Jul 23 2007 Crap Rules Box Office, Travolta Rules My Nightmares
Despite a heavy-handed marketing effort, Hairspray couldn't compete with worse-reviewed Chuck & Larry or Harry Potter.
If people are looking for a reason why, they need look no further than the picture of John Travolta in drag above. I don't care how good you tell me this movie is, that is the scariest thing I've ever seen. I had a nightmare that I was buried alive inside a coffin with the re-animated corpse of Tammie Faye and it was less scary than that (too soon?).
I would rather see Knüt the polar bear get electrocuted to death by Michael Vick than see two hours of John Travolta in drag. I would rather fall asleep with Shia LaBeouf gently nibbling my earlobe than see this movie. Okay, maybe that last one's not such a good example, but still man, like, creepy.
Jun 15 2007 Hairspray Clip Makes me Die on Inside
"For the last time, my son is NOT autistic!"
The MTV movie blog has an exclusive clip from Hairspray. This is noteworthy in the sense that, in less than two minutes, it manages to squeeze in almost everything I hate about bad movies: stilted dialogue, cross dressing, poorly executed regional accents, "sassy" black people saying "sassy" things for "comic" relief, bad fat jokes, ugly people, and many more. Since watching this clip, I have the sudden urge to suck ten dicks.
May 24 2007 Groundhog Day for Kids: Adam Shankman is Super Original
"I wake up every day, and it's the same stupid remake pitch ideas!"
Variety is reporting that Disney has acquired the pitch, that's right, I said 'pitch', not 'script', for Monday Monday, which it describes as follows:
[The] "Groundhog Day"-like script by first-time feature writer Flint Wainess will follow a neurotic teen who has to relive his disastrous first day at a new high school until he gets it right.
Groundhog Day, IN HIGH SCHOOL. It's such a brilliant, out-there idea. I can see why the mere premise alone would be enough to spark a bidding frenzy. It's not every day a supernova of creativity like this rockets out your cornhole.
The project will be produced by Jennifer Gibgot and Adam Shankman, whose directing resume includes, but is not limited to: Hairspray (the upcoming remake), Cheaper by the Dozen 2, The Pacifier, Bringing Down the House, A Walk to Remember, and The Wedding Planner.
I'm tempted to say something snotty, but judging by his last name, his ancestors stabbed people in prison. Which is not to say I'm scared, it's just that we may be related.
