Oct 14 2009 'Dear John' Poster: Where Is Judd Hirsch?
Possible inspirations for this poster:
- Herpes medication commercial imagery
- '70s teen romance novel covers
- The ancient myth of the Two-Headed Asshole From High School
- A Getty Image search for "romance"
- True (clichéd) love
- Whatever would be most likely to get your fucking boring girlfriend excited
'Dear John' Poster [IMPA]
Jun 17 2009 Extended 'G.I. Joe' TV Spot: Will There Be Slow, Deliberate Clapping Too?
Just in case you were wondering if the G.I. Joe movie would work in the "Real American Hero" slogan in a really sarcastic way...
Yes! It does!
(via ComingSoon).
May 27 2009 'G.I. Joe' Poster: What Exactly Happened to Sienna Miller's Face?
That is not Sienna Miller's face. That's a hybrid of Maggie Gyllenhaal, Joan Rivers, and a 7th grader's carefully-shaded pencil drawing of a woman with an afterthought of sunglasses. It's not Sienna Miller and it might not be human.
At least Channing Tatum captured the proper listless melancholy of being in an elite military team. Driving awesome vehicles with ridiculously powerful weapons may be cool, but there's also a sadness that comes with it. There's a reason the Duke action figure comes with a rocket launcher and a poetry notebook.
G.I. Joe International Poster [Empire]
Apr 30 2009 New 'G.I. Joe' Trailer: Many Things Wrong Here
G.I. Joe cartoons were, primarily, extended advertisements for toys. As a kid, you see this guy with a metal face riding in an awesome missile launcher, you want to play with those things, and you beg your parents until they buy them, and then you watch more of the cartoon so that you understand who should be firing what at who. Everyone but parents win. And I think that's a fine system. If the new G.I. Joe movie was a big commercial for new toys, I'd be alright with that.
But it's not. It's more like an infomercial for crappy, black Iron Man suits that let you dodge things Matrix style:
Continue Reading " New 'G.I. Joe' Trailer: Many Things Wrong Here "
Mar 2 2009 Dreams of Being Totally Ripped Have Never Looked More Somber
Here's the poster for Fighting (both the movie Fighting and the concept of fighting)! If you're confused why the image isn't really that evocative of fighting, understand that the film was originally titled Pull-Ups.
'Fighting' Poster Premiere [Cinematical]
Jan 27 2009 'G.I. Joe' Posters Using Classic Leather/Sparks/Debris Combo
Paramount has released five new posters for the G.I. Joe movie. Their concept: poorly-framed characters on the set of a car commercial, and things are blowing up. Enjoy:
Continue Reading " 'G.I. Joe' Posters Using Classic Leather/Sparks/Debris Combo "
Jan 8 2009 Trailer for Non-Video Game-Based 'Street Fighter'
Guess what, Street Fighter--you aren't the only street fighting movie that outwardly states its premise in the title. There's also Fighting, starring Channing Tatum as a rising street fighter and Terrence Howard as an underground Don King with the hair of Shia LaBeouf, and here's the trailer:
Continue Reading " Trailer for Non-Video Game-Based 'Street Fighter' "
Jun 23 2008 'G.I. Joe' Has a Subtitle, Cretinous Billboard
A billboard showing off G.I. Joe's new subtitle, Rise of the Cobra, has turned up at Cinema EXPO in Amsterdam (Woo! Amsterdam! Party!). If there was any lingering doubt that this is going to be the action figure-based movie equivalent of Schindler's List, allow me to direct your eyes to the poignant use of a single red element in the otherwise black & white image. Plus/minus gun knob is clearly the next girl in the red coat.
Poster: G.I. Joe - Rise of Cobra [Film 1]
Apr 18 2008 Remaining 'G.I. Joe' Character Shots Revealed
IMAGE REMOVED AT REQUEST OF Paramount Picture Corporation Properties
In a flood of black spandex and patent leather, the remaining character shots from G.I. Joe have arrived at WWTD. The series of awkwardly-posed shots give us a first look at the costumes for Duke (spandex with some panels strapped to it, faint goatee), Roadblock (same), Cover Girl (Halloween USA's Sexy Militant costume), Storm Shadow (an '80s coke dealer's couch as a biker jacket), Baroness (a formfitting tacky purse), and Hawk (leather jacket drenched in self-loathing). Looking at them did nothing to inject any confidence in the project, but it was pretty worthwhile to see supermodel Karolina Korkova and Dennis Quaid compete for Best Come-Hither Over-the-Shoulder glance.
Feb 22 2008 'G.I. Joe' Set Shots! Baroness is Blonde?! Duke is Primitive?!
From the set of G.I. Joe, JFX managed to sneak some first looks at Channing Tatum and Sienna Miller in-costume as Duke and Baroness. Someone will have to remind me: has Duke always been so flagrantly vain despite having the cretinous look of a proto-human? And was Baroness ever blonde?
Begin the complaining. (Note: the Baroness photo under the cut may have "spoiler" qualities.)
Continue Reading " 'G.I. Joe' Set Shots! Baroness is Blonde?! Duke is Primitive?! "
Jan 29 2008 Quaid Sacrificing Career to Join 'G.I. Joe'
I still predict the big screen adaptation of G.I. Joe to go down as a mess of distorted nostalgia and military propaganda told through crummy dialogue and computer effects, but that doesn't mean the casting is all that bad. Dennis Quaid has just been announced as General Hawk, the wise, battle-hardened leader of the team--a look that Quaid naturally embodies in his wizened yet dignified face. He's a great choice. I'll just feel bad for the recently-cast Channing Tatum when he inevitably falls in love with Quaid's daughter and briefly takes control of the Joe team, only to eventually realize that the older leadership of Quaid has valuable experience that his young, hotshot tactics can't compete with, leaving Tatum alone to contemplate his existence over some Peter Gabriel.
Quaid, Tatum enlist in Par's 'G.I. Joe' [Variety]
Jan 28 2008 Channing Tatum Continuing Buzzcut Streak in 'G.I. Joe'
From AICN comes news that Channing Tatum is the latest to join the what-does-it-matter cast of G.I. Joe. He will reportedly be taking on the role of second-in-command, Duke, or, for those of you unfamiliar with the canon, the guy who you thought was named G.I. Joe. I speculate the young actor will take any role that allows him to wear a wifebeater and a buzzcut, a theory supported by his next role, the lead in Guy I Hated in High School.
Oct 18 2007 'Stop-Loss' Trailer Causes Personal Re-Evaluation
Without getting too political, it's sad that the most fitting representation of the current war in Iraq isn't a tale of heroism in a daring mission, or sacrifice for a final victory, but of a soldier desperately not wanting to keep fighting.
That's one of the many things that made me feel terrible while watching this trailer for Stop-Loss, which stars Ryan Phillippe as a young man refusing orders to return to Iraq. It was also a depressing realization that I don't think I could ever fully empathize with these characters because I hated the versions of them I encountered in high school. Among the many losses we've faced in this war, perhaps none is so confusing as the transformation of your high school bully into a revered national hero. At least to me, a self-centered bastard.
Trailer under the cut.
Continue Reading " 'Stop-Loss' Trailer Causes Personal Re-Evaluation "
