Sep 22 2009 'Valentine's Day' Trailer: Another VoltRom-Com Fuses Several Romantic Comedies Into One Powerful Monster
Can you believe that, come Valentine's Day, it will have been almost exactly one year since we last saw roughly a dozen celebrities of various caliber crammed into a single romantic comedy in which every other piece of dialogue has to reiterate the title? (See He's Just Not That Into You, web-slingers.) Thankfully, that will be the exact day that a new VoltRom-Com takes the throne, appropriately titled Valentines Day. This one manages to cram in two Roberts (Julia, Emma), two Grey's Anatomi, Bradley Cooper, Jamie Foxx, Jennifer Garner, Topher Grace, Anne Hathaway, Ashton Kutcher, George Lopez, Shirley MacLaine, Queen Latifah, and the two celebrities most noted for being "so fucking hot" before the arrival of Megan Fox (Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel).
The trailer feels like watching an Oscars montage reel for The Year in Romantic Comedy. Or, maybe more accurately, like simultaneously hearing the scream of every single ugly friend that ever had to listen to their extremely attractive friend complain about relationships that ever existed:
Jun 25 2009 'Spread' Trailer: The Longest Ashton Kutcher Commercial Yet
You know those Nikon commercials where we follow Ashton Kutcher, playing himself, as he parades around in a scarf, enjoying his decadent, model-rich life of asshole hedonism? Here's that as a movie, now with even more unnecessary accessories! (Includes Kutchearrings and Kutchspenders!):
Continue Reading " 'Spread' Trailer: The Longest Ashton Kutcher Commercial Yet "
Jun 11 2009 Ashton Kutcher's 'Spread' Poster/Newport Ad
It's always good when a poster makes you want to hold someone's head in a microwave and, to horror of the model-esque guests of the digital camera party, watch their arrogant sneer literally melt off their face.
Feb 19 2009 Ashton Kutcher Casting Update #2
If Ashton Kutcher and family moved in next door to you--and you were a trained murderer--wouldn't you want to kill them? Good, then you'll buy the premise of this new film that will pair Kutcher with Katherine Heigl:
Katherine Heigl has signed on to star opposite Ashton Kutcher in the Lionsgate thriller "Five Killers."Film reteams Heigl with helmer Robert Luketic, who most recently directed the thesp in upcoming romantic comedy "The Ugly Truth."
Story kicks off when a woman meets the man of her dreams while on vacation. Married bliss is turned upside down when they discover that their neighbors may be assassins hired to kill them.
As of now, it's still not clear whether this film or the NFL quarterback/nerdy child body-switching movie is the prank on Hollywood. Both seem equally infeasible yet depressingly real.
(I just realized this was announced five months ago as an action-comedy rather than a thriller. It's always so hard to tell if what Kutcher is doing is meant to be funny or thriller. For example, is Kutcher strangling his fetal self with an umbilical cord meant to be funny?)
Heigl, Kutcher to star in 'Killers' [Variety]
Feb 18 2009 NFL QBs and Child Nerds Have So Much To Learn About Each Other
Of all the awful body-swapping movies--and there are a lot, for some reason--this is definitely in the running for worst:
Ashton Kutcher is looking to tackle a football comedy for Paramount Pictures.Thesp is in final negotiations to star in the sports-themed pic "Traded," which had been developed at DreamWorks but became the property of Par following DreamWorks' exit in the fall.
Storycenters on a superstar NFL quarterback and a 12-year-old middle school geek who magically trade bodies, then quickly learn valuable lessons about humility and courage.
An NFL quarterback and a 12-year-old geek switching bodies. Those two will learn so much from each other! Anyone can see why those two would switch bodies. Man, if I could have gotten into Troy Aikman's body as a 12-year-old nerd, I'd be so much wiser today. All that knowledge of being an adult paid to play a sport would really have really paid off somehow.
I think I would have preferred to see a car salesman trade bodies with a terminally-ill girl, or a master gardener switch places with a cat, but this NFL quarterback/middle school nerd combo seems like an equally non-arbitrary choice. And you have to save something for the sequel.
Ashton Kutcher to star in 'Traded' [Variety]
Oct 22 2008 People Trying to Murder Ashton Kutcher
Kutch has a new movie! It sounds like Kill Bill as a horribly broad comedy starring Ashton Kutcher:
Lionsgate has set Ashton Kutcher to star in and Robert Luketic to direct "Five Killers," an action comedy that will begin production early next year.Kutcher will play a former hit man whose life is turned upside down because someone from his past has paid a group of killers to bump him off.
God, his life is so upside down since all this attempted murder started! Everything is crazy!
I'm just curious if Kutch is going to be the wacky, supposedly-funny one or if they'll get Kevin James and some people to fill in the comedy as bumbling killers. Is it being greedy to ask for both? Tell me it's both!
