Jul 21 2008 'Dark Knight' Deemed Best Movie Ever by Internet Populace, Money
Weekend box office figures, you lucky dogs!
1. The Dark Knight - Apparently some sort of Batman thing opened this weekend, and it made $155.3 million, breaking every record for everything. Also, according to the distinctive group known as "people with the internet," it's the best movie ever made.
2. Mamma Mia! - $27.6 million, because your mom saw it.
3. Hancock - Some people refuse to believe anyone but Will Smith could be mankind's hero. These people saw Hancock, earning it $14 million.
4. Journey to the Center of the Earth - $11.9 million, because your illegitimate child saw it.
5. Hellboy II: The Golden Army - $10 million. Bad month to come out, everything that isn't Batman.
Weekend Box Office [Box Office Mojo]
Jul 14 2008 'Hellboy' Heats Up Weekend, Because Hell is Typically Depicted as Very Hot
Weekend box office numbers!
1. Hellboy II: The Golden Army - $35.9 million, beating the first film's opening by over 12 million despite not using any of my brilliant advertising strategies.
2. Hancock - $33 million, but it could have been so much more if only "Big Willy" had made a bland rap for this one. Is he done with that?
3. Journey to the Center of the Earth 3D - $20.6 million, surely missing the top spot due to its bigoted, cyclops-excluding marketing campaign. One should not need binocular vision to enjoy a film.
4. Wall-E - $18.5 million. Has the summer's cute robot bubble burst???
5. Wanted - $11.6 million. Wait a minute.... where's Eddie Murphy Alien inside Eddie Murphy Ship?
Oh...
7. Meet Dave - $5.3 million. Yeah, that's right. Eff you, Meet Dave.
Weekend Box Office [Box Office Mojo]
Jul 10 2008 Spoil the Big Climactic Battle of 'Hellboy II' with This Clip
If you trust the critical majority, it looks like Hellboy II should be the clear choice for this weekend's moviegoers not bent on seeing Brendan Fraser inside the Earth's dinosaur-fllled core or Eddie Murphy inside Eddie Murphy. So I would advice not watching this clip that shows over a minute of the big battle between Hellboy and evil Edgar Winter unless you really want to go in having already seen what is likely the climax. But if you're one of those people in the latter, Meet Dave-enthusiastic category, who will probably prove their hypothetical existence when the box office numbers come in, I encourage you to watch this so that you know what you're missing while you stare stoically agape at Eddie Murphy the Ship sneeze out Eddie Murphy the Alien.
Continue Reading " Spoil the Big Climactic Battle of 'Hellboy II' with This Clip "
Jul 8 2008 Hellboy Continues His Television Tour of Duty
I know it won't affect the quality of the movie, but man, Hellboy is losing some credibility. Ken has pointed out another Hellboy-somehow-meeting-characters-from-random-GE-owned-television-shows clip, this one introducing the evil-fighting demon to the guys from Ghost Hunters. Then I saw that AICN has news that he will also meet characters from The Office, Heroes, and Law & Order. Apparently GE is confusing cross-promotional synergy with giving the impression that Hellboy II involves the character getting sucked into the TV à la Stay Tuned.
But I figure, if GE is going to insert the character into something from every channel they own, I might as well help them out. Here are some ideas for further ill-conceived cross-overs:
CNBC - Hellboy finds himself on Mad Money with Jim Cramer, who chastises Hellboy for not diversifying his portfolio. Hellboy says, "Boo-yah."
Oxygen - Hellboy talks sex with Sue Johanson. She has suggestions for how he could please a woman with his giant stone hand (complete with lewd gestures), and it's typically uncomfortable because you're watching this old Canadian woman discuss fisting.
USA - Hellboy is bored and sort of drunk, so he watches some movie about slutty cheerleaders at 3 in the morning thinking the basic cable station might somehow slip and show some nudity. At the end, he looks at the camera and says, "It's OK to do this every so often." I just need someone to tell me it's OK.
Hallmark Channel - Hellboy meets this old lady who turns out to be an angel or something.
History Channel - Hellboy fights some Nazis. Never mind--that would make too much sense.
Telemundo - Hellboy sits on the couch with me and helps me decipher the mechanics of that horoscope-based dating show with the Hispanic Jenny McCarthy, because, man, I cannot figure that shit out. In a later ad, it's revealed that we watched over an hour of Telemundo soap operas just for the exaggerated cleavage. Again, Hellboy assures me it's not at all pathetic.
Ghost Hunters clip under the cut. The rest are all too imminent.
UPDATE: Josh has pointed out that NBC Universal Creative Services president Vince Manze thinks this is genius.
Continue Reading " Hellboy Continues His Television Tour of Duty "
Jul 7 2008 Finally, a Cross-Over Between 'Hellboy' and NBC's 'Chuck'
Hellboy is a demonic paranormal investigator; Chuck, Wikipedia tells me, is the lead in an eponymous NBC series about a socially awkward twenty-something whose brain has been embedded with subliminal CIA secrets. So you can see that it was only a matter of time before the two worlds naturally and seamlessly fused into a series of commercials in which Hellboy and Chuck pretend to play video games. Seeing them together really gets you thinking... "Will I ever be able to imagine these two apart after seeing them so artfully merged? Will this lead to a Hellboy/Chuck spin-off? Why didn't Iron Man ever play Guitar Hero with Jim from The Office?"
