Nov 2 2009 'How To Train Your Dragon' Trailer: 'ET'/'Iron Giant'/etc. Gets Reptilian
You know the story. Boy finds freak; boy befriends freak; men in power see freak as threat and try to capture/kill freak friend; you sit through the credits hoping the darkness will hide your tears. And this time our freak is: the dragon. Because aliens and giant robots filling the role still were never quite nerdy enough.
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Aug 20 2009 'Law Abiding Citizen' Poster: Ah, That's a Familiar Sight
This poster nearly perfectly recreates what I see every morning when I stop at the local toy shoppe and covetously stare through their display window at that Lawyer Gear Jamie Foxx doll I want so desperately. I'll have you one day, Jamie Fox doll. One day.
'Law Abiding Citizen' Poster [IMPA]
Aug 14 2009 'Law Abiding Citizen' Trailer: I Get the Sense He's No Longer Law Abiding
When you're seeing a movie called Law Abiding Citizen, starring Gerard Butler doing his best "Give me back my son!!!!"-style Mel Gibson, you figure that, by the end, this eponymous citizen's convictions will be tested if not broken. His daughter was murdered, the justice system failed him, and movie conventions dictate that this means the once notably law-abiding man will now take the law into his own hands.
What you don't expect is that he'll for some reason become a makeup-less Joker, somehow pulling off ridiculously complex murder plots from the confines of a prison cell, infuriating his Batman, Jamie Foxx. Now you know to expect that:
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May 21 2009 'Gamer' Trailer: In This Game, There Are No Little Power-Ups with Red Cross Symbols on Them!
Imagine: a future based on someone's dim recollections of The Running Man and Death Race--a future where death row inmates are given a shot at freedom if they agree to compete in a ridiculous form of neo-entertainment. And imagine that the neo-entertainment is much like a first-person shooter video game, but also sort of like virtual reality, wherein outsider "gamers" mind-control the actions of the incarcerated. And pretend that the role of "gamer" would not be limited to the few privileged elite (probably Richard Branson and Moby) able to afford the surely expensive price of getting to control a man's fate; let's just say kids got to make criminals like Gerard Butler, John Leguizamo, and Ludacris jump and shoot their way to freedom.
That future is now!:
May 8 2009 'Gamer' Poster: There is a Boy Inside 300
In the future, all movie posters will react to your mouse movement by revealing a boy underneath the face of Gerard Butler, but we're not in the future--we're in the future's past--so for now only this poster for Gamer has such a stupid level of interactivity (interactive version under the cut). Only your filthy trackpad can Tetris his identity back together!
The film's official synopsis almost helps it make sense. People are playing people!!!:
GAMER is a high-concept action thriller set in the near future, a time when mind-control technology has taken society by storm. Humans control other humans in a mass-scale, multi-player online game. Reclusive billionaire Ken Castle has created the controversial form of entertainment, "Slayers," a hugely popular game that allows millions to act out their innermost desires and fantasies - online- in front of a global audience. Gaming has evolved into a terrifying new dimension...mind control... manipulation... people playing people!At the center is Kable, the superstar and cult hero of "Slayers," the savage, ultraviolent first person shooter game. Kable is controlled by Simon, a young gamer with rock star status who continues to defy all odds by guiding Kable to victory each week. Taken from his family, imprisoned and forced to fight against his will, the modern day gladiator must survive long enough to escape the game to free his family, regain his identity and to save mankind from Castle's ruthless technology.
So it's The Running Man by way of Doom. I'm with you there. But how will Kable escaping the game allow him to save mankind from Castle's ruthless technology? Unless gets loose, then shatter the "mother chip." I will accept anything involving a "mother chip" as an explanation.
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Feb 13 2009 'Tales of the Black Freighter' Trailer: Check Out This Shark!
When Watchmen comes to theaters on March 6, don't be surprised if you miss part of the story--and not just because you're watching it through the crude nylon mask of your Rorschach costume Tales of the Black Freighter, the castaway comic that runs parallel to the main story, was cut from the film, but will be released as an animated DVD on March 24. The newly-released trailer makes it look like it was meant to be part of MTV's Liquid Television, so unless things have changed since 1992, my mom probably won't want me watching it:
Continue Reading " 'Tales of the Black Freighter' Trailer: Check Out This Shark! "
Dec 1 2008 'The Ugly Truth' Trailer is so True: Men and Women ARE Like That!
No matter what I think about Hollywood's near-vacuum of originality and tendency to pander to the lowest common denominator, I have to occasionally give credit to them for committing to the kind of daring experimentation that advances the medium. I may never desire watching the Star Wars prequels again, but I can respect how the series' advancements in computer effects. And though I'll never, ever watch The Ugly Truth in its entirety, I can appreciate how this trailer answers the question, "What if you locked a 'men are like this, women are like this' stand-up comic in a room and told him to re-write Hitch using a SpikeTV-ized version of Tom Cruise's character from Mangolia."
