Sep 11 2009 'Takers' Trailer: These Guys Have Such Explosion Apathy They Must Be Awesome
Did all the cut-and-pasted heads on the Takers poster get you super worked up to see why Hayden Christensen was dressed up like a high-class rude boy? Of course it did. And now you can sate that desire with this trailer for the generic heist film.
In the film, The Wire's Idris Elba leads a crew of rappers (T.I.), singing domestic abusers (Chris Brown), Jedi (Christensen), and Paul Walkers (Paul Walker) in the robbery of somewhere between $25 and $30 million. But it won't be easy: Matt Dillon is on the case to stop them! I doubt he does, though. Have you seen this heist crew? They casually walk away from exploding helicopters! That's the criterion for bad-ass dudes. At least until someone comes up with something even more awesomely dangerous to nonchalantly stroll away from. Maybe a Tyrannosaurus holding a samurai sword?
Continue Reading " 'Takers' Trailer: These Guys Have Such Explosion Apathy They Must Be Awesome "
Sep 10 2009 'Takers' Poster, Or Possibly Still From 'Takers' Hip Hop Video
Rat Pack '09, everyone! And just in time for Halloween. Dibs on being Smug Turd Skywalker. You can be Paul Walker wearing a turtleneck under a dress shirt.
The Poster for Takers [Coming Soon]
Oct 2 2008 Hayden Christensen Signed to Act Wooden in Three Movies
You're hanging out with your friends. You're all bored, looking for something to do. Someone thinks it might fun to watch those newer Star Warses again; someone else suggests you get some beer. You're having a good time, tossing a few back--next thing you know, you're waking up next to a vomit-covered three-picture contract you apparently signed with Hayden Christensen, and you're like, "Man, when did we do that?"
It happened to Clint Culpepper, and it can happen to you (provided you, like Culpepper, are president of a film studio):
Screen Gems has made a three-picture deal with Hayden Christensen.The deal adds two more pictures to the thesp's Screen Gems slate, following "Bone Deep," the John Luessenhop-directed crime drama that began lensing in September.
Pact calls for Christensen to bring the studio projects that he finds with Tove Christensen, his brother and partner in Forest Park Pictures.
"Hayden is a very talented and versatile actor with a proven worldwide box office history," Culpepper said.
Yeah, you keep telling yourself that.
Aug 25 2008 'New York, I Love You' Trailer Tries to Sell Idea of Affection Towards Popular City
Here's the trailer to New York, I Love You (the thematic sequel to Paris, je t'aime), the upcoming film in which 13 directors pretend there aren't already a lot of movies proclaiming love for New York and make some of their own. Who are these directors? All your favorites. Rush Hour director Brett Ratner? Got him. Natalie Portman the Director? She's there. Natalie Portman's Other Boleyn Girl co-star, Scarlett Johansson the Director? Yup. Plus, it stars everyone, and is going to make Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon ridiculously easy from now on.
Dec 11 2007 AM Poster Post: 'Jumper' Poster is Shiny, Leather
Jumper: It's like The Matrix, only the jackets are covered in Carmen Sandiego clues.
New Jumper Poster [JoBlo]
Dec 10 2007 'Jumper' Trailer Fails to Employ Kris Kross, House of Pain Tracks
As far as movies about Hayden Christensen teleporting to famous landmarks then standing around looking arrogant go, this actually looks pretty decent. Maybe part of my optimism stems from the assurance it provides that, if a teleporting Hayden Christensen were to even spawn, I now know there would be a Samuel L. Jackson/Evil Uncle Ben character to foil his his smug spacial manipulation.
Does anyone else think the Irish/Scottish guy is definitely going to have a heroic death?
Thanks for the tip, Joe.
Continue Reading " 'Jumper' Trailer Fails to Employ Kris Kross, House of Pain Tracks "
Nov 8 2007 AM Poster Post: 'Awake' Poster has Awoken
Awake is about a guy waking up from his anesthesia during surgery, where he overhears the surgeons are plotting to kill him. So why does this poster, with a shaft of dramatic light illuminating the giant heads of Alba and Christensen, look so much like an alien abduction movie?
A better poster would be the Operation game board--that guy was always awake during surgery--with Hayden Christensen's head on it. And his red nose is lit up, and on it says "SURGEON MURDERERS ATTACKING ME!" I think that would really get the point across.
'Awake' Poster Premiere! [Cinematical]
Nov 5 2007 Some Other Crap That Happened...
