Nov 4 2009 Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin Hosting the Oscars
The Academy hasn't been having an easy time giving away the Oscars Ceremony hosting duties. Ignoring Billy Crystal's face desperately, expectantly pushed against their window, they pulled the blinds and asked Hugh Jackman to return to do more singing and dancing. He said no. The Academy tried Ben Stiller and Robert Downey, Jr. But, alas, they said, "What, because we were in a movie together a year-and-a-half ago? No. It's not like we're known as some kind of comedy team." (At this point, through the glass, came a muffled, "Me and Whoopi and Robin are sort of a team, though! If you remember Comic Relief!")
With the Academy on the verge of breakdown and ready to just call the whole thing off and publicly admit that the Oscars are pointless and terrible regardless of who hosts: a breakthrough. One of the Academy members suddenly noticed the [list of most frequent SNL hosts/poster for the Meryl Streep comedy It's Complicated] on the table. And it was settled:
There will be two hosts for the 82nd annual Academy Awards -- Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin -- the first time the show has had multiple hosts since the 1987 ceremonies.Almost immediately after Tuesday's announcement, insiders began speculating that Tina Fey -- who presented with Martin at the most recent Oscarcast and co-stars with Baldwin on "30 Rock" -- will join the team as one of its key writers. The show will air live March 7 on ABC.
Maybe they can trade off every couple hours. Or whenever our eardrums get numb to the sound of banjo.
Oct 26 2009 Golden Globes Sounding Marginally Better: Ricky Gervais Hosting 67th Ceremony
Good news for those of us with jobs that require us to toil through dreary awards shows to be aware of who/what our best movie/television people/things are. This year's Golden Globes, which, since 1995, have eschewed a host in favor of dividing blame amongst various presenters, are going to be hosted by British funny person Ricky Gervais:
Multi-talented Golden Globe and Emmy Award winner Ricky Gervais ("The Invention of Lying," "The Office") will host "The 67th Annual Golden Globe Awards" on Sunday, January 17, 2010 on NBC. This year's show will be broadcast live coast-to-coast from 5-8 p.m. (PT) and 8-11 p.m. (ET) from the Beverly Hilton Hotel in Beverly Hills. This marks the first time the telecast has had a host since 1995.The Hollywood Foreign Press Association, dick clark productions and NBC made the announcement today.
"Not only is this the biggest Hollywood celebration of the industry which includes both film and TV, but also an environment where I feel I can get free reign as a host. I have resisted many other offers like this, but there are just some things you don't turn down," said Gervais.
Expect a show full of intentional arrogance, genuine laughter, and, if we're lucky, Karl Pilkington forced to make a fool of himself.
Below the cut, a visual reminder of how Ricky made the 2008 Emmy Awards more palatable.
Continue Reading " Golden Globes Sounding Marginally Better: Ricky Gervais Hosting 67th Ceremony "
Sep 1 2009 Let's Change How Academy Award Voting Works
The Academy of Motion Picture Whatever has decided on a new, fairer Best Picture voting method that will ensure the wrong film wins in a more complicated manner this year:
The new system will require voters to rank each of the 10 nominees on a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being best.The process calls for PricewaterhouseCoopers to first determine if one nominee has more than 50% of the first-place votes, which would make that film the winner. If no film has achieved that threshold, films will be eliminated progressively, based on which is ranked first on the fewest number of ballots.
When a film is eliminated, the pic ranked second on those ballots will be accorded a first-place vote. Films will be eliminated until a single movie has a majority of the first-place votes and becomes the best picture winner.
With this and the change to extend the Best Picture nominees to ten, I have to admit the Academy is working really hard to make sure I'll at least be confused when I'm angry about who wins.
Best Picture voting gets a makeover [Variety]
Jul 16 2009 Emmy Nominations: These Are Most Likely Our Best Television Things
Alright, Academy of Television Arts and Sciences fans, your day has come: the 2009 Primetime Emmy Award nominations! As usual, expect a mix of the expected (30 Rock and Mad Men have a lot), the aggravating (Family Guy for Best Comedy Series? God) and the that's-[still]-a-show? (Old Christine is apparently still having enough New Adventures to share with us each week on CBS).
Full list here; abbreviating list with 100% fewer hair, makeup, and technical awards here:
Continue Reading " Emmy Nominations: These Are Most Likely Our Best Television Things "
Jun 29 2009 Academy Now Allowed to Deem Every Song Bullshit
In a move that, if done earlier, could have cost Randy Newman hundreds of Oscar nominations*, the Academy Awards have announced another drastic change in their nomination process (see first change here, web-slingers -- ed.) that could eliminate the Best Song category if no songs worthy of being deemed "best" are found. Basically, the Academy can now call every original song bullshit:
The music branch annually conducts a "bake-off" in which voters see clips of eligible songs as they are used in each film. The voters then rate a song on a scale of 6 to 10. Under the new ruling, if no song earns 8.25, there will be no nominations. If at least one hits that magic number, it will be nominated, as will the second-highest scorer.
