Aug 11 2009 'G.I. Joe' Still Really Popular Even When It Scarcely Resembles Its Original Form

Sorry, guys, Daddy had a doctor's appointment this morning and it took much longer than expected to get the news I'm not entirely dying. Anyway, let's get the weekend's box office numbers out of the way:

1. G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra - $54.7 million, thanks to Transformers paving the way for basically anything with a lot of action and an '80s toyline to make a ton of money.

2. Julie & Julia - $20 million, though if the film encouraged just one person to go home and cook a nice meal, that's worth more in a way. In a really stupid way, where a night of pork chops is worth over $20 million.

3. G-Force - $9.9 million. I liked how the guinea pigs talked.

4. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince - $8.9 million. Clearly our most profitable magic user.

5. Funny People - $8 million, narrowly beating Standard People.

Weekend Box Office Results [Box Office Mojo]

Aug 4 2009 'Funny People' Beat the Potter

Your weekend box office results. Sorry they're a day later than usual, but the delay does mean these are the final tallies, rather than the estimates. Feel confident transcribing them in permanent ink:

1. Funny People - $22.7 million. Sad when you realize that any of Funny People's intentionally-idiotic Sandler parody films--Astro-Not and Re-Do (above), for example--would have opened to twice that. People just love babies with man-heads so much.

2. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince - $17.9 million, barely edging past G-Force--probably because it's based on an insanely popular book series instead of the concept of talking guinea pigs as spies.

3. G-Force - $17.5 million. It's probably not doing as well as an Alvin and Chipmunks because of the lack of high-pitched singing. Gotta put some sauce on that pizza or it's just cheese bread; know what I'm sayin'?

4. The Ugly Truth - $13.2 million. Haha! Men have penises and girls have vaginas and they typically behave differently! Haha!

5. Aliens in the Attic - $8 million. Aliens and attics: not a successful combination, it turns out. Ridley Scott is going to have to rethink some things for his Alien prequel.

Weekend Box Office Results [Box Office Mojo]

Jul 27 2009 Talking Guinea Pigs Last Weekend's Most Popular Film Subject

Here's last weekend's box office top five. Rattle these numbers off at your next party to show your guests you assign some of your memory to remembering how well The Ugly Truth performed financially.

1. G-Force - $32.2 million. The CGI rodent + speech formula continues to work disgustingly well.

2. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince - $30 million. The star that has all its fan see it opening night burns fastest, Harry.

3. The Ugly Truth - $27 million. Now we can stop those commercials where the characters' actions are arbitrarily assigned gender points? How does Gerard Butler winking earn a point for men?

4. Orphan - $12.8 million. I didn't see this, but I heard about the ending, and it's simultaneously both more out-there and more grounded than I ever would have thought.

5. Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs - $8.2 million. It seems unfair Orphan got flack for discouraging adoption but Ice Age didn't. Think about if you adopted a kid and had to take them to see Ray Ramano as a mammoth.

Weekend Box Office Results [Box Office Mojo]

Jul 20 2009 Your Weekend Box Office Top Five

Use these weekend box office figures to determine if you, a studio executive, can afford that new boat:

1. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince - The only way a Harry Potter movie wouldn't open at #1 is if people's heads started exploding when watching the Quidditch scenes. But that didn't happen, so it made $79.5 million

2. Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs - $17.7 million. Time to move on beyond the Ice Age and use CGI and Ray Romano to make a representation of EVERY age, so that we can finally throw away our history books and replace them all with charming family films.

3. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen - $13.8 million, easily besting last week's winner, Bruno, even though, if you pay attention, this film actually has far more exposed penises.

4. Bruno - $8.3 million, taking a massive, 73% drop. I guess the old Irish guy's admonition worked in scaring everyone off.

5. The Hangover - $8.3 million. I had no idea this would remain in the top 5 for so long. There's absolutely nothing else to comment about it. You win, The Hangover.

Weekend Box Office Results [Box Office Mojo]

Jul 15 2009 'Harry Potter' is King of Midnight (Until the New 'Twilight' Movie, Probably)

Cheer up, Sad Wizard: Harry Potter just broke a record! According to Variety, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince opened last night to the largest midnight opening ever, earning an estimated $22.2 million, easily besting The Dark Knight's $18 million and Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith's $17 million. But don't worry, Batman and Star War, your still hold the shared title for sweatiest, heaviest-breathing male patrons. No one is taking that one any time soon.

