Jul 16 2007 "Evan Armighty" to be Shelved
A fine mess you've gotten us into...
Poor Evan Almighty. It cost $210 million to make and still hasn't reached the $100 million dollar mark at the box office. And now comes the news that the film won't even be released in Japan.
Sources behind the decision say that it would've been too costly to re-imagine Noah as an attractive school girl whose panties are stolen by a vengeful octopus.
And now I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with all the Steve Carell hugging pillows I made.
Jun 20 2007 Evan Almighty: 8 Minutes of 'Heaven'
There's gotta be something funny under this hair! It worked in 40 Year Old Virgin! And yes, my bathroom has a bidet, what of it?
Eight minutes of Evan Almighty are now online, and it's about as funny as one can expect from a movie that steals premises from Tim Allen. In the clip, Evan struggles to control his hilarious beard growth and tries to explain to his wife why he wants to build a boat.
Don't you get it, hon? God's going to murder all the sinners he created. The lord hates sinners! Or maybe he loves murdering. Anyway, bottom line, we need a boat to survive the drowning of humanity. Isn't life funny sometimes?
And by the way, let's get a bunch of really funny people and make them fall down a lot! Wait, they're not laughing - have him hit himself with the hammer! Ooh, that didn't work either - do it again! Nope. Again! Still nothing. Again! (shrug) Well, shit, I just don't know then.
Jun 12 2007 Evan Almighty Loves Environment as well as Jesus
"Hey, so God, you were just kidding about that whole 'no butt sex' thing, right?"
Roughly $25 million in marketing support is being provided by U[niversal] parent GE (through its Ecomagination campaign), Sheraton Hotels & Resorts, Travelocity, Environmental Defense Fund, Bear Naked, L.A. Zoo, San Diego Zoo, BP Solar and Dell Computers to help U launch its Get on Board eco-awareness campaign and give audiences tips on how to help slow the effects of global warming -- while letting them know "Almighty" is hitting theaters.
You may wonder how a movie that's previously tried to align itself with the God squad is going to reconcile this latest attempt to court environmentalists.
"Almighty" pushes the environmental message in its plot, providing a pivotal reason why God, played by Morgan Freeman, asks the character of Evan Baxter (Steve Carell) to build a critter-filled ark.
Oh! So God is planning to smite everyone not because they're gay or idol worshipers this time, but because they've neglected the environment, I get it. Sounds hilarious!
