Nov 23 2009 Van Damme and Lundgren Want to Remind You They Don't Give a Shit

For Jean-Claude Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren, the last couple years have probably been the best since their fall from ass-kicking relevance to straight-to-video sadness in the '90s. Last year, Van Damme starred in JCVD, a self-aware comedic drama that received high marks from critics and fans; this year, Lundgren has been working on the set of Sylvester Stallone's The Expendables, a high profile action film that unites the star with the likes of Stallone, Jet Li, Mickey Rourke, Jason Statham and other former/current action greats.

So, in case you were starting to get the wrong impression, that these two might be headed for greener jump-kicking pastures, they've decided to team up again and make another fucking Universal Solider movie. Just to make sure you know that they still don't give a shit. Whatever you'll pay them to do, straight-to-video producer.

I barely paid attention to this trailer, but I think the idea is the 1992 Mel Gibson film Forever Young with guns and an MMA fighter:

Continue Reading " Van Damme and Lundgren Want to Remind You They Don't Give a Shit "

Nov 9 2009 Always Remember the Parade of 1000 Rockys (Rockies?)

In need of a reason to dress up uniformly and walk around together now that Halloween zombie walks are over, citizens of Philadelphia gathered yesterday to put on yellow robes, run on steps, punch meat, and celebrate the Blu-ray release of Rocky: The Undisputed Collection. Also, Danny Bonaduce was there. (He played Rocky, right? OK, that makes perfect sense, then.)

There is video evidence:

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Jul 9 2009 'Heavy Petting': Another Great Dog Romance

I don't want to get in the habit of posting about two-year-old movies, but IWS reader Randy sent in the poster and DVD art for Heavy Petting--a 2007 romantic comedy starring Watchmen's Malin Akerman--and with my love for terrible, dogs-doing-human-things movies, they were too ridiculous to ignore.

I love that, after the first terrible poster, the only ideas for revisions were dropping the pun, making everyone orange, and blatantly replacing the dog's head with another dog head with a crazier tongue--"and make sure this dog is making uncomfortable eye contact with the audience as it paws at the woman's breasts!"

The Amazon summary is really good too:

When Charlie (Brendan Hines) meets Daphne (Malin Akerman), the girl of his dreams, he never expects he’ll have to battle past her pet dog "Babydoll" to win her heart. Just when it seems he can’t beat the beast, and all is lost, something unexpected happens. Charlie begins to fall in love with the dog himself, realizing he never really needed a girlfriend in the first place. Now, in order to keep hanging out with "man’s best friend," Charlie must scramble to keep his relationship with Daphne going at all costs, or risk losing them both.

He falls in love with the dog! I think I've just found the perfect double-feature complement for Marley & Me night (every Wednesday)!

Jul 2 2009 'Transmorphers: Fall of Man' Trailer: The Machines are Coming!

At long last, the talent that brought us The Terminators (plural) has unveiled the follow-up to one of the most accidentally-rented-by-confused-parents movies of all time: trailer for Transmorphers 2: Fall of Man!

As a warning, those already planning to purchase Transmorphers: Fall of Man may wish to avoid the trailer, as I think it kind of spoils what are probably the best scenes and lines. Going into the film already knowing that a satellite dish transmorphs into a narrow Terminator, and that something in the air gives a guy a suspicion that "the machines are coming," can only negatively affect my experience. Not to mention that the title already gives me a strong hunch that man may fall.

But if you decide to watch, note this innovation: this may be the first trailer with an arbitrary modem intermission.

Continue Reading " 'Transmorphers: Fall of Man' Trailer: The Machines are Coming! "

Jul 1 2009 'Santa Buddies' Trailer: Sports Enthusiast Dogs on the Hunt for Dog Santa!

Air Bud's speech-capable, eternally-youthful stereotype-based scions are back for another adventure, and this time they're straying even farther from the innate athleticism that made their family such a popular target for dognappers. This time they're on the search for Santa Paws! Yes, "Paws"! The Santa Claus that has paws! Because it's a dog!