I kind of like this new direction Hellboy II is taking viral marketing. While The Dark Knight team is hard at work creating a pseudo-reality running parallel to the film, revealing clues with new promotional media, these guys seem to want to portray Hellboy as a sort of Jamie Kennedy character, willing to perform in any pathetic publicity stunt in full costume provided there's a paycheck.
Below the cut, two Hellboy/Chuck commercials, an awkward Hellboy PSA, and another ad that, for whatever reason, portrays Hellboy as both supernatural warrior and struggling actor.
Continue Reading " Finally, a Cross-Over Between 'Hellboy' and NBC's 'Chuck' "
Jul 2 2008 Hellboy, the Actor, on 'Inside the Actor's Studio'
No, not Ron Pearlman. Hellboy. It's Hellboy on Inside the Actor's Studio with James Lipton. Because Hellboy is an actor who plays himself in the movies about him. Probably best not to overthink it too much, because it will make no sense. Instead, concentrate on how disturbingly Busey-like Hellboy gets when he smiles.
Continue Reading " Hellboy, the Actor, on 'Inside the Actor's Studio' "
Jun 27 2008 New 'Hellboy II: The Slapstick Comedy' Clip
Latino Review has an exclusive new clip from Hellboy II: The Golden Army here. If anyone was begging for the sequel to contain more slapstick comedy and uncomfortable parallels to domestic abuse, this clip is for you. Plus, you get to see Johann the ectoplasm guy doing things.
Anyone else curious why Guillermo del Toro went with Family Guy's Seth MacFarlane for Johann's voice, when it's clear he wanted Robert Smigel doing Triumph the Insult Comic Dog?
(Updated: link is now functional!)
Jun 2 2008 Romantic New 'Hellboy II: The Golden Army' Poster
Empire has scored an exclusive new poster to Hellboy II: The Golden Army. Expect to see this image posted UK theaters, and on the cover of the Harlequin romance adaptation, Hell Hath No Fury Like a Woman's Lust.
New Hellboy II Poster [Empire]
May 20 2008 'Hellboy II' Discarded Concept Art: Awful Dog Thing
At the New York Comic Con panel, when Guillermo Del Toro announced he'd be posting concept designs of a three-headed dog that had been cut from the film, I had foolishly pictured the animal as a traditional Cerberus--something with three distinct heads emerging from a single body. It had never occurred to me that it might be a far more grotesque creature--one with three wrinkled faces stretched across a single head, and a body equal parts Zuul from Ghostbusters, Popeye, and Britney Spears Birthing Monument. That's probably why I'm not a Hellboy II designer, and why I'm not haunted by constant nightmares. At least until now.
Yrdrig Concept Art [Official Site]
May 19 2008 UK 'Hellboy II' Character Banners Far More Disgusting Than Domestic
Words I might use to describe Hellboy II's Angel of Death if I were writing its personal ad:
- Fun
- Playful
- Smart
- Great personality
Words I would avoid:
- Large, boney, eyeless plate for a head; giant black wings covered in glassy eyes; generally repulsive appearance
- Begets death
Additional UK Hellboy II banners here.
May 16 2008 'Hellboy II' Poster News Flash: He's Apparently the Good Guy
Actually, I do believe he's the good guy. After seeing an entire movie based around this character, I was left utterly convinced he was, in fact, the good guy. And after seeing five Batman movies, I'm starting to get an inkling that this character dressed as a bat, however dark and brooding he may seem, may also be fighting on the side of good.
The New Hellboy II One-Sheet [Coming Soon]
Apr 21 2008 NYCC Report: 'Hellboy II: The Golden Army'
Despite suffering what he described as "grotesque weight gain," director Guillermo Del Toro was in attendance at the New York Comic Con to discuss Hellboy II: The Golden Army--and he brought along creator Mike Mignola and stars Ron Pearlman, Selma Blair, and Doug Jones to sit mostly-quietly alongside. From what I can pull from my memory and scrawled notes, here's what happened:
- The entrance of each Hellboy player is received with thunderous applause and a standing ovation, followed by shouts from the back to sit down. Del Toro begins his typically expletive-filled discussion.
- A "sizzle reel"--essentially a trailer with some unfinished effects, meant to spark interest--is shown. It features even more freaks than the last trailer, and hints at a romance between Abe and the priestess and disputes between Hellboy and the ectoplasmic psychic, Johann. Conflict!
- When the lights come back up after the trailer, a batch of the aforementioned freaks are lined up on the stage. One holds a skinless man in a basket; another has a disgusting head with something like a birthday cake perched atop; a mutant wearing a single Victorian-era puffy sleeve holds a fetus emerging from his stomach. All are brilliantly disgusting.