Ashton Kutcher set for 'Five Killers' [Variety]
Mar 26 2008 New, Meltier 'What Happens in Vegas...' Trailer
I'm told this is a second trailer to What Happens in Vegas, and that it's somehow different, even funnier, than the first. I can't say I noticed either, but it did suddenly occur to me that the zany typeface used in the titles is remarkably similar to the one used to describe such pleasures as "melty cheese" in Taco Bell ads. Can I safely say this is the official font of things that make me physically ill?
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Mar 14 2008 'What Happens in Vegas Poster' Hints at Double Entendre
Huh-ho! I totally get it, Kutch! Cameron Diaz--that blonde dolt--is standing there thinking "Get Lucky" only refers to her winnings in Vegas! But all it took was that knowing grin and a point and I knew my man Kutch was talking a whole different kind of "lucky"! That is so awesome!
Judging by both this and the trailer, acknowledging the viewer is apparently a pretty big theme in What Happens in Vegas--probably falling just behind the theme of hilarious, Punk'd-style pranks and the theme of nonsensical court judgments for the sake of wacky plot development.
'What Happens in Vegas One-Sheet [Cinematical]
Feb 13 2008 Kutch and JJL Ready to 'Spread'! Like How Legs Do! During Sex!
In a no-brainer casting decision that could have just as easily gone the way of Josh Hartnett, Matthew McConaughey, or a convincingly handsome primate, Ashton Kutcher (above, doing something hilarious) has been cast as serial womanizer in a new indie sex comedy, Spread, alongside Jennifer Jason Leigh. It seems obvious enough why Kutch would take the part--otherwise Dane Cook would--but why is Leigh leaving the art house for a sex comedy? Was the irreverent allusion to parting thighs in the title too clever to resist? Or was it simply the chance to meet Kutch, greatly increasing the chance of future freelance Punk'ng?
Well, maybe since they tacked an "indie" on the description this could at least be a fresh and unique take on the genre, right? Probably not:
"Spread," which was put together quickly, beats out of the gate a similarly themed project that Katalyst is developing for Columbia Pictures as a Kutcher starring vehicle.
Unoriginal, rushed, and Kutch'd? I'm there!
Note: Title has been fixed. I have no idea why I typed RLL.
Jan 21 2008 'What Happens in Vegas' Trailer Shouldn't Have Happened At All
Like the recent Laws of Attraction, or any episode of a sitcom in which the main characters go to Las Vegas, What Happens in Vegas begins with the well-established premise that anyone who gets drunk in the state of Nevada will wake up confused, naked, and married. Then, to make things more complicated, newlyweds Cameron Diaz and Kutch win a $3 million jackpot that each claims ownership of. How can they solve this conundrum? Go to court, where, sensibly, Judge Dennis Miller (between hilarious, long-winded one-liners, no doubt) decides that the best movie plot would be to freeze the money and sentence the two to six months of "hard marriage." Makes sense.
From what I could gather from the trailer, apparently the judge also decrees that the first one to leave their unloving marriage will forfeit their share of the money, so the two begin a battle of one-upmanship to drive the other out of the relationship. While their attempts at foiling the other somehow, inevitably, lead to true love, it's the stupidity of these pranks that really tests your patience. Diaz enters the bathroom, we hear a splash, then Kutch--a sly grin across his face--holds up a toilet seat. Who is he showing this to? Me, the viewer? If he's going to break the fourth wall, he might as well go all out and apologize for this mess.
Continue Reading " 'What Happens in Vegas' Trailer Shouldn't Have Happened At All "
Nov 8 2007 Some Other Crap That Happened...
- Rob Zombie has announced plan to remake the horror cult classic C.H.U.D. As you surely remember, this won't be Zombie's first attempt at such a feat: he brought the horror of Halloween back to screens last year, and the horror of white guy dreadlocks back to scalps some time ago. [Dread Central]
- Michelle Pfeiffer will join Ashton Kutcher in Personal Effects, based on the Ricky Moody story "Mansion on the Hill." Keep an eye on him, Demi; if there's one thing Kutch loves, it's lame, televised pranks. But if there's another thing, it's old but still pretty hot ladies. [ComingSoon]
- Roman Polanski has abandoned his plans for Pompeii, opting instead for the political thriller The Ghost, about a ghostwriter hired to complete the memoirs of a former British prime minister. Unless he finds a girl to statutory rape instead! [Variety]
- "Screen scream queens" (Hollywood Reporter's words, not mine) Shawnee Smith, Erica Leerhsen and AnnaLynne McCord will star in Slaughter, playing a trio of actresses inadvertently cast in a Japanese snuff film. For those uninitiated, a Japanese snuff film is when men inconspicuously grope a woman on a subway to death. [Hollywood Reporter]
- Guillermo del Toro will write, direct and produce Champions, based on a British TV series in which a team of secret government agents are rescued from a plane crash by an advanced, hidden civilization and granted superhuman powers. The project hopes to fuse several barely feasible ideas into one insanely unbelievable film. [Variety]