I'm not really sure if this concept is more or less absurd than when the talking puppies went to space:

Continue Reading " 'Santa Buddies' Trailer: Sports Enthusiast Dogs on the Hunt for Dog Santa! "

Apr 20 2009 'The State' Finally Coming to DVD for Real

After years of senseless delays, MTV's much-revered cult sketch comedy show The State is finally coming to DVD, friends. TV Shows on DVD is reporting the set will include every episode, the pilot, unaired sketches, commentary, and more.

It's about time. I haven't seen the series in so long I can barely remember the necessary catchphrases to prove my State fanship. I would like to place my testicles upon it?

Apr 16 2009 Everyone Keeps Renting 'Crash'

In another upset win, the Chicago Tribune is reporting Crash, the 2005 Academy Award-winning film, is the most queued and received film in the NetFlix catalog:

[S]ince its DVD debut in September 2005, "Crash" has remained Netflix's No. 1 rented movie—much to the delight and confusion of its director, Paul Haggis.

"I just assumed it was some sort of anomaly," Haggis told the Tribune recently. "I have no idea why anyone went to the movie in the first place, let alone rent it. It was a little independent film, and when people started to see it, I was amazed."

But "Crash's" reign at Netflix is no anomaly, says spokesman Steve Swasey, just hard numbers. More customers have put the movie in their queues and received it, on a weekly basis, than any other film. ( Carol Stream is home to one of Netflix's distribution hubs.)

"It's been out so long, it adds to the demand for people wanting to see it," Swasey said.

Too bad there's no data for how many times a Netflix-received movie has spurred the reaction, "God, I guess I did queue this up at some point. Why did I think I wanted to see this? Because it won an Oscar? Put that back in the mailbox; I need that final disc of Six Feet Under." I bet Crash is ranking pretty high in that category too.

(via Cinematical)

Apr 14 2009 Michel Gondry Peddling New, Desirable Wares

Michel Gondry has a new DVD of music videos and crap he's done! Available only on his website, the collection promises three-hours of videos and behind-the-scenes documentation all unique to this release. If it's anything like his Director's Series release, this disc should be ideal for zoning out, watching for creative inspiration, playing in the background while talking with friends, and/or experiencing surreal entertainment in attention-deficit-sized 2-5 minute segments. A lot of the music videos can probably be found online with enough clicking on internet, but sometimes you just want to sit down and listen to a full album, not play DJ, you know? Metaphorically.

And while you're at the site, for an extra $20, you can also get a personalized portrait sketch from Gondry. I got one for buying his comic at MoCCA last year, and now I can say a genius director sees me as a weasel-faced monster. Recommended.

Mar 26 2009 More Digital Versatile Discs to Buy!: 'Mighty Boosh' Coming to US

The Mighty Boosh, the surreal UK comedy that always gets brought up in conversations about British television comedy being superior (you have these conversations, I hope), is coming to US DVD retailers! July 21st, everyone. That's when we get crazy. We'll start early, watch half the season, take a break and order some Yummy Taco, finish up the last few episodes over drinks. You'll love it.

The Mighty Boosh DVD news [TV Shows on DVD]

Mar 26 2009 'Bottle Rocket' Criterion DVD Comes with Useless Stuff I Need

The Criterion Collection's release of Bottle Rocket came out months ago and I still don't own it. Who do I think I am, a non-materialist content in owning lesser versions of things? I'm trying! But it's hard when I see someone has taken some photos of the DVD's insert: a recreation of Dignan's 75-year plan notebook from the film. That's so good that I need it sitting in a box on a shelf where I'll never touch it. Seriously. Plus, I hadn't realized that artist Ian Dingman, who did the new cover, also did a bunch of illustrated scenes for the menus.

I have no shame in admitting this little booklet makes want a film I already own far more than does the promise of a Terminator skull. So someone give me this. Thanks.

