns the movie rights now. It's pretty much up to them. They can completely squash it or greenlight it."
I can't help but think this sudden interest in in returning to The Blair Witch might have something to do with spite. In particular, the spite that comes from a recent shaky camcorder movie called Paranormal Acivity making $85 million, while Sánchez's recent, very similarly-titled project, ParaABnormal, has never been spoken of until I mentioned it just now. Particularly because he fully admits that:
"I'm happy for the [Paranormal Activity director] ... but at the same time, there's the feeling that, man, I could have done this. It would have been different and might not have been as good. But I know how to make these films. To me it's like, man, maybe I should go back and kind of milk this one more time."
He could have shown them how to make an overrated film most notable for its minuscule budget! By his own admission, it might have been worse, but the important thing is it could have existed. He could have made a thing! And thus, it's time to make Blair Witch 3. The end.
Oct 23 2009 'Season of the Witch' Trailer Hits All the Bases, I Guess
A witch, a mutilated monk, and Nicolas Cage demanding Ron Perlman cut someone's head off? What more do you want from a film, Foreign Press???
Continue Reading " 'Season of the Witch' Trailer Hits All the Bases, I Guess "
Oct 22 2009 'Fourth Kind' Poster Misses So Many Kinds
These are all real:
Alien encounter of the fifth kind LIGHT PETTING
Alien encounter of the sixth kind "HEY, IT'S ME... OH, SORRY. I THOUGHT YOU WERE THIS ALIEN I KNEW."
Alien encounter of the seventh kind MAKING A NICE DINNER TOGETHER
Alien encounter of the eighth kind EXCLUSIVITY
Alien encounter of the ninth kind BUSINESS DEALINGS
Alien encounter of the tenth kind CUDDLE PARTIES
Alien encounter of the eleventh kind MEETING THE ALIEN QUEEN
Alien encounter of the twelfth kind WATCHING INDEPENDENCE DAY TOGETHER AND NOT GETTING WEIRD
Alien encounter of the thirteenth kind TRADING GOODS AND SERVICES
Alien encounter of the fourteenth kind INNOCENTLY PATTING EACH OTHER ON THE BUTT AFTER DOING A GOOD JOB
Alien encounter of the fifteenth kind LEAVING THE BATHROOM DOOR OPEN
Alien encounter of the sixteenth kind ULTIMATUMS
Alien encounter of the seventeenth kind ALIEN MARRIAGE
Alien encounter of the eighteenth kind "MAKING WHOOPY"
Alien encounter of the nineteenth kind TRYING ANAL FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY
Alien encounter of the twentieth kind NOOGIES
Final 'The Fourth Kind' One Sheet Blends ALL Kinds [Bloody Disgusting]
Oct 21 2009 Full (MOON) 'Wolfman' Trailer HOWLS OnlineCANTHROPE
No more choosing between watching a movie about a man or a movie about a wolf. Thanks to modern technology machines, enjoy both fantastic genres with The Wolfman:
Continue Reading " Full (MOON) 'Wolfman' Trailer HOWLS OnlineCANTHROPE "
Oct 21 2009 Shane West Joins Werewolf/Dog Trainer Horror
Just when you thought we'd completely run the well dry of options for horror movie variations, now there's this: TWO werewolves... and also a horribly disfigured seeing-eye dog trainer? Says ShockTillYouDrop:
Shane West is the first to join the cast of Two Wolves, the werewolf flick we howled about last week.Alex Wright rolls cameras next month from a script by Chris Freeman. We're told two other major rolls are currently close to being cast.
West's credits include The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen and Red Sands.
Two Wolves tells of a disfigured guide-dog trainer living at a secluded school for the blind who becomes the prime suspect in a string of violent murders.
Man, I hope Shane West didn't commit this string of murders. I'd hate to think Mandy Moore would ever regret that memorable walk to remember they took together.