Jun 17 2009 New 'Half-Blood Prince Posters': God, Harry Potter, Kiss Her! KISS HER!

New Harry Potter posters, Harry Potteriacs! There are finally enough that, if you start looking at Half-Blood Prince posters from the start right now, the last one in this set will be your final image you see before you die.

Links below for the others:
- Ron in a Lifetime Movie about a jealous love triangle.
- Hermione escaping unnecessary PDA, and birds.
- Female magician equivalent of '50s gang henchman who always wore 3D glasses.
- Sir Ian McKellen rear shot.

Apr 30 2009 'Harry Potter' Has at Least One Half a Wolfman

There's some kind of Monster Squad-esque partial wolfman in Harry Potter now? Where have I been? Clearly I need to catch up on this franchise. These guys are pulling out all the stops to keep up with the Twilights.

Several more intense backwards glance posters at Cinematical.

Apr 17 2009 New 'Harry Potter' Trailer: Always Make Time for Magic Sports

There's a new trailer for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, and things are getting bleak for Harry, red-haired boy, and the girl. "The darkest hour is upon us all," the narrator claims! But also there's some Quidditch. Always time for a little Quidditch. The darkest hour is here; the black arts are winning; we might all die; still though, let's do that Quidditch tourney. We can squeeze that in. Hogwart's has a great offensive line-up this year!

Get it together, Potter. Oh, and here's the trailer:

Continue Reading " New 'Harry Potter' Trailer: Always Make Time for Magic Sports "

Mar 26 2009 Where's the Poster Magic, Harry Potter?

Harry Potter, you are getting boring. Remember how exciting your posters used to be? Look at the Sorcerer's Stone one. Those were the glory days. You got this nice painting with an owl, a castle, a little gremlin transcriber, a wizard, beard guy, some kids on flying broomsticks, and you were decent enough to PUT ON A TIE. When you said, "Let the magic begin," I said, "What time? I'll make sure to pick-up some wine."

Now you're just standing around a filthy subway station, brooding in your Arizona jeans. Step it up, HP. When you're the king, everyone's coming at your crown.

More new character posters, including redhead kid, girl, and white-hair kid, here.

Feb 23 2009 A Few Seconds of a Bunch of Upcoming Movies

If you made it to the end of the Oscars--or more likely, if you dozed off and were awakened by the credit sequence's jamming guitar--the night's reward was a three-minute movie preview sequence. For some of the films (Public Enemies, Whatever Works), it was a first look at scenes from highly-anticipated projects. For others (Old Dogs!), it was the warning: oh god, Robin Williams and John Travolta made some kind of boot camp comedy, and it's called Old Dogs. Here it is:

Continue Reading " A Few Seconds of a Bunch of Upcoming Movies "

Feb 5 2009 The Snow Never Falls on Harry Potter's Face

So if Daniel Radcliffe is looking at you, and old man wizard is reflected in his glasses, does that mean that's you??? Dare to think about it.

New International Harry Potter 6 Teaser Poster [Coming Soon]

Jan 23 2009 'Harry Potter and that Half-Blood Prince' Trailer in the Japanese

Don't be a chump! Why wait for the new domestic trailer for Harry Potter when you can watch this Japanese version right now? Maybe because it has Japanese narration, glowing Japanese subtitles, and that annoying little picture-in-picture thing so ubiquitous in Japanese television. But if you're OK with all that, here it is:

Continue Reading " 'Harry Potter and that Half-Blood Prince' Trailer in the Japanese "

Nov 14 2008 'Harry Potter 14' Trailer

Remember when Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince was meant to come out in November? Those were the days, before the release change. You were supposed to be knee-deep in boy wizard next weekend! Now you're going to have to see Twilight eight times instead. Nothing is fair.

Continue Reading " 'Harry Potter 14' Trailer "

Oct 27 2008 New 'Harry Potter' Trailer is the Chosen One?

For most of my life, I've been operating under the assumption that I'm the chosen one. When someone calls and asks for the chosen one, I say, "Speaking." When the Red Robin offers a free sundaes to birthday boys and chosen ones, I say, "Free ice cream, please--the latter stipulation." But if this Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince international trailer is to be believed, Harry Potter is the chosen one. Whaaaaa?

