Feb 12 2008 AM Poster Post: 'Clive Barker's Book of Blood' Poster
It's tempting to compare any writing-on-skin poster to those that have already been done--like when Lou Reed and Jim Carrey found their faces similarly covered in ink--but in the case of Cliver Barker's Book of Blood, I'll have to let it slide. Looking at the source material (Clive Barker's Book of Blood, obviously), it turns out the story actually involves ghosts carving ghost stories into a man's flesh, making both the poster and its tagline stupidly appropriate. The bigger issue is that there isn't a ghost with a penknife standing behind him, writing in giant letters, "THIS IS LITERALLY WHAT HAPPENS."
Large Look at Book of Blood Teaser Art [Shock Till You Drop]
Feb 8 2008 AM Poster Post: 'Shutter' At How Terrible This Tagline Is
From the executive producers of The Grudge and The Ring comes one of the worst taglines I've ever had the misfortune of reading. "The most terrifying images are the ones that are real"? Yeah, I guess that's true. I suppose real images usually are more terrifying than illusory ones. So your horror film is unique in that everything is real? No? Then what the hell are you talking about?
Shutter Poster [IMPA]
Feb 6 2008 AM Poster Post: 'Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer'?
Someone's seen Army of Darkness, A Nightmare on Elm Street, and Mario Bros.! Then, sadly, tried to merge them all on a housewife's monthly grocery budget.
Feb 5 2008 AM Poster Post: Nicolas Cage's Flowing, 'Bangkok Dangerous' Mane
The film world's first cautionary tale about responding to the playground question of, "Have you ever been to Bangkok?"
Bangkok Dangerous Poster [IMPA]
Jan 31 2008 AM Poster Post: 'Prince Caspian' Makes Good Money
The good thing about Chronicles of Narnia posters are that, once the movie is done, we can replace these faces with U.S. presidents and it would make a great new currency design. Switch the castle with the Capitol Building, too, but keep the lion, for the hell of it.
Jan 29 2008 AM Poster Post: No One Was Going To Tell Me About 'The Grand'?
There's an improvised poker comedy starring talent like David Cross, Cheryl Hines, and Richard Kind, and this is the first I'm finding out about it? Why has no one told me about this? Because attempt by the writer of Inspector Gadget, Elektra, and X-Men 3 to be a director? OK, that makes some sense.
Still, it could be good, right? Or at least very yellow.
The Grand Poster [IMPA]
Jan 28 2008 AM Poster Post: 'Dolphins and Whales', Together At Last, in 3D
Sometimes, when the violence and intensity of your Rambos and your Cloverfields get to be too much, it's nice to see someone is making a film about swimming around, having a good time, just being a dolphin or whale. I mean, come on, guys. Dolphins and whales, together? Classic combination.
Jan 25 2008 AM Poster Post: Agent 86 Is So Awkward It Hurts
Based on this poster alone, I would be forced to believe the international campaign for Get Smart is based largely on Maxwell Smart being physically awkward to the point of deformity. How was this even made? I know a human being doesn't look or move in this way, so rule that out. A mannequin, a headshot, and Photoshop, maybe? But even then, the designer must have picked up all of their knowledge of human movement from Mario Bros. if they think this is a possible way to run.
Luckily I saw the trailer yesterday, and I know that, aside from physical impossibility, the movie is also based on jumbled concepts.
Get Smart Poster [MoviesOnline]
Jan 23 2008 AM Poster Post: 'Made of Honour', with a 'U'
As grateful as I am that they've updated the international Made of Honor poster to include evidence of Dempsey's full torso, it's a sad eye-opener to realize how differently they're marketing this movie abroad.
In countries where honor is spelled with a "u" (as seen above), the joke is: This guy's the maid of honor, yet he's trying to stop the groom!? This sounds like a wacky, mixed-up love triangle! Also, he's both literally and figuratively pushing him out of the picture! Good pun.
In the United States (as seen here), the joke is: A man as a maid of honor?! WTF??? And good pun with the "unbridaled" thing.
My point is that, as astute as he is at realizing critical differences between genders, we need to stop letting Tim Allen design movie posters. Also, neither version has answered the nagging question of why "maid" is spelled "made". I get that it's a pun, but a pun typically makes sense in some way. How he he made of honor?
Jan 22 2008 AM Poster Post: 'Possession'!
