Apr 20 2009 'H2' Teaser -- The 'H' Stands for Halloween!
Standing, staring, meandering, stabbing, suddenly being behind someone who's looking in a mirror: Michael Myers is back, and he's doing all of that in this new teaser for H2! Get ready to dig your fingers into the shoulders of the person next to you!*
*Entertainment Tonight stooge's opinion, not a human sentiment.
Continue Reading " 'H2' Teaser -- The 'H' Stands for Halloween! "
Oct 22 2008 'Friday the 13th' Teaser Looks How You'd Figure It Would
Yeah, this is what I'd expect a Friday the 13th remake to look like. It's like a video version of a friend trying to explain the idea of Friday the 13th to you: "There's this camp, and this dude Jason is like hacking at these teenagers with knives, and he's got this hockey mask. Maybe there was a trap door or something? I don't know. I could be making that part up. I only saw one of them and it was a long time ago."
Oh, so like this:
Continue Reading " 'Friday the 13th' Teaser Looks How You'd Figure It Would "
Jan 18 2008 'Star Trek' Teaser Trailer, in Glorious Cell Phone-Quality
Once again, the ingenuity of the modern bootlegger provides us with a blurry, flickering glimpse of the new Star Trek trailer without the ridiculous ticket price or hassle of entering society. It's too dark to get a good look at the Enterprise assembly, but still worth experiencing to hear Leonard Nimoy's updated, histrionic reading of the "space... the final frontier" line, said with the same dramatic intonation as you'd say, "I'm dying... But before I go, the treasure is..."
Continue Reading " 'Star Trek' Teaser Trailer, in Glorious Cell Phone-Quality "
Dec 26 2007 'Knight Rider' Teaser Has Made a Huge Mistake
This teaser for NBC's attempt at bringing interest to Knight Rider is very short, pointless, and looks like the introduction of a Fear Factor challenge, but it does let you hear Will Arnett's update to the voice of their talking car. Does anyone else think they made him say "Hello, Mike" instead of "Michael" so that we wouldn't think we were watching Arrested Development remade with cars?
Continue Reading " 'Knight Rider' Teaser Has Made a Huge Mistake "
Oct 29 2007 'Kung Fu Panda' Trailer Panders Fast as Lightning
It looks like Dreamworks is already sending out their cease and desists, but for the time being, you can check out the teaser trailer to their latest CGI masterpiece, Kung Fu Panda (AKA Shrek the Panda) at /Film.
I never understand why they forcibly remove the free advertising they're getting. It's like they don't want us to see how they got the lead voice actor, Jack Black, to ham it up in live-action antics, like Seinfeld with Bee Movie only even more patronizing. Or how they cleverly found a little-known Kung Fu-themed song, "Kung Fu Fighting," to subtlely broadcast that, indeed, this movie does involve Kung Fu.
Kung Fu Panda Teaser Trailer [/Film]
Oct 15 2007 Van Damme Attempts Humor, WWJD-style Notoriety, with JCVD
I don't know if it's sadder that Jean-Claude Van Damme is attempting to poke some fun at himself with this fake biography, JCVD (a pre-sell teaser for Cannes), or that it's light years from being the funniest video of Jean-Claude Van Damme on the internet, which is here.
Aug 17 2007 Harold And Kumar 2 Teaser Trailer
The teaser trailer for Harold and Kumar 2 is online, and the plot outline is that they're running from authorities who suspect them of being terrorists after they try to sneak a bong on board their flight to Amsterdam. Sound stupid? Of course. But who cares, because Doogie Howser is back and reprising his role as, well, Doogie Howser. If they can somehow work in Scott Baio playing Scott Baio, this thing will win all sorts of Academy Awards. Wait, they have a category for "Best Use Of TV Actors Who Used To Be Famous But Now Aren't Famous" right?
Jul 26 2007 Dark Knight Trailer is Hella Blurry
Here's an awful bootleg of the Dark Knight teaser trailer. You'll probably be all pissed at the crappy quality until you realize it's just sound over a Batman logo anyway. Supposedly it's going to play in front of the Simpsons movie tomorrow. HOLY CRAP I CAN'T CONTAIN MY BOUNDLESS EXCITEMENT! :-0 :-0 :-0
Jul 12 2007 Indiana Jones Teaser Footage
George Lucas: Lesbian Cat Lover, Sunglass Enthusiast
Since the sexy world of movie blogging is basically sniffing the air every time Harrison Ford looks like he's going to fart, I figured I might as well post this teaser clip from Indy 4.
If you remade this clip to be about my life, it'd just be a quick cut montage of a cat masturbating, a pink speedo, and an angry barn owl.
Jul 11 2007 10,000 BC Teaser Trailer
Even months after working with Emmerich, many of his actors find that they can scarcely look at a green screen without bursting into tears.
IESB has a teaser trailer for Roland Emmerich's upcoming 10,000 B.C. It's hard to infer much from this - it sort of looks like it's about a sabre tooth tiger who eats electricity. But judging by Emmerich's track record (Independence Day, The Day After Tomorrow), I'm going to go out on a limb here and say it's going to be expensive and shitty.
Yahoo!'s supposed to have the full trailer tomorrow, so stay tuned. Or don't, what the f*** do I care.