As we all know, there can be only one, so what gives? I thought I was the chosen one. If it turns out I'm not the chosen one, I am so pissed. But besides including the news that I might not be the chosen one, this looks OK:

Continue Reading " New 'Harry Potter' Trailer is the Chosen One? "

Oct 3 2008 Before You Buy That Harry Potter Desk Calendar Just for the Photos...

Here they are! (via JoBlo) Yes, whoever made the Harry Potter desk calendar this year committed a grave error: they included unreleased studio images from whatever Harry Potter movie we're on at this point! And now someone on a LiveJournal community has posted all 40-some of them, so enjoy.

I might be wrong about this, since I'm completely unfamiliar with Harry Potter characters, but is it possible the above image reveals an appearance by Richard Belzer's classic, show-spanning character, John Munch? It definitely does.

Aug 20 2008 WB Responds to Fan Freakout Over 'Harry Potter' Delay

Warner Brothers President Alan Horn has issued an official statement in response to the backlash over the moving of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince from November to July. Apparently we were all way off, and the decision was not made because of money. It's more about rationing out our dwindling supply of nature's most precious non-renewable resource, child wizard movies:

Many of you have written to me to express your disappointment in our moving "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" to Summer 2009.

Please be assured that we share your love for Harry Potter and would certainly never do anything to hurt any of the films. Over the past 10 years, we have nurtured and protected each film, and the integrity of the books upon which they are based, to the best of our ability.

The decision to move "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" was not taken lightly, and was never intended to upset our Harry Potter fans. We know you have built this series into what it is, and we thank you for your ongoing enthusiasm and support.

If I may offer a silver lining: there would have been a two-year gap between "Half-Blood Prince" and the much-anticipated first part of "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows," which opens in November 2010.

So although we have to wait a little longer for "Half-Blood Prince," the wait from that film until "Deathly Hallows" will be less than 18 months. I am sorry to have disappointed you now, but if you hold on a little longer, I believe it will be worth the wait.

Alan Horn
President, Chief Operating Officer
Warner Bros.

Why does this sound so much like a parent explaining a divorce to a kid? "Don't worry, Daddy still loves Mommy, and would never do anything to hurt her. We've tried to the best of our ability for the last ten years, but it just isn't working out. We never meant for this to hurt you. And look at it this way: now you'll get two Christmases! Only one will be much later, and unfortunately your mom's new friend 'Chad' will be at one." If I cared about Harry Potter movies, I would not feel better about this.

WB's Alan Horn Addresses Harry Potter Fans [ComingSoon]

Aug 15 2008 Warner Doesn't Care About Harry Potter-Lovers' Fragile Psyches

Bad news for people who like those kid wizard books that became kid wizard movies: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince has been pushed back from November of this year to July 17, 2009 because Warner thinks it would make more money then.

To summarize:

Jul 30 2008 'Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince' Trailer

Well, here's the trailer to Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, complete with child version of Voldemort. I'm normally pretty unimpressed by the whole typically-creepy, Damien-esque kid thing, but here it sort of works. Knowing this kid will grow up to be a powerful wizard with the head of Bat Boy, you kind of want him to be pretty weird--otherwise, any of our children could be next!

Continue Reading " 'Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince' Trailer "

Jul 8 2008 Instinctual Analysis of New 'Harry Potter' Photos

Over at the MTV Movies Blog, they have some new shots from Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince complete with thoughtful, thorough analysis of each photo and how it may fit into the story. I, on the other hand, know very little about the Potter-verse (I assume people call it this), and had to keep referring to their post just to remember the name of the latest chapter (Half-Blood Prince? Whatever you say, Rowling). So my post for the same images is considerably less informed, but it has a lot of heart and can-do spirit.

Now it's your choice: an analytical dissection based on knowledge and insight, or go with my gut. (My gut is never wrong.)

Continue Reading " Instinctual Analysis of New 'Harry Potter' Photos "

Dec 14 2007 First Look at 'Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince'

Those folks down at the Harry Potter Movie Making Factory know exactly how to get me juiced up about the new one: with a slightly different hairstyle, ringer tee, unadorned jacket, a couple books, and teenage angst, all on a wax figure of K.D. Lang.

First Pic From Harry Potter 6 [Empire]