Oct 19 2009 New 'Monster Squad' Unrelated To Prior 'Monster Squad'
Hey, remember that depressing news from a year ago that the director of xXx was going to remake the 1980s' second or third best kids-go-on-a-fantasy-adventure film, Monster Squad? Well, I have absolutely no update on that. However, there is this news on another in-development Monster Squad that apparently has nothing to do with the original Monster Squad ("Monster Squad" is just a good name for things):
Mike Mitchell will direct "Monster Squad," formerly known as "Nightcrawlers," Warner Bros.' long-gestating supernatural action comedy.The studio picked up "Nightcrawlers" as a spec by Brian Lynch in 2000. The project went through numerous writers, including Michael Arndt and Audrey Wells, as Warners sought to find a balance of laughs and chills.
The project's title was changed to "Monster Squad," though it is not a remake of the 1987 Warners movie written by Shane Black.
The studio is keeping mum on the new "Squad" log line, which has changed considerably in the last decade. It remains, however, a high-concept, big-budget, supernatural fantasy.
So now I have to start being annoyed about not just wretched, completely unnecessary remakes but also name swipists that sound like they are? Can we just stop making movies already?
Oct 5 2009 'Saw VI' Trailer: Saw Lives! Still!
Only one serial killer goes through the trouble of installing a playground merry-go-round in his warehouse apartment just to force people to make complicated decisions that lead to each others' elaborate deaths. It's Saw, everyone!
Here's his latest torture opus. He may be on a respirator, but he's still got it!*
*"It" being the ability to still turn a reasonable profit after making the same movie concept six times.
Sep 28 2009 Ignore This If You Don't Want to See a Human Centipede
If you aren't familiar with the upcoming torture/horror film Human Centipede, please take a moment to read the disgusting summary before going any further. OK?
If, at this point, you're cool with a scenario in which girls (and a Japanese tourist) are surgically connected, ass-to-mouth, into a chain of humans with a single digestive system--which, I should note, you would only be OK with if you're a sociopath wearing a homemade sport coat made of your own shit--here are a short series of Human Centipede clips you can watch, throw up over, and then maybe put together a nice matching hat out of your vomit (since that's the kind of thing you do):
Continue Reading " Ignore This If You Don't Want to See a Human Centipede "
Sep 28 2009 'Nightmare on Elm Street' Trailer: That Bad Dream Man is Back on That Suburban Street
Learn Freddy Krueger's origin (again) and watch him menacingly drag his hand-claw over a variety of metal surfaces (again) with this new trailer for Nightmare on Elm Street (Again). As much as I'm opposed to this pointless retreading, I do appreciate they made his head look more "hey, I got horribly burned!" than the old look, which was more, "hey, someone threw an entire pizza at my face, and now it's slowly dripping off!"
Sep 17 2009 'Saw VI' Contraptions Too Complicated To Be Frightening
Oh, shit! Jigsaw is going to... make someone mechanically chew something? I have no idea. It looks like H.R. Giger-designed orthodontia. By the time this guy figures out how this is going to kill him, he's definitely already going to be dead.
Sep 16 2009 'Paranormal Activity' Trailer: Chandeliers Are Mysteriously Swinging!
Ever wonder why MTV's campy, pseudo-reality, paranormal investigation show, Fear, wasn't made into a movie? Now it has been!
The latest horror film to pick up on the Blair Witch camcorder thing, Paranormal Activity has a new trailer. This may be the first time a shuffled-through trail of sugar has been used as a scare tactic:
Continue Reading " 'Paranormal Activity' Trailer: Chandeliers Are Mysteriously Swinging! "
Sep 2 2009 Final 'Sorority Row' Poster: God, College Girls Love Photobooths, and Murder
I would hope this film wouldn't win any sort of awards, but if it does, a good one would be "Most Discreet Masking of Rumer Willis's Unnaturally Large Chin."
