Nov 11 2009 'Clash of the Titans' Trailer: This Sweet Music Makes Me Think Something Awesome Should Be Happening!
Imagine if Hercules: The Legendary Journeys had just a few thousand more dollars in its budget. How many extra eight or nine hours Kevin Sorbo could have afforded to spend in the gym; how many tens of more extras could have been employed; how much slightly more realistic the giant CGI scorpions might have appeared; how they could have maybe got Liam Neeson to do a brief cameo to slam his fist on something. Wouldn't that have been pretty mediocre?
Imagine no longer! That Sliders parallel universe is now:
Nov 6 2009 New 'Sherlock Holmes' Trailer Really Wants You To Say 'Bromance'
If you thought the last Sherlock Holmes trailer was "wtf sherlock homes is not a cage fighter gay," wait until you see this one! You should have roughly he same reaction.
Continue Reading " New 'Sherlock Holmes' Trailer Really Wants You To Say 'Bromance' "
Nov 4 2009 'Salt' Trailer: Angelina the Spy
Next summer, only one film will combine the action and thrills of a Bourne film with the girlish fun of dying your hair and dressing up in different sexy outfits: Salt! Starring Angelina Jolie as: Salt!
Here's your trailer.
Nov 3 2009 'Prince of Persia' Trailer: Jake Gyllenhaal Finds the Slow Motion Knife!
Massive CGI landscapes; vague, unplaceable accents; nonstop exposition; an utter lack of any sort of chemistry between "romantic" leads; jumping. If those are things you look for in a film, you are going to love this trailer for Prince of Persia. If not, then, well... prepare to have your eyes stained bronze for a few minutes.
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Oct 29 2009 'Avatar' Theatrical Trailer: Officially This Time
Here it is, nerds: the full-length trailer for James Cameron's big-deal sci-fi action goddammer, Avatar. Print out a copy so dad can see it too.
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Oct 26 2009 'Sherlock Holmes' Poster: HOLMES FOR THE HOLIDAYS!
Bravo, tagline writers. "Holmes for the Holidays" is marginally better than "Have a Merry Christmystery!" or "Sher-Lox on a Bagel: Happy Hanukkah!" You did it.
Big version at Cinematical.
Oct 23 2009 Welp, Here They Are: The A-Team
So will every movie adaptation of a '70s/'80s campy action show take place in the same high-contrast, extremely overexposed world as Charlie's Angels? I'm fine with that; I only worry I may be blind by the time we get to Magnum P.I.
(Bigger version at /Film.)
Oct 23 2009 'Season of the Witch' Trailer Hits All the Bases, I Guess
A witch, a mutilated monk, and Nicolas Cage demanding Ron Perlman cut someone's head off? What more do you want from a film, Foreign Press???
Continue Reading " 'Season of the Witch' Trailer Hits All the Bases, I Guess "
Oct 22 2009 These Two Might Be Mad Max, Lady Mad Max
Despite being met by reactions ranging from apathy to disgust, it looks like the Mel Gibson-less Mad Max film is still moving steadily but slowly forward. E! has reportedly heard from multiple sources that, though director George Miller has been incredibly secretive about plot and details, he's looking at British actor Tom Hardy (from Band of Brothers, and looking crazy in this Bronson trailer) and Charlize Theron to play the leads.
So this means come-out-of-nowhere Australian action star Sam Worthington wasn't automatically cast as Australian hero Mad Max when the new film was announced? I just assumed.
Great. Now what am I going to do with all these shirts?
Oct 20 2009 New 'Sherlock Holmes' Trailer, Dudes!
