Nov 13 2009 'Charlie's Angels' Being Forcefully Dragged Back Onto Televisions

Continuing the dismal trend of digging up the lifeless corpses of '70s and '80s television shows, painting them up pretty, and watching them decay over a single season of broadcast television (ed: see Knight Rider, The Bionic Woman, web-slingers!), ABC is reportedly close to ordering a pilot for a new adaptation of Charlie's Angels.

The latest revival will be the third attempt, looming under the finger-gunned ladyshadows of plans made in 1988 and 2004 that never reached campy eroticism actualization.

No word on how this will affect plans for a third Charlie Angel movie. The two surely can't run parallel; the heavens could never stand to loan mankind six slutty-looking women all at once.

Oct 10 2008 'V: Final Battle' Ends Up Not Being Final Battle

Remember V, that miniseries from the '80s where human-like aliens come to earth and seem friendly enough until they start ripping their faces off to reveal that they're horrible lizard things, and also Beastmaster is there? Well, someone at ABC also recalls it, and recently said, "Hey, we should probably remake that." Another familiar turd in the bowl. From Variety:

"V," the 1980s miniseries about alien lizards visiting Earth, will invade primetime once again.

ABC is developing a new adaptation of the franchise — which spawned a second mini and TV spinoff — written by "The 4400" co-creator/exec producer Scott Peters.

Peters is set to exec produce, along with HDFilms principal Jace Hall.

Hall, the former head of Warner Bros.’ videogame division who has worked on titles including "F.E.A.R.," will help expand "V" into other platforms, including gaming.

It might be slightly less shocking when the aliens rip off their faces this go round, since we all now know that they're alien lizards who are going to tear their faces off, so here's what I'm thinking to keep things interesting: a second layer of face peel-off! Like in the original, we see the aliens' skin come off, and we're all, "Whoa, hold the phone. You guys aren't human at all. You're horrible lizard things." And they're like, "Whoops. OK, so we're a race of horrible lizard things. Still, though, we're peaceful." So we say, "OK, fine, let's move on." Only then they tear off the lizard faces too, revealing they were really lizard skeletons. At that point we're finally like, "I'm sorry, but that's too much. Let the Final Battle begin, V."

Oct 4 2007 Some Other Crap That Happened...

- Jay Leno is threatening to remain on television beyond his 2009 Tonight Show resignation by signing a deal with another network, thus preserving our ever-growing national catalog of mildly amusing newspaper misprints. [NY Post]

- ABC has contracted Veronica Mars writer (not Matchbox 20 moron) Rob Thomas to resurrect the short-lived sitcom Cupid. With Entourage and male-pattern baldness in full swing, Jeremy Piven won't be reprising his role, meaning it will make even less sense that I still refer to him as "Cupid." [Variety]

- Eddie Murphy and director Brian Robbins (AKA tough guy from Head of the Class) are planning to team up for A Thousand Words, about a man who only has 1,000 words left to speak before he dies. The two previously teamed up for Norbit, making it apparent Robbins and Murphy are angels of a wrathful god punishing us for our sins. [Variety]

- Vin Diesel as the Terminator? Sure. Why the f*** not. [AICN]

- Rush Hour director Brett Ratner is taking over as director on the Escape from New York remake. Do you hear the words comin' out of my mouth? They're sorrowful. [IESB]