Nov 3 2009 'Prince of Persia' Trailer: Jake Gyllenhaal Finds the Slow Motion Knife!
Massive CGI landscapes; vague, unplaceable accents; nonstop exposition; an utter lack of any sort of chemistry between "romantic" leads; jumping. If those are things you look for in a film, you are going to love this trailer for Prince of Persia. If not, then, well... prepare to have your eyes stained bronze for a few minutes.
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Nov 2 2009 'How To Train Your Dragon' Trailer: 'ET'/'Iron Giant'/etc. Gets Reptilian
You know the story. Boy finds freak; boy befriends freak; men in power see freak as threat and try to capture/kill freak friend; you sit through the credits hoping the darkness will hide your tears. And this time our freak is: the dragon. Because aliens and giant robots filling the role still were never quite nerdy enough.
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Oct 12 2009 'Toy Story 3' Trailer: Time For Toys to Escape From Somewhere Again!
Ut oh, toys! Andy has reached the age of 18, which, as we all know, is the age when a young man finally stops playing with wooden cowboys, packs up for college, and starts listening to somber Randy Newman songs to indicate the gravity of the situation. Andy's mom, like my dad, is eager to get that recently-vacated room turned into a den, and decides to donate the Woody, Buzz, Female Woody, Dinosaur Toy, and the rest of the gang to a daycare center. Now, since Woody hates acts of charity, it's time to escape!
Here's the trailer that explains that plot:
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Sep 30 2009 New 'Fantastic Mr. Fox' Trailer: The Cuss You Won't Watch This
New trailer for Wes Anderson's The Fantastic Mr. Fox, people. Let it wiggle into that fox-in-a-corduroy-blazer-shaped hole in your heart and fill it with stop-motion love:
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Sep 25 2009 First Look at Nerd-Style Pegg and Frost in 'Paul'
That Paul movie--the one directed by Adventureland's Greg Mottola that stars longtime collaborators Simon Pegg and Nick Frost as sci-fi fanboys who befriend an alien they find near Area 51. You were looking forward to that picture, right? Well, here's the first look at them (along with Blythe Danner and Kristen Wiig) in their geek regalia.
Pretty accurate sci-fi geek uniforms, I'd say--especially if that's a lightsaber strapped to the back of Frost--but without the presence of a greasy ponytail slapping against at least one of their lumbar regions, I can't give them an 'A'.
Sep 18 2009 'Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief' Trailer: The Latest Next Harry Potter
Big fan of Rick Riordan's Percy Jackson & The Olympians book series? Want to see Pierce Brosnan look like a homeless wino? If you checked the box next to either of those questions, here's something special for you:
Sep 8 2009 'Fantastic Mr. Fox' Poster: Hopefully Children Are Aware of the Popular Phrase "Trip the Light Fantastic"
As much as I'm looking forward to this film, I really wish the poster would address the elephant in the room: "Don't worry, this isn't one of those 'furry' things with people dressed up like foxes getting horny on each other." I know it isn't, but I worry that, if it isn't stated outright, people are still going to show up dressed up like foxes and get horny on each other.
'Fantastic Mr. Fox' Poster [IMPA]
Sep 4 2009 'Aladin' Trailer: The Lack of 'D' Means It's Indian and Crazy
It's what everyone who thinks Indian and Arab are the same people has been waiting for: an Indian version of Aladin! It's like Aladdin, only with one "d", Bollywood dance numbers instead of Gilbert Gottfried the Parrot, and someone called "The Ringmaster." And apparently it's coming to theaters because some people might think it's Slumdog Millionaire 2.
Here's the trailer. I like that the initial titles first make you think it's a porn, then a cheesy corporate video, before finally revealing that it's actually a lost '90s NBC TV movie.
(Thank you, faithful tipster Brayden Jamez.)
Aug 28 2009 'Men Who Stare at Goats' Trailer: Coen Brothers Lite
This trailer for Men Who Stare at Goats is basically Diet Coen Brothers. I'm not going to say it will completely fulfill you in the same way a refreshing Coen Brothers will, but I think you'll detect enough of that distinctly Coen flavor in Grant Heslov's comedy--especially with a mustached George Clooney and long-haired, druggie Jeff Bridges--that it should at least tide you over until you can get the real deal:
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Jun 23 2009 'Sherlock Holmes' Posters: Holmes has Twilight Hair
From the same desaturated universe as Harry Potter, here come the Sherlock Holmes character posters. I have to say, I'm pretty disappointed about the move away from advertising Holmes as a brooding Tom Petty. Which look am I supposed to wear when I'm standing in line opening night?
New Sherlock Holmes Posters [Empire]
Jun 17 2009 New 'Half-Blood Prince Posters': God, Harry Potter, Kiss Her! KISS HER!
New Harry Potter posters, Harry Potteriacs! There are finally enough that, if you start looking at Half-Blood Prince posters from the start right now, the last one in this set will be your final image you see before you die.
Links below for the others:
- Ron in a Lifetime Movie about a jealous love triangle.
- Hermione escaping unnecessary PDA, and birds.
- Female magician equivalent of '50s gang henchman who always wore 3D glasses.
- Sir Ian McKellen rear shot.
Jun 1 2009 Swift to Fight Cyborg Kickboxer on Film
Amidst the scramble to pick up absolutely any franchise that might have any hint of name recognition for anyone, Columbia has purchased Swift, a pitch from Barry Sonnenfeld and Ben David Grabinski that reinvents the largely bygone character Tom Swift.