Dude! Last night, during the ball game, when you went to pick up more Milwaukee's Best Old BrewDog Lites, you fuckin' missed this new Sherlock Holmes trailer! You gotta see this shit! Iron Man is all like BOOSH punchin' these goddammers! S'all good, though; I internet taped it for you:
Oct 20 2009 'Spy Next Door' Trailer: The Rock Sadly Was Not Available For This Picture
You think being a spy is hard, Jackie Chan? Try supervising three children! And a PIG! (Cue record screech):
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Oct 14 2009 'Expendables' Trailer: I Refuse To Believe This Is Real
Nice try, Sylvester Stallone. I'm sure you'd like us all to believe this promotional trailer is for an actual movie that you're supposedly making. But I know a viral video that compiles every clichéd '80s action movie scene ever made into a fake trailer when I see one, and this has to be that:
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Oct 13 2009 Pun Deemed Best Title for Cruise/Diaz Movie
The Tom Cruise/Cameron Diaz romantic-comedy-action film once titled Wichita, née Trouble Man, has a new title. Variety reports 20th Century Fox has decided that Knight & Day is an even better title than either of those previous, completely unrelated titles.
I'm just going to go out on a limb here and guess that the lead characters' names are something like Tom Knight and Cameron Day, and that they're also comically opposite in personality? Is that close? Did I just write a movie? I think I did.
Oct 9 2009 'Black Dynamite' Trailer: Finally, A Shaft That Knows Kung Fu
Black Dyamite comes out next weekend, so time for a final trailer. If you like '70s blaxploitation films, parodies of '70s blaxploitation, or seeing Arsenio Hall doing something other than hosting World's Funniest Moments--the premier series for documenting human history's funniest hit-in-the-balls videos, ever--this is for you:
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Oct 1 2009 Here Is Your Depressed 'A-Team' Team
Coming Soon has posted the first look at "Rampage" Jackson, Liam Neeson, Sharlto Copley, and Bradley Cooper on the set of The A-Team.
Thank god director Joe Carnahan appears to have included at least one scene where Baracus suddenly gets really nihilistic, sitting wherever he can and muttering how "it doesn't even fucking matter" for twenty minutes while the rest of the team awkwardly tries to console him. Those were always my favorite episodes of the show.
Sep 21 2009 New 'A-Team' Van Looks Like Old 'A-Team' Van
This first look at the A-Team van has revealed that the new vehicle design looks nearly identical to the original, breaking the fan-angering, '80s TV show car-changing standard set up by Transformers. Rednecks who have modified their old vans in homage to the series can breathe a sigh of relief: your children will still understand the cultural relevancy of your re-painted 1983 GMC Vandura.
Sep 17 2009 'From Paris with Love' Trailer: From Travolta's Mouth with Smugness
As if John Travolta hadn't gnawed through enough scenery in Taking of Pelham 1 2 3, that smirking hole in the middle of his ridiculous goatee is chewing it up again, this time with Jonathan Rhys Meyers in From Paris with Love. It's basically Turner & Hooch, except instead of dog drool, the "good cop" character has to cope with Travolta's overacting:
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Sep 15 2009 'Solomon Kane' Trailer: The Philanthropist Murders Some Freaks
Want to see a bunch of disgusting, unholy freaks getting killed by a man who appears to be taking part in a high fantasy Thanksgiving play? Because, quite honestly, if you can manage to make that the only criteria you're looking for in a movie, this trailer for Solomon Kane looks kind of awesome:
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Sep 11 2009 New 'Surrogates' Trailer: Putting All Those Obnoxious Android Model Bus/Subway Ads in Context
Haven't you always wanted to live the life of a Powerade commercial? Everyone has! That's why, in the future, we'll probably live through surrogate, robot bodies that can mountain climb, skydive, and have Craig Kilborn's hair better than any human (besides Craig Kilborn). But what if someone figures out how to MURDER the real humans behind the surrogates??? That's a Bruce Willis movie is what:
Sep 3 2009 'Boondock Saints 2' Trailer: Billy Connolly is Such a Bad-Ass
I'm just going to admit to you all right now that I've never seen Boondock Saints. After 20 or so dudes in my freshman dorm explained to me how "fucking awesome" and "totally bad-ass" it was, I became too annoyed and decided I would never see this movie under any circumstances. Likewise, I will never see its sequel, Boondock Saints 2: All Saints Day. However, I understand you might have a dorm to tell about how bad-ass/disappointing the sequel is, so here's the trailer:
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