Sep 25 2009 More Screams and Spy Children En Route

I've always said, give David Arquette enough time, he'll eventually find a reason to get himself out of bed. And this spring, looks like he'll have one: Bob Weinstein has revealed that, to fight waning elongated-white-mask sales, Dimension Films will begin production on Scream 4 in April or May. Series regulars Wes Craven, Neve Campbell, David Arquette, and Courtney Cox are all not doing that much besides being in Cougar Town/watching Cougar Town, and are expected to return to kick off a new rapidly-declining trilogy.

Weinstein also announced Robert Rodriguez is working on a new Spy Kids movie to be shot in 3-D, thus rendering Spy Kids 3-D not that special anymore. Additionally, the studio hopes to have a Halloween 3-D ready by next year's holiday that the film is most appropriate for, and Weinstein confirmed plans for remakes of Children of the Corn, Short Circuit, and American Werewolf in London and 3-D sequels to Hellraiser and Scanners.

Sounds like if you're the kind of person who wants to put on annoying glasses and watch a piece-of-shit remake/sequel, Dimension is the studio looking out for you.

Oct 29 2008 Laugier Dreams of Remaking 'Hellraiser'

French director Pascal Laugier is in final negotiations to write and direct the Hellraiser remake that no one is too thrilled about besides the people doing it and probably one Halloween store that bought a bunch of surplus Pinhead masks that never sold. From THR:

Pascal Laugier, whose horror film "Martyrs" stirred controversy in his native France, is in final negotiations to write and direct Dimension's re-imagining of "Hellraiser," one of horrormeister Clive Barker's best-known creations.

"This is a dream project for me," Laugier said. "I know Clive Barker's work very well, and I would never betray what he has done. Fans are expecting a definitive 'Hellraiser,' and I don't want to take that away from them."

It's nice to hear his heart is in the right place, but nope, fans are not expecting a definitive Hellraiser. Fans are expecting an unimaginatively rehashed, slightly-glossier Hellraiser. We already have the definitive Hellraise: it's Hellraiser. That will always be the definitive Hellraiser.

I don't know anyone really wants another horror remake, Pascal, but if you're really set on remaking Hellraiser, I think if you're able to make the new one the "definitive tolerable remake of Hellraiser that doesn't make it feel as if pins are being forced into your head," that will be good enough.

Oct 16 2007 'Hellraiser' Remake Rising, Likely from Hell

Did you realize that we, as a society, have exhausted all of our scary ideas? There aren't any left. Every form of mask, disfigurement, and way to brutally murder a teenager has been fully described in film, so we're forced to revisit them either through remakes or sequels. That's the only reason I can come up with that they're remaking yet another horror movie, and this time it's Hellraiser.

But if I know movies, and I totally do, they're going to want to "amp up" the extreme excitement of this 1987 bore. Here are my ideas for improving the classic "Pinhead" character, which will hopefully earn me at least a producer credit.

1. More pins. Like a whole lot more. When first seen, the viewer should only perceive a sense of "pin" that eventually, as the movie progresses, seems to move around enough that hints there might be a man underneath. If the actor underneath isn't crying out in pain at the most subtle movements, you need to add more pins.

2. Also, they're safety pins. And he's wearing a Ramones t-shirt.

3. Paler. The original Pinface was basically white-skinned, but I think it could be pushed even further into translucence, such that the organs are visible under the skin. See if Lucy Liu is available. Then again, it shouldn't matter with the sheer number of pins covering the body.

4. On that point, Pinface will no longer make sense as a name. How about "Pineverything"? Or just "Pin".

5. Shots of tailors temporarily taping together garments; clean, unused pin cushions. It's obvious that every pin on earth is stuck in this man, partially because whenever he comes on screen, a subtitle appears that says as much.

Any other ideas?

French duo to remake 'Hellraiser' [Variety]