Oct 20 2008 Anacondas Scion Proves Deadlier Than Ancestors!
I have problems with the MTV video player thing, so I haven't actually watched this clip from Anaconda 3: The Offspring. However, I'm willing to wager the reputations of David Hasselhoff and John Rhys-Davies that it's worthwhile. I mean, we're talking anaconda offspring, for god's sake. The progeny of giant snakes, back to avenge their giant snake forefathers! We would be so fucked if David Hasselhoff wasn't around to murder them:
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Jul 23 2008 Guess What! There's This Now: 'Anaconda 3: The Offspring'
It's almost magical how they've managed to condense the entire essence of what it is to be a Sci-Fi Channel Original Movie in under ten seconds, and how that magic is strangely heightened by the Davidhasselhoffonline.com watermark obscuring the shoddy CGI and "of course you're in Anaconda 3" actors.
It's going to be really sad when John Rhys-Davies dies and his awards show tribute clips will be Indiana Jones, Lord of the Rings, then a bunch of crap like this.*
*Such as Anaconda 4: Trail of Blood, currently in post-production.
Continue Reading " Guess What! There's This Now: 'Anaconda 3: The Offspring' "
Oct 8 2007 Open Letter to Makers of 'Anaconda' 3 & 4
Dear Sony:
I just read you have commissioned two more Anaconda films, replacing all of the original and sequel stars with David Hasselhoff. Why?
Granted, I don't know the people who saw Anaconda and its sequel, Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid, but I'll trust you that they exist and paid to see J.Lo fight a large snake. (By the way, did they get the Blood Orchid?) I doubt, however, that these hypothetical people would bother watching the same situation two more times.
More importantly, I think you're misinterpreting the recent popularity of David Hasselhoff. As a member of the coveted 18-35 demographic, I assure you we do not actually equate him with quality products or acting. If that were the case, we would be watching falsely-titled America's Got Talent and Baywatch reruns. Interest in David Hasselhoff is limited to jokes about his singing, bare chest, Knight Rider, and the above video of him drunkenly eating a hamburger. Similarly, we do not want movies with Chuck Norris or that kid who cries for Britney Spears just because they enjoyed a moment of popularity through the internet and novelty t-shirts.
Thank you for your time, and please never make these.
PS: Also, we won't think it's cute if an anaconda is on a plane.
Anaconda 3 and 4 shooting [Moviehole]
