Aug 31 2009 Weekend Box Office: 'THE Final Destination' Fares Better Than Holiday-Themed Film
The Sirens' call of teenagers dying overly-elaborate deaths was too loud to resist:
1. The Final Destination - $28.3 million. I can't figure out if the third one was that good or if everyone just forgot prior Final Destinations existed.
2. Inglourious Basterds - $20 million. I saw a preview for this and the ABC series Shaq Vs. within a few minutes of each other, and it gave me a good idea for a show. Let's just say it loosely involves Shaq versus Nazis.
3. Halloween II - $17.4 million. An underwhelming showing, but, sadly, still enough to easily make back the $15 million budget and continue Rob Zombie's horror career.
4. District 9 - $10.7 million. Let's hope aliens don't land here while this is still in theaters. We shouldn't reveal how we're going to force them into a bottom caste until they start getting really annoying.
5. G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra - $8 million. Goodbye, final blockbuster summer movie of the year! See you again as an even more poorly-reviewed sequel!
Weekend Box Office Results [Box Office Mojo]
Aug 24 2009 'Inglourious Basterds' Prove Nazi Killin' Profitable
The weekend's box office top five as determined by man:
1. Inglourious Basterds - $37.6 million, Quentin Tarentino's biggest opening weekend and his first film to feature Mike Myers in any capacity. That can't be a coincidence.
2. District 9 - $18.9 million. Between Nazis and aliens, this weekend's top moneymakers were chock-full of groups I will always consider enemy.
3. G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra - $12.5 million. You may think I forgot to include Cobra in the above list of groups I will always consider enemy, but that's not the case. Remember when Roadblock and Cobra Commander were helping each other out in the 1987 animated G.I. Joe movie? Cobra Commander seemed like a decent enough guy for a while there.
4. The Time Traveler's Wife - $10 million in ticket sales, with another reported $4 million for selling photos of the Time Traveler's Newborn Baby to Us Weekly.
5. Julie & Julia - $9 million, holding Robert Rodriguez's Shorts down at 6th and ensuring Kazaam remains the superior wish-granting kids' film.
Weekend Box Office Results [Box Office Mojo]
Aug 17 2009 Weekend Box Office Report: Everything with the Word 'District' in the Title Did Great
Sci-fi social commentary faced off against sci-fi marriage last weekend, and it's now clear we're far more likely to see a District 10 than we are a Time Traveler Jr.'s Wife:
1. District 9 - $37 million. That already makes back the $30 million budget, so now they can just waste the rest on snacks.
2. G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra - $22.5 million. Down almost 60% from opening weekend to be beaten by a film with 1/6th the budget? Maybe the inevitable G.I. Joe sequel can learn a lesson from this and be twice as loud next time.
3. The Time Traveler's Wife - $19.2 million. Really should have just focused on the time traveler himself; I would argue his ability to time travel makes him more interesting than the wife, in a way.
4. Julie & Julia - $12.4 million. Probably could have made twice as much if they'd done it like Kill Bill and released Julie as one movie and Julia a few months later.
5. G-Force - $6.9 million. Shouldn't this movie be screaming for me to buy it on Disney DVD and Blu-ray by now?
Weekend Box Office Results [Box Office Mojo]
Aug 11 2009 'G.I. Joe' Still Really Popular Even When It Scarcely Resembles Its Original Form
Sorry, guys, Daddy had a doctor's appointment this morning and it took much longer than expected to get the news I'm not entirely dying. Anyway, let's get the weekend's box office numbers out of the way:
1. G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra - $54.7 million, thanks to Transformers paving the way for basically anything with a lot of action and an '80s toyline to make a ton of money.
2. Julie & Julia - $20 million, though if the film encouraged just one person to go home and cook a nice meal, that's worth more in a way. In a really stupid way, where a night of pork chops is worth over $20 million.
3. G-Force - $9.9 million. I liked how the guinea pigs talked.
4. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince - $8.9 million. Clearly our most profitable magic user.
5. Funny People - $8 million, narrowly beating Standard People.
Weekend Box Office Results [Box Office Mojo]
Aug 4 2009 Portrait of Destro's Metal Head
With less than a week before the release of G.I. Joe, director Stephen Sommers has decided to slap up with some concept art to show that Destro, the character traditionally depicted as a man with a metal head, will indeed look like a man with a metal head (and apparently less like the Legends of the Hidden Temple face than previously thought). Now let's just hope the faithfulness of keeping him in the metal headpiece won't detract from the realism of militant ninjas and guys in super-suits jumping through buses.
Jul 28 2009 What a Live-Action 'G.I. Joe' Movie Should Look Like
With the addition of a couple ninjas, a lady in a leather catsuit, and some bad guys with metal heads, this seven-minute battle would capture the spirit of G.I. Joe far better than anything I've seen in the trailers for the upcoming film. Just the kind of laser and missile-filled war I was envisioning as I positioned the rival forces of Joe and Cobra along opposite ends of the coffee table.
