Jun 17 2009 Extended 'G.I. Joe' TV Spot: Will There Be Slow, Deliberate Clapping Too?
Just in case you were wondering if the G.I. Joe movie would work in the "Real American Hero" slogan in a really sarcastic way...
Yes! It does!
(via ComingSoon).
Jun 15 2009 'G.I. Joe' Poster: Could We Switch the Head on That Butt?
Left: old poster with windswept, monstrous face. Right: new poster with sneering, human face.
Winner: Adobe Photoshop digital manipulation software.
Full new poster below the cut.
Continue Reading " 'G.I. Joe' Poster: Could We Switch the Head on That Butt? "
May 27 2009 'G.I. Joe' Poster: What Exactly Happened to Sienna Miller's Face?
That is not Sienna Miller's face. That's a hybrid of Maggie Gyllenhaal, Joan Rivers, and a 7th grader's carefully-shaded pencil drawing of a woman with an afterthought of sunglasses. It's not Sienna Miller and it might not be human.
At least Channing Tatum captured the proper listless melancholy of being in an elite military team. Driving awesome vehicles with ridiculously powerful weapons may be cool, but there's also a sadness that comes with it. There's a reason the Duke action figure comes with a rocket launcher and a poetry notebook.
G.I. Joe International Poster [Empire]
May 1 2009 'Mysteries of Pittsburgh' Poster: "Alright, for This Shot, Everyone Just Look at Something"
The biggest mystery for me is how and why a poster would be trying so hard to be the VHS box art of a hypothetical 1985 Keifer Sutherland/Britney Spears/Conan O'Brien love-triangle drama. I guess sometimes life leads you in the most mysterious places, you know?
Apr 30 2009 New 'G.I. Joe' Trailer: Many Things Wrong Here
G.I. Joe cartoons were, primarily, extended advertisements for toys. As a kid, you see this guy with a metal face riding in an awesome missile launcher, you want to play with those things, and you beg your parents until they buy them, and then you watch more of the cartoon so that you understand who should be firing what at who. Everyone but parents win. And I think that's a fine system. If the new G.I. Joe movie was a big commercial for new toys, I'd be alright with that.
But it's not. It's more like an infomercial for crappy, black Iron Man suits that let you dodge things Matrix style:
Continue Reading " New 'G.I. Joe' Trailer: Many Things Wrong Here "
Jan 27 2009 'G.I. Joe' Posters Using Classic Leather/Sparks/Debris Combo
Paramount has released five new posters for the G.I. Joe movie. Their concept: poorly-framed characters on the set of a car commercial, and things are blowing up. Enjoy:
Continue Reading " 'G.I. Joe' Posters Using Classic Leather/Sparks/Debris Combo "
Jun 26 2008 Baroness Will Have Larger-Than-Expected Boobs
If you decide to give in to masochistic curiosity and pay to put a hit on your childhood nostalgia (by which I mean buy a ticket to G.I. Joe), a few questions will likely pass through your head before you're able to successfully slit your wrists with your seat's cupholder. "Why have I done this? Is Step Up really still talking? Are those really Sienna Miller's boobs, because I remember them being smaller when I looked at all those naked pictures of her?"
You may never get answers to the first two unless an usher can quickly fashion a tourniquet from a popcorn bucket, but I can help you with the last: No. No they aren't.
In an interview, the Baroness-playing actress revealed she had to wear breast enhancers for the role because director Stephen Sommers apparently has this really strange, unique fetish that causes him to prefer large boobs over smaller boobs. Weird, right? From the SF Gate:
She says, "(I wear a) tight black leather outfit. And much bigger boobs."They gave me these things that looked like chicken fillets. The director said, 'I'm gonna be honest, I like girls with big boobs,' and I don't have them so we made them bigger."
I don't know why the presence of bust enhancers would come as a surprise. We already saw that Scarlett is wearing them as armor.
Jun 25 2008 More 'G.I. Joe' Banners, Important Parts Marked in Red
It looks like the color scheme for G.I. Joe banner campaign is officially "black & white, with a dab of red drawing the eye to the least significant thing possible." These are the second and third posters (after this one!) highlighting a small feature on a weapon, and I'm starting to worry these details are being focused on because they're the best parts of the movie. G.I. Joe's goal is get a critic to say, "A ludicrous plot, wooden acting, and insane dialogue couldn't detract from the highly-detailed knobs, switches, and stripes adorning most of the weaponry. B-"
'G.I. Joe' Banners [Film 1]
May 27 2008 'G.I. Joe' Spy Shots: Baroness Over-Accessorizes
The glasses, wig, leather trenchcoat, dripping blood, machine gun, Bluetooth headset, and small metal box that indicates whether or not her belt is armed are all fine, but come on, a white purse? That's a bit much. Plus, it's going to be really hard not to lose all those parts when you buy the action figure.
Baroness Bloody Baroness [IESB]
May 8 2008 Look at All These New 'G.I. Joe' Characters!
Like a breeze of pollen spreading its offensive seeds across the landscape, a new batch of G.I. Joe character shots have turned up around the web, and they're already causing a harsh reaction from my distorted-nostalgia allergy. Each shot originally appeared on a different site, but I've helpfully assembled them here for easier viewing (with the aid of Cinematical already doing so).
Truth be told, my memories of the specifics of these characters have faded, so I've made up character names and summaries rather than look anything up. I hope that works for everyone.