Additionally, they've moved to present the boring, isn't-this-person-great awards--"the Thalberg nod to filmmakers, the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award and the honorary Oscars for career excellence"--at an exclusive gala rather than during the ceremony. Sounds to me like someone's clearing out some room for the hour-long memorial reel we're going to need if celebrity deaths continue at the current rate. And maybe we can extend the time we spend meeting the accountants holding the briefcases full of sealed awards? One can only dream.
*His early work is genuinely great, though.
Two more Oscar tweaks [Variety]
Jun 24 2009 This Will Mess Up Our Academy Awards Gambling
Cameron Diaz will have to trudge through twice as many film titles next year! Finally catching up to the trend of critics making top ten lists, the Academy Awards will begin nominating ten films for Best Picture beginning with the 82nd Oscars next year, leaving Hollywood the burdensome task of creating nearly a dozen watchable movies before year's end.
I can only assume that, given another few decades, the Academy Awards will finally catch up to internet list trends and add nominations for "Ten Most Ridiculously Hot Aliens to Get Laid in a Sci-Fi Movie."
Oscar expands best pic noms to 10 [Variety]
May 13 2009 I Really Want to See More Bill Hader as a Vampire Hunter
The 2009 MTV Movie Awards are nearly upon on, and you know what that means: the Best Kiss of 2008 will be named! At last, sweet resolution for my Kiss Notebook. Also, if you can tolerate host Andy Samberg, it means some fairly entertaining promotional comedy sketches. Here are the current batch, featuring Samberg, Anne Hathaway, Will Arnett, Bill Hader, Michael Cera, and Jack Black (thanks, Lindsay):
Continue Reading " I Really Want to See More Bill Hader as a Vampire Hunter "
Feb 20 2009 Live Oscar Blogging Sunday, Let's Say 8-ish!
Make the Oscars marginally more interesting this year: come here for live blogging! On Sunday (8 ET, 5 PT), I'll be posting up-to-the-minute coverage of the out-of-touch event, giving you the best in largely uninformed but modesty entertaining commentary. Remember how much fun we had last year? (Note: last year's makes nearly no sense now, out of context.) It will be about the same fun this year. Drag the computer desk in front of the television and join me for a night of constantly hitting the refresh button, OK?
Jan 12 2009 Golden Globes: Who Won Our Most Valuable Globes?
How about those Golden Globes, eh? Awards, movie makers, people wearing special clothes--what more could you want, besides maybe something that isn't completely masturbatory?
In case you had a hard time making out some of the winners through your non-stop laughter and tears, here's the re-cap (winners marked in bold):
BEST MOVIE - DRAMA (I.E. BEST WHAT WE CONSIDER A REAL MOVIE)
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Frost/Nixon
The Reader
Revolutionary Road
Slumdog Millionaire
I think Pariah or No Deal was robbed, but still, not a bad selection.
Continue Reading " Golden Globes: Who Won Our Most Valuable Globes? "
Dec 29 2008 Golden Globes Show Has a Classy New Look This Year
The Golden Globes will play second fiddle to the Oscars no longer. This year, they're classing up the party with this elegant, airbrushed-on-the-side-of-a-van-style poster. Nice work Hollywood Foreign Press Association and Famous Frames, Inc.
How about this for next year?
The Official Poster for the Golden Globes [Coming Soon]
Dec 11 2008 Golden Globe Nominations - Who Will Win Our Most Valuable Globes?
The Golden Globes nominations have been announced, and it's time to figure out if your movie tastes are valid or not. And the nominees are are...
BEST MOVIE - DRAMA (I.E. BEST WHAT WE CONSIDER A REAL MOVIE)
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Frost/Nixon
The Reader
Revolutionary Road
Slumdog Millionaire
Continue Reading " Golden Globe Nominations - Who Will Win Our Most Valuable Globes? "
Jun 2 2008 Important: MTV Movie Awards Winners
Last night, the stars gathered in L.A. to celebrate such cinematic achievements as Will Smith fighting vampires and a couple guys fighting in Never Back Down, a movie that existed at such a high frequency that those over 18 never heard of it. It was the MTV Movie Awards, still the best and only forecast of which way the Oscars will sway in crucial categories like Best Kiss and Best Summer Movie So Far. So pay careful attention to the winners, which are unquestionably and eternally relevant:
Best Female Performance: Ellen Page - Juno
Best Fight: Sean Faris vs. Cam Gigandet - Never Back Down
Best Summer Movie So Far: Iron Man
Best Male Performance: Will Smith - I Am Legend
Best Comedic Performance: Johnny Depp - Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
Breakthrough Performance: Zac Efron - Hairspray
Best Villain: Johnny Depp - Sweeney Todd
Best Kiss: Briana Evigan & Robert Hoffman - Step Up 2 the Streets
Best Movie: Transformers
If you missed/intently-avoided the spectacle, you should at least watch the Tropic Thunder viral video sketch that aired--a series of testicle blows that rivals America's Funniest Home Videos's fifth and zaniest season.