Mar 23 2009 Warner Gets in the DVD Burning Business

Following in the footsteps of my download-crazy friend in college, Warner Bros. has announced a new on-demand service where they will burn DVDs, complete with packaging, for you:

The studio's home entertainment division has come up with an innovative plan to allow custom ordering of 150 films never before released on DVD. Dubbed the Warner Archive Collection, an online vault of films including 1942's "Once Upon a Honeymoon," starring Cary Grant and Ginger Rogers, and 1947's "Possessed," with Clark Gable and Joan Crawford, can be tapped by consumers visiting WarnerArchive.com.

Upon the selection and purchase of a title -- at $19.95 per disc -- Warners will burn, package and ship the DVD to customers for receipt within an estimated five days. The studio plans to increase initial inventory in its virtual vault by 20 titles per month and make more than 300 film and TV titles available online by year's end.

Why not just make them available for downloading or streaming? In this video-on-demand age, this is printing out emails for grandma. But I guess, seeing that grandmas are probably one of the biggest audiences for 1942's Once Upon a Honeymoon, that makes some sense. Just make sure grandma can somehow order these DVDs during her weekly Walmart trip.

Warner Bros. customizing DVD purchases [THR]

Mar 23 2009 Good News from the Frankenhood

Their most valuable player is rest in peace! Coming soon to DVD, Blaxwell Smart's directorial debut, Frankenhood:

Motown (DeRay Davis) and Darius (Jasper Redd) work in a morgue, trading put-downs and toiling among the most undemanding of customers. But outside of their decidedly dreary jobs, the two dream of bigger and better things. If only they could win the $25,000 prize that will go to the winners of the upcoming 3-on-3 Streetball Tournament. One night, having been demoted to graveyard shift, they run into their semi-sane colleague Franklin (Charlie Murphy) in a dark alley outside the morgue. They find Franklin using the auto battery of Motown's precious Gremlin to bring to life a monstrous dead man (Bob Sapp) whose heart Franklin has just replaced. That 3-on-3 basketball tournament isn't looking so bad...if they can just get their new mutant friend to play basketball!

If they can just get their new mutant friend to play basketball! Argh! That's always the rub, isn't it? So many Frankenstein Monsters, so few Frankenstein Monsters able to learn complicated rule systems and manipulate their lumbering bodies in such a way to as to become effective 3-on-3 basketball players.

Maybe I'm looking for too much accuracy from a movie called Frankenhood, but don't Frankensteins traditionally have the bolts in the neck, not the temples? That will probably be my one issue with the film when I rent it on May 5th.

Mar 10 2009 Good Night, Circuit City

Gizmodo (via DIGG, via a mustached man on the median) is reporting that, as of today, the media and electronic outlet known as Circuit City is officially out of business. And now no one knows where to buy DVDs. Anyone know where to buy DVDs?

Feb 19 2009 Who Watches the 'Watchmen' 3 1/2 Hour DVD?

Let's fast forward a couple weeks. You're walking out a showing of Watchmen, thankful the movie met at least some of your expectations, and even more thankful to be free of the packed theater's body odor haze. You're thinking, "I'm the kind of guy or girl who buys movies on discs for home enjoyment. How many versions of this am I going to have to buy?" So let me tell you: Zack and Debbie Snyder told Collider the first release, which will likely contain the theatrical version and a 3:10 director's cut, will come out around Comic Con (late July, for non-nerds). Later in the fall, we'll get the Ultimate Edition--a three-hour twenty-five minute cut that includes the Tales of the Black Freighter story. Still no mention of a bulky, trinket-filled version that won't fit in your DVD shelf or a bare-bones, full-screen version for parents to buy for Christmas even though you specifically asked for the ephemera-filled box set.

(Thanks, Rick.)

Feb 13 2009 'Tales of the Black Freighter' Trailer: Check Out This Shark!