Continue Reading " Look at All These New 'G.I. Joe' Characters! "
Apr 18 2008 Remaining 'G.I. Joe' Character Shots Revealed
IMAGE REMOVED AT REQUEST OF Paramount Picture Corporation Properties
In a flood of black spandex and patent leather, the remaining character shots from G.I. Joe have arrived at WWTD. The series of awkwardly-posed shots give us a first look at the costumes for Duke (spandex with some panels strapped to it, faint goatee), Roadblock (same), Cover Girl (Halloween USA's Sexy Militant costume), Storm Shadow (an '80s coke dealer's couch as a biker jacket), Baroness (a formfitting tacky purse), and Hawk (leather jacket drenched in self-loathing). Looking at them did nothing to inject any confidence in the project, but it was pretty worthwhile to see supermodel Karolina Korkova and Dennis Quaid compete for Best Come-Hither Over-the-Shoulder glance.
Feb 27 2008 Whew! Baroness Definitely Has Black Hair
After the above shot from the set of G.I. Joe was taken last week, there was some concern that the traditionally raven-haired Baroness may have been made blonde. Naturally, there was outrage: how dare they deviate from the original, slightly altering a fading memory of our childhood. Baroness was only a believable high-ranking member of a snake-themed international terrorist organization because of her familiar dark hair. A blonde female baron? Please.
But it turns out our concerns may have been unfounded, as Sienna Miller has now confirmed to Acess Hollywood that she wears a black wig in the film:
I play this character called The Baroness. I have a black wig, and guns, and leather, and it's all fantastic.
Also, I was wrong about the G.I. Joe movie being a terrible idea made to capitalize on a current interest in blind patriotism and '80s nostalgia. It turns out it's all fantastic.
Independen Spirit Awards [Access Hollywood]
Feb 22 2008 'G.I. Joe' Set Shots! Baroness is Blonde?! Duke is Primitive?!
From the set of G.I. Joe, JFX managed to sneak some first looks at Channing Tatum and Sienna Miller in-costume as Duke and Baroness. Someone will have to remind me: has Duke always been so flagrantly vain despite having the cretinous look of a proto-human? And was Baroness ever blonde?
Begin the complaining. (Note: the Baroness photo under the cut may have "spoiler" qualities.)
Continue Reading " 'G.I. Joe' Set Shots! Baroness is Blonde?! Duke is Primitive?! "
Nov 20 2007 Sienna Miller Joins Evil Forces of Cobra
When I first heard G.I. Joe was being directed by the same guy who did The Mummy Returns and Van Helsing, any and all slim hope I had for a film based on action figures was lost. So does it come as any surprise that pro-ana spokesmodel Sienna Miller will play Baroness, bringing her patented style of anti-acting to the evil Cobra character? No. No it doesn't.
We might as well get Brendan Fraser in here to play Duke and call it a day. I'm sure we'll barely notice the atrocious performances through all the forced allusions to the current war.
Sienna Miller signs up for 'G.I. Joe' [Variety]
Jun 19 2007 Steve Buscemi Directs, is Weird Looking
I constantly burn my penis with red hot cigar butts!
Here's the trailer for the Interview, which stars Steve Buscemi and Sienna Miller and was directed by Steve Buscemi. It appears to feature lots of falling down. But it must be really good because it's got a ton of those little caesar wreath graphic thingies with "Official Selection: Such-and-Such Film Festival" in it.
It reminds me of the trophy case at my mom's house with all the reminders of my accomplishments, like my pink "Participant: San Joaquin Pie Eating Contest" ribbon, and my "2nd Annual Kingsburg Grape Stomp" certificate. Mom says I'm her little champion!
Mar 19 2007 Stardust Teaser Trailer
Watch this trailer to Stardust and wonder how Robert De Niro, Claire Danes, Michelle Pfeiffer, Sienna Miller, Rupert Everett, Ian McKellen, Peter O'Toole, and Ricky Gervais were somehow convinced to star in this sort of Dungeons & Dragons adaptation. Of course if you've read the Neil Gaiman novel it's based on, you probably have all sorts of crazy opinions about how it's not necessarily Dungeons & Dragons just because it's set in a fantasy world of swords and wizardry. Tell it to your dice bag, nerd.
UPDATE: Apparently it's not an official trailer. It's actually an unofficial series of shots from the film set to music, similar to a trailer.
Nov 16 2006 Factory Girl Trailer
The trailer for Factory Girl is now up, starring Sienna Miller as Edie Sedgwick, Hayden Christensen as a poorly acted Bob Dylan-esque schlub and Guy Pearce as Kevin Spacey doing an impression of Andy Warhol. Hopefully seeing Edie Sedgwick on-screen again will remind another generation of girls how much prettier they'd be thinner and more drugged looking. Seriously, no one likes you "healthy."
If the YouTube link goes down, it's also here.
Nov 6 2006 Factory Girl Poster
The poster for Factory Girl, the Edie Sedgwick biopic, shows that Sienna Miller is playing the role as a sort of thin Mimi from The Drew Carey Show. This doesn't surprise me. What surprises me is how much I want to "do" thin Mimi.
Jan 24 2006 Lou Reed Hates Factory Girl, Looks Simian
The Velvet Underground's Lou Reed hates the new film Factory Girl, in which Sienna Miller plays Andy Warhol's muse Edie Sedgwick. Reed, a friend of Sedgwick, told the New York Daily News,
I read that script. It's one of the most disgusting, foul things I've seen - by any illiterate retard - in a long time. There's no limit to how low some people will go to write something to make money.
The comment upset much of Hollywood, which is composed nearly entirely of illiterate retards. However, to put things in perspective, it's probably impossible to please Lou Reed after the amount of heroine he's done at this point. Nothing can compare to that.
