Mar 12 2009 'Imagine That' Poster: Eddie Murphy is Furious That He Wears His Daughter's Socks
What if fat suits and shamefully insipid comedy were the secrets of your success? Would that be better, Eddie Murphy?
'Imagine That' Poster [IMPA]
Jan 16 2009 Eddie Murphy is: 'Imagine That'
Eddie Murphy is back, and for once he isn't playing multiple roles--unless you count the dual-role of businessman and father! Which you should, because it turns out it's really difficult to balance the two. Eddie is putting so much work in at the office, he isn't making time for his seven-year-old daughter. What could turn him around? Fat suits? Small, alien Eddie Murphies? Nahhhh. How about finding out that his daughter's imaginary friend princesses can provide him with stock predictions so long as he indulges them with wacky dances?
Dec 18 2008 Fact: Eddie Murphy, Shia LaBeouf in Next Batman
Tabloid magazine The Sun broke this huge story about Batman that, strangely, no one more respectable has heard about:
FUNNYMAN EDDIE MURPHY will play The Riddler in the next Batman movie, The Sun can reveal.The Beverly Hills Cop star, 47, has been signed up by British director CHRISTOPHER NOLAN to reprise the role played by JIM CARREY in 1995’s Batman Forever.
Execs have also signed up rising Transformers star SHIA LABEOUF, 22, to play Robin.
CHRISTIAN BALE will return as Bruce Wayne, while MICHAEL CAINE will again play Bruce’s assistant Alfred.
Meanwhile, Brit RACHEL WEISZ is said to be up for the Catwoman role.
I used to think these British tabloids were making these things up, but lately I'm wondering if it's possible they're just real fools. They get a phone call:
"Hello? Yes, speaking. You're an insider!? Go on. Eddie Murphy? Wow, that seems like it would completely go against everything Christopher Nolan has been doing with the series, but continue. Shia LaBeouf, you say? Spell that. OK, and just to confirm, you said you're definitely a film insider, right? You are? Wait, you sound a lot like the guy who told me last month that Angelina Jolie was going to be Catwoman. Oh, that was a different guy? OK then, sounds good. Thanks!"
I find that idea more believable than the notion that someone would legitimately think anyone would believe Eddie Murphy is playing The Riddler with Shia LaBeouf as Robin. Maybe Chris Tucker and the kid who played Anakin in The Phantom Menace, but not those two.
UPDATE: I didn't think I had to say it, but just to be clear, this is definitely not true.
Jul 28 2008 Forget 'Meet Dave'--'Atrapado en un Pirado' Looks Great!
I gave Eddie Murphy a lot of shit about how awful Meet Dave looked/surely was, but I have to say, it looks like he's redeemed himself with a starring role in this artistic foreign film, Atrapado en un Pirado. If I'm understanding the concept, Murphy's body is serving as a hollow vessel for smaller versions of himself--a metaphor for the ways in which man's physical form is nothing more than a shell driven by the conflicting emotions of the inner psyche, and how the fulfillment of our base desires our ultimately left in the delicate but powerful hands of womankind. Why can't America make movies like this?
Atrapado en un Pirado Poster [IMPA]
Jul 2 2008 'Beverly Hills Cop IV' Will Be Hard R, Obviously Much Better Than 'Beverly Hills Cop III'
Earlier this month, some concern was raised about Bret Ratner's plans to make Beverly Hills Cop IV. Strangely, these concerns had nothing to do with stretching the franchise into a fourth unnecessary film, or that Mr. Rush Hour himself would be the one doing the stretching. They were instead related to a statement made by Ratner that some thought implied the film would be going for a PG rating. How was Axel Foley going to say "fuck," or arbitrarily pull his penis out?
Now Ratner has come forward to address the rumors, explaining to Latino Review that apparently everything on the internet is not factual:
"Dont believe everything you read on the internet. Believe me, this is going to be a hard core 'R' Beverly Hills Cop. I start shooting next year"
Norbit also spoke up, telling MTV why he has committing to the fourth film:
"Because the third 'Beverly Hills Cop' was horrible!" the once and future Detective Axel Foley laughed. "I didn't want to leave it like that. The first two were cool and the third one was sh---y. [Let's] get the franchise fixed again, clean up this old mess and do a good movie.
Ohhhhhh! Because the third one was bad, you want to make a fourth. That plan will definitely work, because fourth films in a series are always the redeeming ones. I can remember, after hating Superman III, being so glad that Superman IV: The Quest for Peace reclaimed the quality of the series with the clumsy Cold War overtones and the introduction of an evil, solar-powered clone. And when Batman and Robin came out, how I was like, "After the mess that was Batman Forever, Batman and Robin has really picked it up, filling in all the holes of the third film with nipple armor, the girl from Clueless, and Arnold Schwartzenegger 'freeze' puns." And I don't think I even need to explain how the fourth Indiana Jones movie completely washed my mouth of the foul taste of that terrible Holy Grail whatever one that I can't even look at because it's so much worse than the new one.
What I'm saying is, Eddie Murphy's logic is impeccable and the fourth Beverly Hills Cop will definitely be much better than the third.
Jun 27 2008 Eddie Murphy's Enormous Foam Bust May Be Coming For You
As a foreboding promotion for Meet Dave, Fox is giving mortals the chance to get inside the head of Eddie Murphy. And no, as you may have inferred from the above image, this does not mean learning the motivations behind how he decides which roles will invoke a fat suit and which only audience frustration. I'm talking about the opportunity to literally climb inside a detailed replica of his smiling head. Yes, right now, as you read this, a trailer is pulling the Effigy Murphy cross-country, giving innocent passersby the chance to treat his bust like a Double Dare event, stopping at designated points to allow the willing to climb inside the ear canal and ponder why they've done so.