When Watchmen comes to theaters on March 6, don't be surprised if you miss part of the story--and not just because you're watching it through the crude nylon mask of your Rorschach costume Tales of the Black Freighter, the castaway comic that runs parallel to the main story, was cut from the film, but will be released as an animated DVD on March 24. The newly-released trailer makes it look like it was meant to be part of MTV's Liquid Television, so unless things have changed since 1992, my mom probably won't want me watching it:

Continue Reading " 'Tales of the Black Freighter' Trailer: Check Out This Shark! "

Feb 11 2009 Thanks for Buying This DVD--Here's Weed

Marijuana is still illegal most places--sorry to pull the plug on that laser light show--but here's what Revolver Entertainment is prepared to do if you buy The Wackness on DVD and get the winning case: you get weed! Or a weed I.O.U., more specifically:

Revolver Entertainment is putting a Willy Wonka-style golden ticket in one of the first 1,000 copies of The Wackness, out this week on DVD.

The finder of the golden ticket wins a weekend for two in Amsterdam where they will collect a gram of high-grade skunk, courtesy of Revolver.

(Thanks, Pat.)

Upon hearing the news of the Willy Wonka-style golden weed ticket, potheads across Britain lazily nodded their heads and made vows with the guy beside them to "totally buy that shit, man," then were reminded how "fucked up Willy Wonka is," spent several hours discussing the validity of Wonka's magic candies, tried to remember the lyrics to the Oompa Loompa songs, and forgot how they started talking about this in the first place.

Pot luck for film fans [Ananova]

Feb 4 2009 'S. Darko' Teaser: Remember How There Was a Girl in That 'Donnie Darko' Movie?

For those worried about the quality of S. Darko, the straight-to-video Donnie Darko sequel that's been carelessly assembled without the participation of writer/director Richard Kelly, this awful teaser should do nothing to alleviate your concerns. Instead of giving any hint of exactly how they'll pointlessly continue the story (more things crashing through roofs?), the trailer functions only as a refresher course for those whose sole question was, "Wait, who the eff was S. Darko?" Those who watch this will be able to confidently say, "Oh, right, that's his dancing sister. And man, that rabbit dude was so fucked up, bro."

Continue Reading " 'S. Darko' Teaser: Remember How There Was a Girl in That 'Donnie Darko' Movie? "

Feb 3 2009 Images of Tales of the Black Freighter

Director Zack Snyder was forced to cut Tales of the Black Freighter, the castaway comic within the Watchmen, from his adaptation of the comic--but it will not go unrealized! An animated DVD of the tale(s) goes on sale March 24, and JoBlo has some screenshots from it. I can already tell animation won't do the story the same justice as seeing extras strapped under a raft pretending to be bloated corpses, but I guess it will have to do.

Jan 6 2009 Dwarfs Playing Basketball... with Dennis Rodman

It looks like this already was released, so I guess I missed the boat on this one, but whatever. When I saw the plot description for this movie, I knew it had to be shared: "Dwarfs playing basketball... with Dennis Rodman." And understand, it's not Dennis Rodman playing a role; it's just dwarfs playing with Dennis Rodman, who is playing Dennis Rodman the basketball player.

So here's that:

Continue Reading " Dwarfs Playing Basketball... with Dennis Rodman "

Dec 17 2008 'Dark Knight' Sets Home Video Records

God, people really love that Batman character. Warner Bros. is projecting that, only a week after the home video release of the film, The Dark Knight has become the the top-selling DVD of the year and the best-selling Blu-ray thing EVER. Says Variety:

According to Warners, "The Dark Knight" sold more than 1.7 million Blu-ray discs worldwide its first week. Although comparisons are tricky given the elusiveness of worldwide sales data, "The Dark Knight" is now considered the undisputed Blu-ray champ, given the strong bow.

The studio also projects that "The Dark Knight" will become the bestselling 2008 title overall this week. Consumers have bought more than 10 million copies of the pic, with the remainder of purchases by rental outlets.

And in one more home video record, my parents have told me they are "real excited" about taping this off cable, with anticipation reaching near-Shrek 2 levels.