Nov 5 2009 Risk: The Film of World Domination
Realizing there were still board games not yet arbitrarily being made into feature films, Sony announced yesterday they had purchased the movie rights to Risk. Because moving representative armies around a board and getting angry with your backstabbing friends for several hours is a good movie plot:
Sony Pictures announced today it's acquired the motion picture rights to the board game of world conquest, "Risk", from Hasbro. Doug Belgrad and Matt Tolmach, presidents of Columbia Pictures, say the film will be produced and developed by Hasbro’s Brian Goldner and Bennett Schneir and Overbrook Entertainment's James Lassiter. Belgrad pointed to the success of movies from toys Transformers and G.I. Joe (but not to the dismal movie from the board game Clue) to claim audiences have "shown a great desire for films that bring to life everything that has made these franchise properties stand the test of time."
Screenwriters, I suggest you start the story in Australia and move on from there. Unless you're starting with a great plot foundation in North or South America, in which case just go for it there.
Feb 5 2009 'Candy Land' Gets Writer, Director, Candy
Universal has announced the writing/directing team for their movie based on the board game Candy Land, and you know they're going to screw up the part where someone picks a card with a color on it and then advances to the next instance of that color:
Studio has set Etan Cohen to write and Kevin Lima to direct a live-action feature based on the enduring Hasbro board game.Lima most recently directed the Amy Adams starrer "Enchanted" after helming the animated features "Tarzan" and "102 Dalmatians." Cohen's recent script work includes "Tropic Thunder" and "Madagascar 2," and he most recently rewrote "The Fiance," the Burr Steers-directed romantic comedy that will star Anne Hathaway.
I am highly opposed to this. When a kid is playing Candy Land, they should be basking in the dreams of living in a candy-based world and enjoying the freedom that comes with chance controlling your every move. They shouldn't have to stop and say "Wait, Madison, if I'm rounding Gumdrop Lane, does that mean I'm after the part where Alan Cumming as Dr. Licorice has kidnapped the kids and they're about to reluctantly return to the human world through the Lollipop Portal?" Let the children keep their context-free world paved in diabetes. Trouble, on the other hand--go ahead and make a Trouble movie. What's the trouble? Let's find out.
'Candy Land' coming to bigscreen [Variety]
May 29 2008 Guess What Mystical Board Capable of Contacting the Spirits and Asking Them Trivial Questions is Becoming a Movie!
When a partnership between Universal and Hasbro formed in February, giving the studio access to Hasbro's board game library and making a movie version of Magic: The Gathering slightly more than just a dream in a lonely 7th grade mind, I figured it was one of those things we'd hear an announcement for but never have to worry about again--like Grandparents Day, or a miscarriage. After all, if no one can even get a movie about Wonder Woman--a popular character with a long history--off the ground, what chance does a game where you move a planchette around a lettered board have?
A lot, it turns out, thanks to the usual suspect in converting childhood fun into film misery, Michael Bay. His Platinum Bay studio and writer David Berenbaum have announced plans to bring the Ouija Board to screens in a movie titled simply, beautifully, Ouija. And it sounds great:
Although the specific log line for the film is being kept under wraps, the film will be a supernatural adventure with the Ouija board playing an integral part of the story. The movie is not taking a "Jumanji"-like approach, which involved a game coming to life.
Whew! I was worried a Ouija Board movie called Ouija wouldn't prominently feature the Ouija Board, or play out enough like an extended commercial. Or that it would be like Jumanji, in that the sun, moon, and alphabet would literally emerge from the board and trample through a house. Thank you for putting those fears to bed. My only question is if they'll invent some hackneyed story about a hard-to-find antique shop and an old Gypsy woman who sells the kids the magical board, or if the kids will just pick it up for a couple dollars at a closing Kay-Bee Toys in their local mall, like how most people acquire the mystical eventual-TV-tray known as Ouija.
May 14 2008 Hasbro Now Officially Owns Your Entire Childhood
For too long the bigwigs down at TV-Loonland have kept their puffy, white-gloved hands clenched in tight, wacky fists around the Sunbow Cartoon library, keeping it from the rightful owners, the kindly old toymakers at Hasbro. No longer! Hasbro announced today that the company has reacquired the rights to the collection, allowing them access to such '80s classics as G.I. Joe, Transformers, My Little Pony, and yes, even Kanye West's favorite, Connect Four: The Series, which needs to immediately be released on DVD and copied to YouTube, so that I can see how a cartoon about lines of colored discs possibly worked without paying for it. I'm picturing sort of a Civil War military drama.
Feb 20 2008 Universal, Hasbro Announce Bad Idea Partnership
Universal Pictures and Hasbro have announced a six-year partnership that will produce at least four films based on the following games: Monopoly, Candy Land, Ouija, Battleship, Magic: The Gathering, and Stretch Armstrong. Aside from Ridely Scott's inexplicable involvement in the Monopoly project, very little is known about how the properties would be developed into feature films. So how about I pitch some ideas?
Ouija - A group of gullible teenagers attribute a string of recent murders to a ghost, only to find out it was just their asshole friend doing it. (Note: This should be made in Asia first, then remade here.)
Clue - A wealthy mansion-owner invites a group of similarly affluent guests over to watch Clue.
Battleship - A hotshot naval commander attempts a daring new formation of lining up his fleet in a row along the border. This fails, but the young leader still finds victory after the enemy can't find his f***ing destroyer.
Monopoly - A light-hearted gathering erupts in argument; the film ends abruptly.
Stretch Armstrong - This movie (and toy) should never be made, but will star Jim Carrey and a lot of low-budget CGI.
Candy Land - A band of outcast teenagers find themselves in a colorful, candy-coated world where their movements are dictated by color. It turns out they're just really, really high.
Magic: The Gathering - An exciting battle between a powerful orc shaman and a dwarf paladin suddenly becomes dull when someone realizes it's a card game.
Any other/better ideas? It seems like the Magic movie should work in woeful virginity, but I'm not sure how.
Universal rolls dice with Hasbro [Variety]