I first heard about this monstrosity about a week ago (in this informative write-up of the situation) and meant to warn others then, but in suppressing my anger I somehow pushed the entire thing from my memory and forgot. Thankfully, Galice wrote in today to remind me. (Thanks, Galice!)
Looking at the head's progress map, it appears it will be in Times Square Fourth of July weekend, a celebration of our forefathers granting us the freedom to bear promotional false idols, and I'm thinking I'll probably have to go. When else will I get the chance to climb inside a giant mockup of Eddie Murphy's head? Especially considering its existence likely indicates the end of civilized society. Expect photos.
May 30 2008 Reinhold the Phone! Another 'Beverly Hills' Cop!?
Eddie Murphy isn't about to let Harrison Ford and Sylvester Stallone have all the fun in reviving their old roles and publicly strangling the life out of them. According to Variety, he's attached to again star as Axel Foley in a fourth Beverly Hills Cop! And Brett Ratner, of such eye-rolling sequels as Rush Hour 3 and X-Men 3, is probably directing!
Eddie Murphy is attached to reprise his role as Detroit detective Axel Foley, and Brett Ratner is negotiating to direct.Lorenzo di Bonaventura will produce. Jerry Bruckheimer, who produced the original "Beverly Hills Cop" trilogy with late partner Don Simpson, won't be actively involved in the new film.
If I cared at all about whatever remaining credibility the Beverly Hills Cops series has, I would be so pissed right now. As it stands, I'm mostly just curious why Ratner isn't remaking it from scratch with Chris Tucker. Since Judge Reinhold's name isn't mentioned, I'm already assuming Murphy will be doing that role in white-face, as well as the role of Mini-Axel (an even edgier, smaller than normal Axel, thanks to computers) and Axel's visiting cousin, Norbit Foley.
Eddie Murphy back in 'Beverly Hills' [Variety]
Mar 25 2008 Eddie Murphy IN Eddie Murphy in 'Meet Dave' Trailer
How do you adapt the classic alien-fish-out-of-water concept (Suburban Commando, Alien Crocodile Dundee) to suit the established Eddie Murphy-in-multiple-roles format (Norbit, Nutty Professor, most everything since the mid-'90s) we all love so dearly? Simple: have a small, alien Eddie Murphy pilot a larger Eddie Murphy suit (see: that alien from Men in Black, select Calvin and Hobbes strips)--plus, throw in some gay and testicle-impact jokes. Also highlighted in the trailer: a timely and underused Saturday Night Fever parody, animal abuse, and some "look how sassy black people are--even when aliens" scenes that seem to completely contradict the entire premise that the extraterrestrials can't fit in with human society.
Continue Reading " Eddie Murphy IN Eddie Murphy in 'Meet Dave' Trailer "
Mar 25 2008 'Meet Dave' Poster in Classic Red-on-White Style
What is with all the "Meet ________" movies lately? Are mock personal connections the only way to lure the lonely populace from their homes? More importantly, do you think there's a chance we'll get to see Eddie Murphy in multiple roles?! God, I hope so; Norbit feels like a fat-suited lifetime ago.
Meet Dave Poster [IMPA]
Oct 4 2007 Some Other Crap That Happened...
- Jay Leno is threatening to remain on television beyond his 2009 Tonight Show resignation by signing a deal with another network, thus preserving our ever-growing national catalog of mildly amusing newspaper misprints. [NY Post]
- ABC has contracted Veronica Mars writer (not Matchbox 20 moron) Rob Thomas to resurrect the short-lived sitcom Cupid. With Entourage and male-pattern baldness in full swing, Jeremy Piven won't be reprising his role, meaning it will make even less sense that I still refer to him as "Cupid." [Variety]
- Eddie Murphy and director Brian Robbins (AKA tough guy from Head of the Class) are planning to team up for A Thousand Words, about a man who only has 1,000 words left to speak before he dies. The two previously teamed up for Norbit, making it apparent Robbins and Murphy are angels of a wrathful god punishing us for our sins. [Variety]
- Vin Diesel as the Terminator? Sure. Why the f*** not. [AICN]
- Rush Hour director Brett Ratner is taking over as director on the Escape from New York remake. Do you hear the words comin' out of my mouth? They're sorrowful. [IESB]
Jun 26 2007 Beverly Hills Cop 4 - No New Movies Ever!
Eddie Murphy visiting Spike Lee on the set of The Blackest Eskimo
Lorenzo Di Bonaventura reportedly wants to do another Beverly Hills Cop movie (since the last one was such a masturpiece), but the studios aren't sold on the idea of Eddie Murphy going back to R-rated stuff. Says Di Bonaventura:
I think it's going to be a really interesting debate and it's one we're going to have for a while. That's what I want [an R rating]. Will you guys call Paramount and tell them that? The studios says their research is telling them PG. I'm with you. I won't do it if it's PG-13.
One wonders if this "research" also decided Norbit was a good idea. "Well, our studies show that Eddie Murphy + fat suit = money. This idea can't fail." But regardless of how they feel, I have a solution. The studios don't want to jeopardize Eddie Murphy's family friendly status, but no one wants to see an emasculated Beverly Hills Cop. Fine. Solution? Charlie Murphy.
See that, morons? That's why you have to wear a suit to work and I don't even have to wear pants. Masturbating at our desks is the one thing we seem to agree on.
