Aug 26 2009 How Would That Be a Movie? It Has No Plot: 'Soul Train'

Today's How Would That Be a Movie? It Has No Plot hails from the world of television, and joins such game-based projects as Monopoly: The Movie and Asteroids: The Movie. Variety is reporting that Soul Train, the song and dance variety show that ran from '71 to '06, is being adapted into a feature film.

Dead Presidents writer Malcolm Spellman, the film's screenwriter, says his script is set in the '80s, and focuses on "a serious popper, with street edge [who] wants to get on that tour, with the hottest of the hot." So I guess it's more about getting on the show than the show itself. Apparently some people think the "Dance Mania" episode of The Cosby Show, when Theo tried to appear on the Soul Train-esque show but only his best friend Cockroach managed to get in, didn't cover that subject well enough.

Nov 14 2008 'Dance Flick' Trailer Contains This Ungodly Image:

Alright, Wayans, I'll give you this much: you've beaten the parody team of Friedberg and Seltzer. Your decision to include a few jokes, rather than just wadding together a series of references held together only by the glue of random violence, paid off. Congratulations. Unfortunately, the "jokes" include a breakdancing baby, a man spinning on his head so fast that he drills through the floor, and domestic abuse. Calling those jokes is like calling crying "laughing" because it involves noisy convulsing. Really stretching the definition, guys.

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Nov 10 2008 'Dance Flick' Poster: Wayans Bros. Answer to 'Disaster Movie'

From MTV Movies Blog, here's a grim portent of our bleak, parody-filled future. At least we can find some solace that, unlike some other parody movie posters, at least this one mostly sticks to the movie genre it's supposedly spoofing--even if one of those "dance movies" is a decade-old internet video of a 3D dancing baby. Nothing is off limits for these guys, no matter how irrelevant. I hear Thomas Edison's 1894 film of Native Americans performing a Buffalo Dance is recreated with Amy Winehouse impersonators to great comic effect.

Nov 7 2008 'Step Up 3D' Poster Thing Goes International, Three-Dimensional

When you've already stepped up 2 (to) the street--which many consider the definitive endpoint for stepping up--how do you take it to that next level, really blow some minds? How about having these two (their faces have been obscured to protect the identities of all those involved in Step Up 3D) step it up to the EIFFEL EFFING TOWER! The Step Up series crosses so many international boundaries. We can drop the UN and just keep making these dancing movies.

Next stop: Step Up 4 the Moon. Dancing in low gravity is the freshest.

Step Up 3D Art [Coming Soon]

Apr 8 2008 'Emma' to Step Up 2 a New Adaptation

Watch this music video for Lil Mama's "Lipgloss" and what's the first thing you see? A strange tale of a topical psychoactive lip drug? The question of "what you know about [Lil Mama]" drawn out over four minutes of clapping and stomping? Someone rhyming "crushes" with "crushes"? That's why you aren't a powerful movie producer. If you were Screen Gems' Clint Culpepper, you'd see "Lipgloss" for what it really is: inspiration for a hip-hop reimagining of Jane Austen's Emma to be renamed Emme. Because that's apparently more "urban".

According to Variety, the film will center around a stepbrother and stepsister and feature no less than 15 song and (presumably competitive) dance numbers. And since it's a Screen Gems picture, you know you can expect the same standards of quality you saw in Stomp the Yard and You Got Served (i.e., being forgotten among all the other hip-hop competitive dance films).

Screen Gems set to remix 'Emma' [Variety]

Feb 27 2008 'Step Up 3-D' Denotes Third Stepping Event, Third Dimension

A couple days ago, writing up the weekend box office report, I made a pretty weak joke that the success of Step Up 2 the Streets would spawn a third film in the series: Step Up 2 the Streets 2: The Str33ts. Reality has trumped me again:

Disney will proceed with a third installment of its hit dance franchise "Step Up," tentatively titled "Step Up 3-D."