It's so romantic when a horrible person and a crazy person are able to find love through misogyny:
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Jun 25 2008 'RocknRolla' Trailer is Snatch-a-Lock-Stock-Tastic
Empire has the debut of the trailer for Guy Ritchie's RocknRolla, starring that fellow from The Wire, the guy from Cupid, the considerate dead boyfriend of P.S. I Love you, Ludacris, and more! If you can imagine a live-action version of Grand Theft Auto IV but with slightly more-varied accents, it sort of looks like that. Or if you've seen any of Guy Ritchie's films besides the one with his sinewy wife, it's exactly like that.
See the trailer here. All comments regarding it must begin with "I liked it more when it was called..."
Feb 28 2008 So, Gerard Butler WILL be in 'Watchmen'!
Gerard Butler, long-rumored for a part in Zack Snyder's Watchmen adaptation, has admitted that he is providing the voiceover for the Tales of the Black Freighter section of the film--the pirate part of the comic that you mostly skipped over but pretended to enjoy as a brilliant post-modern parallel. Additionally, the actor noted that the section will be done in the style of Japanese anime. In fitting with that aesthetic, instead of using the bloated corpses of his crew to form a makeshift raft, the castaway will use cat-girls to build a really sweet mech.
Gerard Butler Talks Black Freighter [Empire]
Dec 26 2007 'Nim's Island' Poster Accurately Portrays Film's Psychoses
It appears Abigail Breslin has grown to the size of a building in order to avoid the dangers of sharks and cartoon pirates. Gerard Butler remains a homeless Indiana Jones while Jodie Foster seems to be halfway through a transformation into Reese Witherspoon, and she's holding a shoe? In the background, a volcano spews an eruption of dreams.
Thankfully, last week's trailer explained all of this apparent madness: everyone in this film is at varying degrees of crazy.
Nim's Island One-Sheet [IESB]
Dec 19 2007 'Nim's Island' Trailer is Chock-Full of Psychoses
A summary of the new Jodie Foster/Abigail Breslin/Gerard Butler family adventure, Nim's Island, as provided by Yahoo:
Anything can happen on Nim's Island, a magical place ruled by a young girl's imagination. It is an existence that mirrors that of her favorite literary character, Alex Rover - the world's greatest adventurer. But Alexandra, the author of the Rover books, leads a reclusive life in the big city. When Nim's father goes missing from their island, a twist of fate brings her together with Alexandra. Now they must draw courage from their fictional hero, Alex Rover, and find strength in one another to conquer Nim's Island.
Things omitted from this relatively banal description of Nim's Island:
- When it says Nim's Island is "a magical place ruled by a young girl's imagination," they don't mean figuratively. It appears that Nim is a god-like character whose will becomes reality. Either that, or she suffers from paranoid hallucinations, which would actually be an apt parallel, since...
- Jodie Foster's character clearly suffers from intense schizophrenia, social anxiety disorder, mysophobia, and possibly epilepsy. The film seems to use both her vivid hallucinations and uncontrollable seizures as comedic quirks. (Hah! She's talking to her visual realization of a fictional character while in the presence of others! Haha! Now she's convulsing too much to comfortably leave her home!)
I could go on--maybe touching on the (possibly delusional) presence of pirates and Arabian warriors, and the topical airport security jokes--but I think the overabundance of mental disorders is already enough to change this from a passable family fantasy to a mandatory Psych 101 field trip.
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Nov 9 2007 First Look at 'Nim's Island', Gerard Butler's Halloween Costume
It's over a week late, but we finally got some exclusive shots of Gerard Butler's inspired, if not convoluted, Halloween costume! This year the 300 star went as a hobo dressed as Indiana Jones protecting his wallet from a tanning bed. And I have to say, he effing nailed it.
Confusingly, USA Today has run the same picture as a promotional photo for Nim's Island, in which Butler plays both marine biologist father and imaginary adventuring hero to young Abigail Breslin. After the father goes missing, Nim (Breslin) starts emailing the adventurer, who is actually a reclusive author played by Jodie Foster, for help in finding him. Add a pegasus and this movie has everything a little girl could want.
First look: All is idyllic on 'Nim's Island' [USA Today]
Sep 20 2007 'P.S., I Love You' Trailer Will Ruin '300' for You
P.S., I Love You tells the story of a woman (Hilary Swank) with an obnoxious, arrogant, Irish douchebag husband (Gerard Butler) that she seems to have some affection for. Upon his death, however, the mediocre spouse suddenly becomes World's Coolest Husband, sending her on trips and acting really cool with her going out with dudes, all through a series of posthumous notes and recordings. Instead of finding it really f***ing creepy that her husband was so intricately planning for his untimely death, Swank follows the advice and ends up meeting a new douchebag, Harry Connick, Jr.
P.S., It looks wretched.