Swift, first introduced 1910, is a boy adventurer, and his series have focused largely on such fantastical inventions as a cyborg kickboxer, a blatant C-3PO rip-off, a rifle powered by the mystical force of electricity, and something called a "motor cycle." The updated version, Variety says, "would feature Swift as one-half of a father-son team who are among the greatest inventors of all time." Meaning, in the film, Tom will inevitably have to rescue his father from the clutches of an evil rival scientist trying to steal the Swifts' plans to use on a powerful new weapon.
Personally, I'm hoping the film have a basis in the novel Tom Swift and His Big Tunnel. With today's computer rendering power, we could finally get a true vision of just how big this big tunnel is.
May 29 2009 See You Guys at 'Tintin' Around Christmas 2011
Something for your kitten calendar: Steven Spielberg's The Adventures of Tintin: The Secret of the Unicorn will be released internationally in late October/early November 2011 before arriving in US theaters December 23. Try to mark it down, but in case you forget, I'll try to remind you sometime that calendar year.
On a somewhat related note, I finally started reading the Tintin comics, and they are nuts. Every page introduces a new conflict that is serendipitously resolved by the next page. For example: "Ut oh, Tintin has been tied to a massive dumbbell and thrown into Lake Michigan! Oh, phew, it turns out they accidentally tied him to a circus strongman's fake, wooden dumbbells that float. Tintin is safe!" Something like that happens every page. It's madness. Who knew the series would be so amazingly ridiculous, besides the millions worldwide who read it decades ago?
May 29 2009 'Toy Story 3' Teaser: Living Toys Have Returned
In a futile attempt to keep up with the Shrekses, Pixar will be releasing Toy Story 3 in theaters June 18, 2010, and, now attached to Up, there's the following teaser trailer for the sequel. Keep the dream alive that sentient playthings are conspiring behind your back:
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May 28 2009 'Land of the Lost' Has the Laziest Poster
"Poster designer! The new Land of the Lost poster is due in an hour!"
"Whatevs. I'll just cut out a photo of Will Ferrell, slap him into a white nothingness devoid of even shadow, and have the T-rex from the first poster bursting through the paper thin barrier that surrounds this surreal, nebulous space."
"That sounds like a really good poster."
"I know. Thanks."
May 26 2009 'Flight of the Navigator': Remake Time
Flight of the Navigator, the '80s film where a kid flew around in a silver pod--of which my only memory is of the alien on-board computer eye-bot thing doing an impression of Pee-wee Herman (because it was Pee-wee Herman), but which I've still decided is an untouchable classic--is going to be remade with computers that will render a slightly more convincing silver pod:
Disney is readying another launch of sci-fi adventure movie "Flight of the Navigator."Brad Copeland is writing the remake, which is being produced by Mandeville partners David Hoberman and Todd Lieberman.
The 1986 original told the story of a 12-year-old boy who is abducted by an alien spacecraft in 1978 and reappears eight years later, still the same age and with no memory of what happened. NASA scientists discover a connection between the boy and a downed spacecraft and try to exploit the boy, who ultimately escapes with the ship and attempts to reunite with his family.
Now, before you ask, yes, Mac and Me is next. No announcement has been made, but all the signs are there. There will be Mac and Me, then a remake of the pilot episode of Small Wonder, and finally a remake of The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes (specifically, a remake of the 1995 Kirk Cameron television remake, not the original). It's all part of a plan to make updated versions of my most dim and obscure memories of family-friendly science fiction.
May 20 2009 New '9' Trailer: It's the Ragdoll 'Terminator Salvation'
God, why do we keep trusting computoids when their only concern is the preservation of precious circuitry? There's a new trailer for 9, Shane Acker's animated, post-apocalyptic adventure, and this one goes into the film's backstory--what circumstances led to human extinction, leaving soul-infused ragdolls as the primary form of life. As expected, fucking robots were involved. And you just know this guy was leading the charge against us.
The trailer:
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May 19 2009 'Sherlock Holmes' Trailer: It's a Fun One
I try not to ever say a movie "looks like a fun one." That's how my grandparents used to describe movies, and I hoped to never devolve to such a simplistic level of critique that judges all films as "fun ones," "renters," or head shakes and disgusted sighs. But I see no other way to describe Guy Ritchie's Sherlock Holmes. It genuinely looks like a "fun one." And not like a Transformers fun one, where enjoying the scant moments of fun means pushing aside all the aggravating, brain-hurting, often nonsensical events that led you there. A genuine fun one. Non-Crystal Skull Indiana Jones type fun.
The trailer:
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May 6 2009 More From That 'Sherlock Holmes' Detective Man Movie
Though Data and Geordi in the Enterprise holodeck will always be my go-to Sherlock Holmes point of reference, because I'm a nerd, USA Today's article and accompanying photo set covering Guy Ritchie's take on the famous detective have given me some renewed interest in the action-adventure reinterpretation. Even producer Joel Silver's quote, "Audiences are interested in seeing something they know," wasn't quite enough to discourage me about this project. You can't fault him for being depressingly honest.
Apr 23 2009 'Brothers Bloom' Intro is Year's Best Mash-Up
If Paul Thomas Anderson directed a Wes Anderson script, the seven minute opening to Rian Johnson's The Brothers Bloom would inevitably be the result. The Ricky Jay narration and frequent, dramatic camera push-ins of PTA have merged with the precocious, costumed children and slow-motion walking-to-music requirements of the Wes. When the two directors get to their daily afternoon Hulu watching session, they're going to spit take in each others faces at this:
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