Pic will become the latest 3-D live-action film from the Mouse House, with "Step Up 2 the Streets" director Jon Chu in talks to reprise.

Even if it's tentative, I'm pretty resentful they managed to come up with a stupider title than me. Mine is more absurd, but Step Up 3-D definitely wins in sheer, laughable triteness. I thought Step Up 2 the Street was stupid, but calling the third film in the saga "3-D" takes the cake. It's equivalent of adding an "-er" suffix to a title's adverb (Step Upper?), and just slightly less ridiculous than when someone says "[Whatever] 2: Electric Boogaloo". So I really hope they keep the title.

Disney planning 'Step Up 3-D' [Variety]

Jan 9 2008 AM Poster Post: 'How She Move'? Oh, This Way

After yesterday's knock-out poster, I could tell everyone was clamoring for more competitive dance in poster form. So here's Step Up 2 the Streets' counterpart, How She Move. To differentiate it from its competition, it seems they're choosing to market this one in a very different way: to people in 1992.

Jan 8 2008 AM Poster Post: 'Step Up 2 the Streets' Poster Discoveries

New, fascinating discoveries from the Step Up 2 the Streets poster:

- It's apparently called Step Up 2 the Streets. (I stupidly thought it was just called Step Up 2.) Now it's less like a pointless sequel, more like a pointless text message.

- How She Move is still a different movie, but barely.

- Step Up 2 the Streets takes place in a rain-drenched dance nebula.

- This is probably what it would look like if Blue Man Group directed a Doritos commercial.

- The most intense dance competition will likely involve you, your evil dance doppelgänger, and a parody of a Jaime Kennedy parody.

- One of the most popular dances competitions is Limbo vs. Creepy Groping.

- It's not where you're from.

- It's where you're at.

Step Up 2 the Streets Poste [IMPA]

Nov 30 2007 'How She Move' Trailer Inspires Another Generation of Backup Dancers

I haven't really been following Marie Osmond fulfilling her lifelong dream of becoming a giant, plastic-surgeoned porcelain doll on Dancing with the Stars, and I admit my time on "the streets" is too limited to accurately assess if disputes are so frequently settled by elaborately choreographed dances, but if the recent crop of dance movies is any gauge, competitive dancing is the most amazing thing to watch, ever.

If you think Stomp the Yard, You Got Served, and Step Up completely milked the dancing teat of all its tank-topped bounty, think again. Not only do you have Step Up 2 to look forward to, continuing the rich story of Step Up 1, now there's a trailer for MTV's latest attempt at inspiring a new generation of backup dancers, How She Move.

Along with the usual Dangerous Minds-meets-a-music-video elements you're used to from the genre, How She Move distinguishes itself by adding the high-stakes "Step Monster" competition, a confusing hybrid of So You Think You Can Dance? and the bonus level in Street Fighter where you destroy the car.

If that isn't enough, it will surely overwhelm you with the sheer number of times they reference "stepping." Thanks for the tip, Kyle.

How She Move Trailer [Hollywood.com]

Oct 22 2007 'Step Up 2' Trailer Explores Further Step Ups

Want to waste a few minutes of time? Come on, you're already here, right? So watch the above trailer to Step Up 2, then decide what element is most absurd. Your choices are:

1. That Step Up was so popular, or at least left so many unanswered questions about the nature of stepping up, that a sequel was not only imagined but, in fact, made.

2. That the original Step Up wasn't itself already a sequel to You Got Served.

3. That competitive dancing in general is popular enough to warrant filming outside of music videos that end in knife fights.

4. That the above image mocking the disabled is considered a dance.

5. The line, "You realize, with those competitions, you are risking everything," which implies that the losers of street dance competitions are apparently murdered.

6. The rest of the lines. Seriously, I didn't think this eye-rolling blend of flirting and "humor" could be accomplished outside of a Star Wars film.

7. Write in your own!

Trailer under the cut.

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