- Comedian Zach Galifianakis has nabbed roles as Ashton Kutcher's best friend in What Happens in Vegas... and as a government scientist in charge of a guinea pig commando program in G-Force. This gives me an excuse to post one of my favorite things ever. [Hollywood Reporter]
- Sylvester Stallone is in talks to direct and star as a man turned vigilante after his family is attacked in a remake of Death Wish, a title begging for jokes about his age. [Variety]
- Jake Gyllenhaal and Jessica Biel have joined David O. Russell's political satire about a woman shot in the head with a nailgun, giving her wild sexual urges, and the immoral congressman who takes advantage. Is it wrong that I'm most excited at the possibility of more videos of Russell freaking out on people? [Hollywood Reporter]
- Hayden Christensen will star in Beast of Bataan, playing the attorney to Masaharu Homma, the Japanese general implicated in the Bataan Death March. How tasteless will it be when they play Beast of Burden in the trailer? [Hollywood Reporter]
Nov 2 2007 'Jumper' Poster Features Exotic/Dull Cocktail
After seeing Star Wars: The First Massive Disappointment, The Clone One, and The One with the Goofy Scream at the End, a lot of viewers probably thought Hayden Christensen could only deliver stilted emotion and non-existant sexual chemistry in the confines of computer-generated outer space.
The poster for Jumper hopes to eliminate this myth by showing off that even in the world's most typically exotic location--the top of the Sphinx--Christensen can still bring his special brand of dull anti-charisma to the screen.
See how his arms hang limply at his sides? That's his acting!
If you missed the trailer, I recommend it here.
Jumper Poster! [JoBlo]
Oct 29 2007 'Awake' Trailer is Its Own Anesthesia
Clay has got it all: Terrence Howard complimenting him, Jessica Alba bathing clothed with him, a mom who for some reason hates the idea of him marrying Jessica Alba. But, wouldn't you know it, he needs some sort of undefined chest surgery that might kill him.
Such is the plight of Hayden Christensen in Awake. And as if that's not bad enough, he ends up being one of these freaks who stays awake during the anesthesia, allowing him to hear Terrence Howard and Fisher Stevens plot to kill him during surgery and steal his fortune.
Aside from the obvious issue, that it's a plot salvaged from a rejected Days of Our Lives storyline, you might be wondering how they can build a movie around a motionless protagonist. The answer to that (I think) is by sending out a ghost/surgeon version of himself to get Jessica Alba to help him.
Yeah, I don't know either. The trailer is under the cut.
NOTE: That is Fisher Stevens, right? For some reason, the IMDB doesn't list him as part of the film. And you know that if Fisher Stevens is separating himself from a project, it must be worse than the Super Mario Bros. movie, Short Circuit 2 and every episode of Early Edition.
Oct 10 2007 Liveblogging the 'Jumper' Trailer
00:05 - Hayden Christensen is watching TV. That must be what this movie is about. Hey, wait, I watch TV, too! I'm immediately invested in this easily-relatable and likable character.
00:10 - There was just a jarring cut that made it seem like Hayden may have teleported to a different position on the couch. But that's silly, because teleporting is impossible, and stupid at such short distances. I forgive the edit because he just changed the channel to Family Guy, which should have some hilarious off-topic jokes.
00:14 - OK, he definitely teleported this time. Or they're abruptly cutting out a seizure that began at the kitchen and ended at the fridge.
00:25 - The doorman doesn't think Hayden needs an umbrella. Hayden seems to think he will for some reason. Perhaps his teleportation powers also give him meteorological insight.
00:30 - It turns out the doorman didn't take into account that Hayden would be teleporting to Big Ben to stand dramatically in the rain.
00:45 - Hayden has a life others only dream of--no limits, no boundaries, says the narrator. He may be quoting a Nissan commercial.
00:55 - Some asshole drove a car at Hayden and implied he can also teleport. Naturally, the two begin cruising, likely to find more participants for a gay teleportation orgy.
1:05 - "Freedom comes at a price," says the narrator. Apparently that price is a nagging girlfriend who keeps hassling him about his gay teleportation orgies.
1:30 - Samuel L. Jackson, visually channeling Uncle Ben of rice fame, has special sticks and chains that are good for beating up teleporting guys.
2:10 - A lot of running, teleporting, and using the special sticks/chains has happened.
2:12 - Thankfully, they show us how Jumper can be abbreviated for quicker text messaging. (example: omg u c JMPR yet?)
A better quality version is at the official site. Thanks to Joe for the link.
