Mar 20 2009 50-Cent, E-Rob Join 'Expendables'

You can stop looking for Idi Amin or Gandhi in Stallone's The Expendables. Forest Whitaker and Ben Kingsley are out! And in their place, you're getting a 50-Cent and an Eric Roberts, respectively. Sly lays it out in the following message he sent to AICN:

Hale Caesar is Curtis Jackson Toll Road (new character) is Randy Couture Monroe is Eric Roberts Tool (an ex-Expendable) is Mickey Rourke Bao is Jet Li Lee Christmas is Jason Statham Lacy is Charisma Carpenter Sandra is Giselle Itie (famous Brazilian actress) And Barney 'the schizo' Ross is Yours Truly.

The anger of the casting of 50 Cent is understandable,
but not fair. A player is only as good as his coach. If a man can
communicate in one medium, he can communicate in another if his strengths
are brought out and he has the support of well-wishers. So, trust me, the
change of Forest Whitaker to 50 Cent AKA Curtis Jackson is a good one.

Nobody wanted Eric Roberts over Ben Kingsley, but I believe it's a vastly
improved casting. The point is, you either believe in me and the project,
setting your personal feelings aside, or you take a darker approach, which
really serves no purpose since your insight and suggestions and overall enthusiasm are a great thrill for me to behold everyday I sign on.

Of course nobody wanted Eric Roberts over Ben Kingsley, but you don't have to say that, Stallone. Don't rub it in Eric Roberts' face that he is Eric Roberts. He managed to get in The Dark Knight. Let him have that for few years before reminding him he will never, in any way, be more desirable an actor than Ben Kingsley.

It's alright, E.R. At least you still have your hair.

Jan 7 2009 Mickey Rourke and Every Other Action Star Considered 'Expendable'

It gets tedious covering every piece of casting news--there's only so much you can say when Kate Hudson joins another romantic comedy--and thus I often overlook it. Generally it isn't a big deal, but in the case of my ignoring casting on Sylvester Stallone's upcoming action/adventure, The Expendables, I admit I've made a mistake. He's been putting together a crew of classic action actors that rivals even when there were two Jean-Claude Van Dammes in Double Impact. Just look at this group:

Mickey Rourke has joined the ranks of "The Expendables," joining the ensemble of the Sylvester Stallone-directed action adventure for Nu Image/Millennium Films.

Rourke will play an unscrupulous arms dealer who becomes the go-to guy for a group of mercenaries planning to topple a South American dictator.

Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Randy Couture and Dolph Lungdren play the title characters. Forest Whitaker and Ben Kingsley are also circling the project.

So it's the most definitive bad-ass team you can imagine (minus Arnold, Seagal, and Van Damme, obviously), plus Ben Kingsley. It's like he's there to sanction all the murdering. It would just be senseless violence with that crew shoving their boots in people's brains, but if you've got Gandhi on the team, it must be for the greater good.

Mickey Rourke joins 'Expandables' [Variety]

Dec 10 2008 Trailer for the Movie Where Jessica Biel Strips

Here's the trailer for Powder Blue, a movie notable because Jessica Biel takes it a step past I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry and takes the bra off this time. It goes without saying, this thing is going to be huge at the box office. Just as soon as box office numbers find a way to include how many people have only watched a nude scene compilation on YouTube.

Continue Reading " Trailer for the Movie Where Jessica Biel Strips "

Aug 4 2008 'Winged Creatures' Trailer Sadly Lacks Both Bats and Harpies

Here's the trailer for Winged Creatures, a drama that follows five survivors of a random shooting who decide to make a movie that will draw obvious comparisons to Crash. Wondering why it's called Winged Creatures when my description makes no mention of winged creatures? It's a metaphor!

A moment of random violence erupts in an ordinary Los Angeles diner. The survivors (Kate Beckinsale, Dakota Fanning, Guy Pearce, Forest Whitaker, Josh Hutcherson) find that the meanings of their lives have changed. No matter how much their families and friends (Jennifer Hudson, Jackie Earle Haley, Jeanne Tripplehorn, Embeth Davidtz) attempt to understand, these individuals must follow their own paths to recovery seeking to regain trust in a world that now seems chaotic.

A story of tragedy and hope for our times, Winged Creatures is a powerful ensemble drama that explores the notion that our lives are fleeting, like birds in flight, like winged creatures.

That is so true. I've always said life is like a winged creature. Only instead of birds, I always gave griffins as an example. And I refuse to give my age in anything but "griffin units." The word "year" does nothing to express the transitory nature of life, whereas "griffin units" evoke images of griffins, and how griffins fly, much like how life flies past. And how life is half eagle, half lion.

Continue Reading " 'Winged Creatures' Trailer Sadly Lacks Both Bats and Harpies "

Mar 28 2008 Whitaker Defends 'Where the Wild Things Are'

As rumors continue to fly about possible reshoots for Spike Jonze's suposedly-too-scary-for-kids Where the Wild Things Are, Forest Whitaker--who plays one of said Wild Things--has spoken up to say "WTF, my kids totally dug it," or something to that effect.

