Dec 10 2007 Weekend Box Office: 'Golden Compass' Wins, Still Does Horribly
1. The Golden Compass - A disappointing $26.1 million weekend proves it takes more than Nicole Kidman, epic battles, and armored CGI polar bear fights to bring in audiences. It also takes a giant robot polar bear that totally eats the shit out of every other polar bear.
2. Enchanted - I can't figure out why America paid $10.7 million to see a fairy tale princess in the real world when we've already had one. Rest in peace, Diana!
3. This Christmas - Why talk about the $5 million weekend gross when Chris Brown could sing about it?
4. Fred Claus - $4.7 million worth of recommendations to not see Fred Claus.
5. Beowulf - After taking in another $4.4 million, what's next for Beowulf? Answer: NEOwulf!
Honorable Mention: Juno only made $420,000, but it only played on seven screens, so that's nutso.
Weekend Box Office Results [Box Office Mojo]
Nov 19 2007 'Beowulf' Soullessly Wins Weekend Box Office
1. Beowulf - America shows an exceptional tolerance for frightening, not-quite-human, animated beings, as long as one of them is basically naked, by donating $28.1 million to the cause.
2. Bee Movie - After taking in another $14.3 million, bringing it to $93.8 million total, something tells me Jerry Seinfeld is already hard at work on commercials for Bee Movie 2.
3. American Gangster - $13.2 million isn't too shabby, but imagine what it could be making if Denzel Washington were (a) computer-generated, (b) an insect, (c) both, or (d) Will Smith.
4. Fred Claus - $12 million seems like a lot to pay to rid yourself of any and all early Christmas excitement.
5. Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium - If Mr. Magorium were truly magic, he would have erased Willy Wonka from the public consciousness before this was released, possibly giving it a chance to earn more than $10 million.
Nov 12 2007 'Bee Movie' Takes Weekend Top Spot
1. Bee Movie - As it turns out, last week's box office win by American Gangster was not because it was the superior movie, but because people somehow missed the non-stop media barrage and didn't know there was a movie about cartoon bees. ($26 million)
2. American Gangster - Still doing well at $24.3 million, it could have done better were it not for rumors of a coming International Gangster.
3. Fred Claus - Failing to knock either of last week's top two from their spots with only $19 million, it seems people are waiting until closer to Christmas for this one. Or until chemicals and violent shaking have addled their brains enough--whichever comes first.
4. Lions for Lambs - $6.7 million is still a lot of people wanting to hear Robert Redford making boring, obvious political points.
5. Dan in Real Life - With his cut of this latest $5.9 million, Dane Cook should buy himself some new leather wristband things. You deserve it, Dane!
Weekend Box Office Results [Box Office Mojo]
Sep 21 2007 'Fred Claus' Poster May Be Offensive
I know that Fred Claus is about Santa Claus's brother coming to visit and annoy him for the holidays, but I think there are two ways this could play out.
The bad way: Like Houseguest, starring Sinbad, or Uncle Buck, we're meant to find it amusing that they've created a terribly obnoxious character that we're forced to endure for two hours.
The good way: Like What's Eating Gilbert Grape, we see how even the most giving man on Earth cracks under the pressure of dealing with his screaming, retarded brother.
Originally I would have assumed the first option, but this poster has me thinking we've still got a shot at the good one.
EXCLUSIVE POSTER: 'Fred Claus' [Cinematical]
Jul 10 2007 Fred Claus Teaser Trailer
Every time Vince Vaughn grows an undereye bag, an angel gets its wings.
Watching the Fred Claus trailer, it's hard for me not to do a balancing act, like some sort of well-hung Lady Justice with 20/20 vision (thanks, LASIK). On one side you've got Vince Vaughn, Paul Giamatti, Kevin Spacey, the director of Wedding Crashers, and an apparent lack of Tim Allen. On the other, you've got... a Christmas movie. With elves. And people falling down in the trailer.
To bash it or not to bash it, which way will the scale swing? At tough times like these, I always turn to Onanism, my only true friend.