May 6 2008 MTV Movie Awards Nominees Announced, Extremely Relevant
Any awards show brave and thoughtful enough to nominate National Treasure: Book of Secrets as the best picture of the year deserves our special attention. So clearly the MTV Movie Award nominations warrant your perusal. As executive producer Mark Burnett, and anyone with half a brain says, "I consider the MTV Movie Awards to be the most relevant movie award show in America today." No doubt! To reiterate, he's referring to the same awards that imply that there may have been no better movie made in 2007 than the second National Treasure, and that Jessica Biel may have churned out the best performance of any other actress when she let Adam Sandler touch her breasts since she thought he was gay.
Anyway, here they are:
Continue Reading " MTV Movie Awards Nominees Announced, Extremely Relevant "
Jan 22 2008 It's Oscar Nomination Time!
Like Grandma's birthday, some 80-year-old traditions seemingly must continue despite that absolutely no one is deriving any enjoyment anymore. Thus, the Academy Awards nominations have been released, for whatever joyless ceremony/reading by Access Hollywood staff they're planning. And the nominations are...
(Warning: Norbit is nominated. Seriously.)
Jan 14 2008 Golden Globes Winners ('Atonement') and Losers ('Society')
Despite completely forgetting about the event taking place last night, replacing that information with anything even slightly relevant, I managed to catch most of the Golden Globes last night on NBC. Due to the writer's strike, I knew the ceremony was cancelled, to be replaced by a more discreet reading of the winners, but I had no idea exactly how pathetic it would be. Two of earth's biggest tools--their names I can't recall, but I think they're from Access Hollywood--gave some of the most obnoxious commentary I've ever heard. How many times were these turds going to say "boutique movie"? Did they just make that up? Where is Mario Lopez, or guy from Sugar Ray? If you're going to get a complete idiot from an entertainment gossip show, they're surely better options. There is something seriously wrong when the question "Couldn't they at least get Ryan Seacrest to do this?" crosses your mind, and last night may be the first and last time in recorded history that it happens.
And how about those winners? Can you believe a sweeping period romance would be awarded in some huge way?
Still, all said and done, the fact that there were no self-indulgant musical numbers or "remembrances", and that it ran under five hours, made this the best awards show in recent memory.
Winners under the cut.
Continue Reading " Golden Globes Winners ('Atonement') and Losers ('Society') "
Jan 9 2008 Free Screenplays to 'No Country', 'Juno', and More
Want to see how much The Darjeeling Limited deviated from the original screenplay? Feel the need to accurately recreate scenes from Juno on YouTube? Want to know how the Coen Brothers spell your favorite new informal address, "friendo"? (That's how.) Right now, you can download the screenplays to these and other Best Screenplay hopefuls on the Miramax and Fox Searchlight websites, just begging for someone to remake The Savages with dubbed-over cats.
Jan 8 2008 Golden Globes Ceremony, Parties, Wedding Cancelled
The Writers Guild strike has meant a lot of scripted shows we love (The Office), hate (anything involving the hour-long investigation of a crime scene), or don't care about (Psych? Do people watch Psych? Who?) have been taken off the air. But the more dire consequence has been that the content void has filled with a horrible glut of reality TV and starkly-lit game shows. It's taught us an important lesson about television writing: writers are desperately needed, not to entertain us, but to stop televised karaoke tournaments from entertaining us.
But wouldn't it all be worth it if three days a week of deals and non-deals meant that the most heinous of all pseudo-realities--an awards show--could be stopped? I believe so.
And thus, it has been done. Last night, the Hollywood Foreign Press announced that the typical five-hour spectacle of back slapping, stilted conversation, musical numbers, and applause-filled obituaries will be replaced by an hour-long news conference. No celebrities. No after-parties. No Bruce Vilanch-fueled comedy. It's amazing.
Even without a contract, this must be an even bigger victory than the WGA could have hoped for. Or at least it is for my Grandma, who just can't stay up until 12:30 for the news.
Globes ceremony, parties cancelled [Variety]
Dec 13 2007 Golden Globe Nominations Released!
Nothing but the holiday visit to Grandma's can bring out the same mix of apathy and disappointment that comes from the annual Golden Globe Nominations. Once again, this year is the usual smattering of things you knew would be nominated, things that shouldn't be nominated, and the absence of things that you wish were. Treat yourself to the glittering, spherical ennui, under the cut.
Nov 28 2007 AM Poster Post: 'Walk Hard' For Your Consideration, Again
The Walk Hard Oscar campaign has made a smooth transition from the first Variety ad, a middle finger in the face laced with dick jokes, to this new one, the belligerent shouting of a crazed braggart. It seems the series is following the theme of a night out drinking with me. Keeping with this pattern, the next ad should either be inappropriate amorousness or something about being passed out and naked in a Shell station toilet.
For Your Consideration [Defamer]
Sep 17 2007 Some Win at Emmys, Others Lose
Last night's Emmy Awards proved themselves as boring and meaningless as ever, with host Ryan Seacrest winning the night by somehow maintaining steady employment despite no apparent talents. Other winners were The Sopranos, surprising no one with a Best Drama Series win for its final season, 30 Rock for Best Comedy Series and Best Baldwin Brother, and The Amazing Race, winning its fifth consecutive Outstanding Reality / Competition Program award, retaining its place as the only winner of the award. Though it should be noted that the award was only created after the cancellation of Family Double Dare.
See the rest of the winners here.