If your unending reverence to Spike Jonze has you as concerned as I am about the future of Where the Wild Things Are, I'd suggest reading over the full article, in which Whitaker goes on to describe some plot elements and (spoiler!) monster-as-stepdad metaphor--even suggesting kids may have emotions other than "child-like wonderment", and might actually identify with the darker scenes.

Hopefully Whitaker's words will push Warner to reconsider their assessment. This generation still desperately needs their Return to Oz: something they'll love to be scared shitless by. After all, where would I be today without my undying fear of Wheelers?

Feb 14 2008 'Street Kings' Poster is Really Street-Arty

Way to go, Street Kings, capitalizing on the same vomiting splash of pseudo-graffiti that Comedy Central tried to exploit a few years back. Street Kings will definitely be the edgiest drag king prostitute movie in years.

Street Kings Poster [IMPA]

Feb 11 2008 'Street Kings' Trailer is 'Straight Nightmare,' Says Common

Here's how to make your very own Street Kings trailer: for every time Keanu Reeves says something ridiculously clichéd and completely predictable ("[Your nickname is] Quicks? Not quick enough," for example), add about ten to twenty shots of guns. Using this simple technique, you'll be surprised how easily you're able to pull together a minute-and-a-half of something that resembles a movie.

Also, Common is no longer allowed to act. Ever.

(Thanks Joe and Kyle)

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Jan 7 2008 AM Poster Post: 'Air I Breathe Poster' Is So Deep

A butterfly resting on a handgun. Such a jarring combination of beauty and violence; so deep. Nearly as meaningful as a gazelle perched on a nuclear silo, or a breast plopped next to a land mine. Well done, The Air I Breathe, in hiding your convoluted plot of Crash-meets-Next behind the steadfast mask of rap video symbolism.

The Official MySpace page for The Air I Breathe [official site]

Nov 21 2007 AM Poster Post: 'The Great Debaters' is Totally Inspirational

If that rich, golden hue of morning sun splashing across the face of Mr. Denzel Washington looks familiar, it's because that's the same soft dewdrop of sunlight seen in the poster to Remember the Titans. It is a special ray of sunshine that only comes out when Denzel is being inspirational, and will only kiss his delicate face. It's God's way of saying, "Hey, D-Dubs, keep making mediocre movies that make people feel good in a very generic, unspecific way."

Handsomeness to the over-40 crowd is next to godliness, as they say.

'The Great Debaters' Poster Premiere! [Cinematical]

Nov 15 2007 'The Air I Breathe' Trailer Breathes Itself Online

What would you get if you took the intertwining melodrama of Crash, keeping Brendan Fraser for some reason, replaced all the racial issues with the supernatural ability to tell the immediate future, and added monotone narration? The Air I Breathe, of course, or at least it would seem from the trailer.

I've heard this is actually pretty good. Is that possible? Can anyone confirm this? While I give them credit for not using song "The Air That I Breathe," the only part that got me excited was seeing George of the Jungle's face beaten in. But if there's more of that, I could see how it might be pretty enjoyable.

Trailer under the cut.

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Nov 6 2007 'The Great Debaters' Trailer is Non-Debatably Melodramatic

Having exhausted the options for high school sports, and probably shortly after Dead Poet's Society finally hit the top of his Netflix queue, Denzel Washington has devised a new, less exciting way to tell the story of an underdog African-American team in a racist time period: instead of football or whatever, how about a debate team?

The flaw in this, of course, is that a movie about a debate team is inherently pretty nerdy and uninteresting. Ask someone if they want to watch a feel-good movie about a debate team and, unless they were captain of their debate team, watch their eyes glaze over. (It might be difficult to tell, because their head will be shaking a violent negative.)

I appreciate that Denzel Washington is trying to document all of African-American history through excessive melodrama, but debate teams? After The Great Debaters, can we expected The Great Chess Players? The Great Hall Monitors? The Great Kids Who Had to Wheel Around the Overhead Projectors?

Or maybe the whole thing is just an excuse to finally cast a movie with Denzel Washington, Forest Whitaker, and what I assume is a young, lab-created hybrid of the two, appropriately named Denzel Whitaker. Seriously.

The Great Debaters Trailer [Yahoo!]

Aug 16 2007 Jessica Biel to Reveal Breasts, Butt

Page Six is reporting that Jessica Biel, who recently teased fans of voluptuous yet athletic women in I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, will reveal two of the three female regions males most covet in Powder Blue. A source said Biel "signed a contract that explicitly details the bare minimum fans will see--including shots of her breasts and butt." Apparently there's also some kind of plot with a terminally ill kid and Forest Whitaker, but hopefully that won't detract too much from the glimpse of nipples.

UPDATE: I have fixed my spelling of Jessica Biel in the title, which was previously Bield.

Biel's Going Bare [NY Post]