- Del Toro discusses how many freak designs had to be dropped because of time and budget limitations, including a ten-three-headed bulldog licking itself. Mention is made of the dog's "red part," and that he'll post the design online soon.
- Seth MacFarlane is doing the voice of Johann? Apparently so. I guess that's just the most efficient way to ensure Family Guy can easily reference the film.
- Doug Jones, who played Silver Surfer in the last Fantastic Four movie, says he knows no more than the online rumors about a Surfer solo picture. He gesticulates just as much as he did in Pan's Labyrinth.
- Del Toro reveals that he's working on a picture called Saturn and the End of Days about a boy watching the apocalypse happen as he runs errands.
- Selma Blair's glazed expression screams "why the hell did I come here?"
More later!
Apr 18 2008 NYCC Exclusive 'Hellboy II' Poster, and YOU Can Get One
Remember the really great Hellboy one-sheet by classic poster artist Drew Struzan that went tragically unused in favor of a banal photo montage? Good news! Struzan has made another equally-impressive poster for the sequel! And it will go equally unused! But all is not lost: if you'll be at the New York Comic Con this Saturday, and have the desire to cover your walls in nerdy memorabilia, you can apparently pick up a copy at the Hellboy II panel at 2pm.
On a related note, I too will be in attendance at the NYCC this weekend, so get yourself primed for some thrill-packed updates on that front.
Apr 3 2008 'Hellboy II' Trailer: Like Biting Into a Filet-o-Freak
I don't know how much I've mentioned it here, but like Karl Pilkington and Larry David, I'm an unabashed lover of freaks. Horrible deformities, disgusting aliens, general mutations, whatever--so long as it's non-normal to the degree of slight repulsion, I want to see it. But, man, this new Hellboy II trailer...
See this awful gentleman above with a building for a head? He's like the median freak, and he already has no business existing. Wait until you see these terrible things. It's like Guillermo del Toro does the Star Wars cantina.
Fellow Freak Fans, you really need to watch this. Non-Freak Fans, there also seemed to be a story going on as a background to the mutant menagerie, so maybe you'll find some meager joy in that. Thanks for the tip, Joe.
Continue Reading " 'Hellboy II' Trailer: Like Biting Into a Filet-o-Freak "
Apr 3 2008 New Hellboy vs. Aging Rocker Shots
In anticipation of the new(!) trailer tomorrow, here are a slew of new shots from Hellboy II: The Golden Army. Selma Blair looking hot despite wearing the scalp of Rosie O'Donnell? Hellboy fighting Edgar Winter? A leaner version of that rock guy from Neverending Story? Possibly a third, albino Olsen girl? They're all there!
New 'Hellboy II' Photos [Yahoo!]
Jan 29 2008 'Hellboy II': Johann Close-Up Art as Metaphor
The Official Hellboy II Production Site has finally posted a close-up look at Johann, the new psychic character who must wear a containment suit to keep his ectoplasmic body from dissipating. The suit works the same as drinking does to keep my soul numb enough to not completely exit my body, but in a more sci-fi, steampunky, socially acceptable way.
HBII - "Johann Krauss" Online Art [Official Production Site]
Dec 21 2007 'Hellboy II: The Golden Army' Trailer Contains No Disappointment, One Vagina-Mouth Thing
Guillermo del Toro has done many great things as a director, but perhaps none will have the continued resonance of the discovery he made in Pan's Labyrinth: that it's really f***ing freaky when a creature has eyes on its limbs rather than its head, where you'd expect them. After exploiting that little revelation (above), from the looks of this trailer, it appears he's found many more ways to make nightmare-inducing creatures in Hellboy II: The Golden Army. (The vagina-mouth thing at the 1:55 mark comes to mind.)
Despite some semi-cheesy computer effects and a villain that looks like a combination of Legolas and Rocky Horror's Riff Raff, the unquestionable brilliance of del Toro and Hellboy creator Mike Mignola gives me genuine hope for this sequel. So give it a look.
Dec 19 2007 First Look at Johann, Butch Coif in 'Hellboy II'
Which is cooler: the first look at Johann Kraus, the psychic ectoplasmic spirit in a containment suit, or the first look at Liz Sherman's new Rosie O'Donnell hair? And by cooler, I mean more reminiscent of Koosh ball antics and feigned crushes on Tom Cruise.
Dec 18 2007 'Hellboy II' Holiday eCard: Tell Your Family You Simply Don't Care
New at Hellboymove.com: the Hellboy II: The Golden Army Holiday eCard. What better way to tell your family "I'm a huge nerd, and thought you'd enjoy the image of a muscular, sultry demon spawn threatening you instead of a phone call"?
Hellboy II Holiday eCard [official site]
Dec 12 2007 Hellboy Has a Really Huge Gun
For Hellboy II: The Golden Army, it looks like our hero is stepping up his arsenal. Namely, with what appears to be a Nerf Ballzooka. Let's just hope the forces of evil don't have any of those foam arrows that whistle when you shoot them.
That's a Helluva Big Gun! [Shock Till You Drop]