Final 'Sorority Row' One-Sheet [Bloody Disgusting]
Sep 2 2009 'Human Centipede': A Movie About Making a Disgusting Human Centipede
This movie sounds like a good one, if you want the rest of your days to be spent in living nightmare where your only language is your mind's constant screaming. The summary for Human Centipede: First Sequence:
Internationally respected Siamese twin surgeon Dr. Josef Heiter has a demented vision for mankind’s future existence. He wants to remove human beings’ kneecaps so they have to exist on all fours and then surgically graft them mouth-to-anus to form a centipede chain. When two stranded female Americans arrive at his luxury home-cum-hospital looking for help, his long-gestating plan swiftly moves into chilling action with a shocking force. Kidnapping a third Japanese male tourist, he begins the tissue matches, teeth removal, and buttock moulding to create his triplet creature…
I suppose it's a "demented vision for mankind's future existence" if you look at it one way, but what if this Dr. Heitner has knowledge of an upcoming giant actual centipede attack? Then we'd probably thank him for giving us a suitable gladiator to compete against this insect threat.
Human Centipede Stills Slither Out [Dread Central] (via reddit)
Aug 28 2009 'Descent 2' Trailer: Blind Mutants Are Still in That Cave!
After the first Descent, you'd really think someone would have sealed up that cave full of blind, Batboy-esque mutants to stop them from murdering all our hot, female spelunkers. But, alas, our governments mutant cave-filling bureaucracy failed us again, and a new group of babes--now accompanied by a lecherous old man--have fallen into what appears to be the exact same scenario as Descent I. Oh well:
Continue Reading " 'Descent 2' Trailer: Blind Mutants Are Still in That Cave! "
Aug 28 2009 Rob Zombie Re-Making 'The Blob' Sans Red Blobby Thing (The Blob)
Rob Zombie has decided to film another remake of The Blob, eliminating the one element I would consider definitive of The Blob:
`My intention is not to have a big red blobby thing, that’s the first thing I want to change,' Zombie said. `That gigantic Jello-looking thing might have been scary to audiences in the 1950s, but people would laugh now. I have a totally different take, one that’s pretty dark.'
Yeah, fuck that big red blobby thing, also known as "The Blob." Not a necessary component. Should probably be reinterpreted as maybe a large, ruthless hilljack who calls himself "The Blob." That's only logical.
Zombie Remakes `The Blob' [Variety]
Aug 20 2009 'Wolfman' Trailer: See What Happens When a Man Sometimes Turns Into a Partial Wolf!
The trailer for Joe Johnson's The Wolfman has been released, and I'm pleased to say that, as hoped, the film looks dark, often ominous, and full of grade A special effects and actors. But I can't help but think that maybe the preview could have shown a little bit more of Wolfman's relationship with his high school girlfriend, and how he has to protect her from all the nomadic rival werewolves that want to kill her. What do you think?
Aug 19 2009 'Saw VI' Poster: I Have No Idea
Saw VI! Trust in him! To help you trust in him, here are some pale hand boxing gloves on a reflective surface. What?
Aug 13 2009 'Fourth Kind' Trailer: That Isn't a Barn Owl, It Turns Out! It's a Barn Alien!
Close Encounters of the Third Kind just got CHUMPED. The Fourth Kind totally kicks it up one higher in kind, to the FOURTH KIND. To put it simply, that's contact vs. abduction. Or, to put it sexually, that's second base vs. rape. In other words, you just got your ass handed to you, Richard Dreyfuss! This is so much more intense of a kind! The FOURTH kind!
Just kidding; Richard Dreyfuss wasn't handed his ass. This basically looks like White Noise: Alien Edition meets an improv game where the idea is to take the last person's freak-out level one step higher, starring Milla Jovovich:
Continue Reading " 'Fourth Kind' Trailer: That Isn't a Barn Owl, It Turns Out! It's a Barn Alien! "
Aug 10 2009 'Saw VI' Teaser: It's Like a Dingy Game of 'Myst' with Screaming
As regular as the sun doing all the regular things the sun does every day, this Halloween another entry in the Saw franchise will once again close around us with its bear-trap-in-a-bathroom teeth. Lionsgate has released a teaser for the film, and if you like big walls of obviously-CGI televisions and people screaming, you'll love it:
Continue Reading " 'Saw VI' Teaser: It's Like a Dingy Game of 'Myst' with Screaming "