Perfectly embodies the dueling emotions of seething hatred and complete apathy I faced when watching the trailer. If you haven't had a taste of the plot, it's something like a supernatural You, Me, and Dupree. I mean, seriously, can you even imagine?
Possession Poster [IGN]
Jan 21 2008 AM Poster Post: 'Diary of the Dead' + Explosions
Why so many explosions? Zombies don't blow things up.
Diary of the Dead Movie Poster [MoviesOnline]
Jan 17 2008 AM Poster Post: The Fake Plot to 'Mamma Mia!'
In Mamma Mia!, Meryl Streep steals a sorcerer's (Pierce Brosnan) magic boa, the only flamboyant accessory capable of time travel. When it's waved in the air, half of an antiqued wooden portal is opened, allowing Meryl to see into her past. Unfortunately, a rift in the space-time continuum ends up dividing Sweden from pop music, sending the members of ABBA into various alternate futures. Can Meryl get the group back together before pop music's history is irreversibly destroyed? (You can tell this will happen because the cover keeps fading from the ABBA record Meryl carries around, like with the photo in Back to the Future.)
Mamma Mia! One-Sheet [CanMag]
Jan 16 2008 AM Poster Post: 'The Signal' Apparently Not a Test
The Signal: a cautionary tale of technology and regrettable tattoos. And if Ain't It Cool News says it will explode, it must be a true. They're not ones to litter their reviews with insane fanboy hyperbole.
Jan 15 2008 AM Poster Post: 'The Wackness' Proves Graffiti is So Hot Right Now
Which is more "wack": that Ben Kingsley is a drug-addicted therapist trading sessions for drugs, when the young drug dealer falls for his daughter (the actual plot), or that Mary-Kate Olsen is being treated as both an individual and an actual actress? I say the latter, though I admit to never seeing her part in Weeds or any of the 30 pun-filled misadventures she had with her twin sister.
The Wackness Poster [IMPA]
Jan 14 2008 AM Poster Post: 'The Bank Job'
The first poster in years to marry a grainy, '70s aesthetic with the sad look of a pet overheating in a car.
'The Bank Job' Poster Premiere [Cinematical]
Jan 11 2008 AM Poster Post: Indiana Jones is Backlit
It's been proven that Indiana Jones has one of the most internationally recognizable silhouettes--provided the outline shows the form of his trademark fedora and whip, and that he's clearly identified with giant orange lettering.
New "Indy" Poster Arrives [Wizard]
Jan 10 2008 AM Poster Post: 'How to Lose Friends' UK Quad
One surefire way to alienate people is to replace real Simon Pegg with a bizarre, giant, overly-eager action figure of Simon Pegg. Or to attempt to draw the eye to the concave chest of Kirsten Dunst as if it were an attraction.
Jan 9 2008 AM Poster Post: 'How She Move'? Oh, This Way
After yesterday's knock-out poster, I could tell everyone was clamoring for more competitive dance in poster form. So here's Step Up 2 the Streets' counterpart, How She Move. To differentiate it from its competition, it seems they're choosing to market this one in a very different way: to people in 1992.
Jan 8 2008 AM Poster Post: 'Step Up 2 the Streets' Poster Discoveries
New, fascinating discoveries from the Step Up 2 the Streets poster:
- It's apparently called Step Up 2 the Streets. (I stupidly thought it was just called Step Up 2.) Now it's less like a pointless sequel, more like a pointless text message.
- How She Move is still a different movie, but barely.
- Step Up 2 the Streets takes place in a rain-drenched dance nebula.
- This is probably what it would look like if Blue Man Group directed a Doritos commercial.
- The most intense dance competition will likely involve you, your evil dance doppelgänger, and a parody of a Jaime Kennedy parody.
- One of the most popular dances competitions is Limbo vs. Creepy Groping.
- It's not where you're from.
- It's where you're at.
Step Up 2 the Streets Poste [IMPA]
Jan 7 2008 AM Poster Post: 'Air I Breathe Poster' Is So Deep
A butterfly resting on a handgun. Such a jarring combination of beauty and violence; so deep. Nearly as meaningful as a gazelle perched on a nuclear silo, or a breast plopped next to a land mine. Well done, The Air I Breathe, in hiding your convoluted plot of Crash-meets-Next behind the steadfast mask of rap video symbolism.
The Official MySpace page for The Air I Breathe [official site]
