Aug 10 2009 Stooge Update: Giamatti is Larry, But We Need a New Curly

This is becoming some sort of old comedy film in which everything keeps going wrong! The Boston Globe (via /Film) is reporting Paul Giamatti has filled in the half-bald fro-shaped hole left by Sean Penn's departure from The Three Stooges. Also, Jim Carrey has decided not to gain 50 pounds and shave his head, and is no longer playing Curly:

Peter Farrelly told us that Paul Giamatti has signed on to replace Sean Penn as Larry. (Penn dropped out, citing "personal reasons.")

Still to be cast is Curly. There had been reports that Jim Carrey would utter Curly's signature "n'yuk, n'yuk, n'yuk,'' but it's not so. If Farrelly has someone in mind, he didn't tell us who.

Good thing I already made a list of guys who would be a great Curly, Farrelly Brothers. No need to thank me. Seeing Bedridden Curly (my favorite Curly casting option) get some work will be reward enough.

(Thanks, Thundergirl.)

Mar 25 2009 Penn, Del Toro, and Carrey Probably Your New Larry, Moe, and Curly

The nyucking is all coming together. Variety reports that Sean Penn has officially signed on to play Larry in the Farrelly Brothers' modern take on a Three Stooges comedy; meanwhile, Jim Carrey is in talks to put on 40 pounds to play Curly, and Benicio Del Toro may be getting a bowl-cut:

Studio has set Sean Penn to play Larry, and negotiations are underway with Jim Carrey to play Curly, with the actor already making plans to gain 40 pounds to approximate the physical dimensions of Jerome "Curly" Howard.

The studio is zeroing in on Benicio Del Toro to play Moe.

The film is not a biopic, but rather a comedy built around the antics of the three characters that Moe Howard, Larry Fine and Howard played in the Columbia Pictures shorts.

Steve Martin grave robbing the magnifying glass from Peter Sellers' cold hands has got me used to the idea of modern actors recreating iconic roles. I'm numb to it. Even though I'd say this is far more heinous, being that the actors who played the Stooges are completely synonymous with these roles, I'm willing to let this stand as a misguided tribute.

What worries me, though, is the standard this is setting for the future. In 40 years, when I'm taking my grandchildren to see the latest Ice Age movie (this one has prehistoric mammals, dinosaurs, and jets), I don't want to be greeted with a trailer for a new Austin Powers, with some new actor shouting familiar catchphrases through prosthetic teeth. If we're going to let Three Stooges: 2010 stand as a precedent, the possibility seems too real for comfort.

Nov 4 2008 In Times Like These, We Need a 'Three Stooges' Movie

World economies are failing, stock markets are plummeting, bank systems are collapsing in on themselves, and the government is either too corrupt or too inept to do anything about it. So today, on Election Day, I'm going to take this opportunity to get on my soapbox here and say something I think is of dire importance: what this nation--no, this world--needs is modern actors doing impressions of the Three Stooges in a feature-length family comedy. From Variety:

MGM has revived the long-gestating Peter and Bobby Farrelly Three Stooges project.

"It’s not a biopic. It takes place in present day, and they look, dress and sound exactly like the Stooges," Peter Farrelly told Daily Variety. "When the economy started turning, we felt like the world could use a Stooges slapfest. Bobby and I haven’t done a real physical comedy in a while, and it’s the most exciting thing we could think of now, to have people go to the movie, see some great slapstick fun family humor."

If the doorway to your mind is lodged with the image of a Will Ferrell, a bowl-cutted Ben Stiller, and Jack Black in a bald cap, you probably aren't far off from what we'll get. Well, except for the Jack Black part. Curly, "the most physically gifted member of the trio," will be cast the way all of our most gifted entertainers are found: American Idol-style competition, of course.

Farrelly said that an "American Idol"-like search will be conducted to find Curly, the most physically gifted member of the trio. Auditions will be held in three or four cities and a finalist will be chosen in Los Angeles.

Do you think you have the goods to play Curly? Could an I Watch Stuff reader be the co-star of an ill-fated Three Stooges revival? I would love nothing more. So, to help out any prospective Curlies out there, I've prepared a line-up of what kind of competition you might be facing, noting their strengths and weaknesses. Can you beat these rivals?

Continue Reading " In Times Like These, We Need a 'Three Stooges' Movie "

Oct 28 2008 Jonas Brothers Starring in Farting Dog Movie

For the last month, the box office has been dominated largely by half-CGI dogs and, more recently, strained Disney Channel musical acts, so while I can't say this news is a surprise, I can say that it makes me choke back puke:

Fox has locked the Jonas Brothers to make their feature starring debut in "Walter the Farting Dog." Based on a bestselling series of books by William Kotzwinkle and Glenn Murray, the film is being adapted by Alec Sokolow and Joel Cohen into a family film that will revolve around Nick, Joe and Kevin Jonas, as well as their younger brother Frankie.

Phew, thank god you're getting younger brother Frankie involved. Get that kid in on the act before he experiences the desires that your chastity vows deny! He's already eight; why isn't he on my posters??

The title character in the "Walter" books is a fat dog with severe flatulence. The brothers play musicians whose parents are asked to care for the dog by an aunt just before she passes away.

Ahhh, they're playing MUSICIANS--like they actually are! I smell musical numbers! And comic farts! What's an example of how this would play out though?

"By the time they've driven the dog home, everybody's head is out the window of the family station wagon but Frankie, and only because he has a serious sinus problem and doesn't notice the stench coming from Walter."

Hah! Serious medical issue! Classic! All this film needs now is a jewel heist, invoking that weird, specific kids' movie cliché of kids stopping bumbling criminal caricatures.

While his brothers play music, Frankie and the gaseous hound get involved in a plot that involves liberating a koi fish and thwarting jewel thieves.

And you know what else? Peter and Bobby Farrelly are directing. Remember in junior high and high school, after Dumb & Dumber and There's Something About Mary, when you'd say how much you loved those guys? Well, they've since made The Heartbreak Kid, Fever Pitch, Stuck on You, and now Fart Dog, and I think it's time to definitively amend that statement to, "I loved those guys for a brief period in junior high and high school."

May 31 2007 Trailer: Farrelly Brothers Still Trying

A marvel of form and function, the hat both covered Sarah's softspot AND kept her from eating her hair.

Back in the day, the Farrelly Brothers were the brains behind Kingpin, Dumb and Dumber, and There's Something About Mary (hell, I even liked Outside Providence). But since '99, we've gotten Shallow Hal, Me, Myself & Irene, Osmosis Jones, Stuck on You, and Fever Pitch.

The trailer for their latest, The Heartbreak Kid, with Ben Stiller and Rob Corddry is now online. Another turd would bring them closer to irrelevance, but regardless of what happens, they'll probably be hearing drunk idiots slur quotes from their movies until the day they die.

On another note, anyone else think the blonde chick, Malin Akerman, looks a whole lot like Hannah Hilton? Or possibly a cross between her and Joey Lauren Adams? Look, Malin, if that is your real name, all I'm saying is that you're generic looking.