The clip is from the hard-to-find classic Megaforce, also notable for starring Barry Bostwick and having one of the greatest theme songs ever recorded:
Continue Reading " What a Live-Action 'G.I. Joe' Movie Should Look Like "
Jun 17 2009 Extended 'G.I. Joe' TV Spot: Will There Be Slow, Deliberate Clapping Too?
Just in case you were wondering if the G.I. Joe movie would work in the "Real American Hero" slogan in a really sarcastic way...
Yes! It does!
(via ComingSoon).
Jun 15 2009 'G.I. Joe' Poster: Could We Switch the Head on That Butt?
Left: old poster with windswept, monstrous face. Right: new poster with sneering, human face.
Winner: Adobe Photoshop digital manipulation software.
Full new poster below the cut.
Continue Reading " 'G.I. Joe' Poster: Could We Switch the Head on That Butt? "
May 27 2009 'G.I. Joe' Poster: What Exactly Happened to Sienna Miller's Face?
That is not Sienna Miller's face. That's a hybrid of Maggie Gyllenhaal, Joan Rivers, and a 7th grader's carefully-shaded pencil drawing of a woman with an afterthought of sunglasses. It's not Sienna Miller and it might not be human.
At least Channing Tatum captured the proper listless melancholy of being in an elite military team. Driving awesome vehicles with ridiculously powerful weapons may be cool, but there's also a sadness that comes with it. There's a reason the Duke action figure comes with a rocket launcher and a poetry notebook.
G.I. Joe International Poster [Empire]
Apr 30 2009 New 'G.I. Joe' Trailer: Many Things Wrong Here
G.I. Joe cartoons were, primarily, extended advertisements for toys. As a kid, you see this guy with a metal face riding in an awesome missile launcher, you want to play with those things, and you beg your parents until they buy them, and then you watch more of the cartoon so that you understand who should be firing what at who. Everyone but parents win. And I think that's a fine system. If the new G.I. Joe movie was a big commercial for new toys, I'd be alright with that.
But it's not. It's more like an infomercial for crappy, black Iron Man suits that let you dodge things Matrix style:
Continue Reading " New 'G.I. Joe' Trailer: Many Things Wrong Here "
Mar 26 2009 Have a Better Look at Cobra Commander's Stupid Encased Head
The G.I. Joe forum HissTank has posted some new shots of the Cobra Commander toy, complete with head enclosure, fashion trenchcoat, "M.A.R.S. Industries radical exponential nano-injector system", and a snake. Some questions:
1. Look, I understand that sometimes comic book and cartoon visuals have to be reeled in for the big screen, but why replace the character's traditional, relatively humble metal mask (or sometimes hood) with this far more outlandish Terminator skull respirator?
2. Is this head thing metal or glass? I really can't tell. The photo makes it look metallic, but on the toy I can clearly see his Freddy Krueger head. Plus, the toy's included file card notes that Cobra Commander's "mask covers disfiguring damage from a fiery accident," so if it's transparent, it's doing its job horribly. Unless it's like those Transitions lenses.
3. When Cobra Commander got out of the surgery or whatever to put his head in this thing, was he not like, "Was I not clear that half the point of the mask was to make my horribly disfigured face slightly less repulsive? So why did you give me the nose of the FernGully bat? Come on, guys."
(Thanks, MachineGunEtiquette.)
Feb 19 2009 'G.I. Joe' Action Figure Revelations
Wizard has posted photos of the G.I. Joe action figure line-up, all of which come with a giant sexual torture accessory. Some thoughts:
- This is our first look at The Mummy as Zartan, the Master of Disguise, right? Weird that his "disguise" is "guy who bought one of those idiotic hats at H&M."
- Wait, Shipwreck is in this thing? And he still has the bird?!
- Channing Tatum somehow looks like even more of a turd when made of plastic.
Did I miss anything?
Feb 13 2009 Destro Has Metal Head; Cobra Commander Has Glass, Tube-Covered Enclosure
Wasn't the rationale behind the Joe team all wearing black, uniform, plated armor that it would somehow be more realistic? I'm not sure how replacing Cobra Commander's hood with a pig-nosed glass helmet fits in with that. When did looking like you belong in the Star Wars cantina scene become the height of realism?
Then again, that Duke looks nothing like the buzz-cutted, cretinous head of Channing Tatum either, so maybe the packaging for squat, stylized, infant toys isn't the best way to evaluate a movie anyway.
Cobra Commander From Sommers' G.I. JOE Movie Revealed, Sorta!! [AICN]
Feb 2 2009 'G.I Joe' Super Bowl Spot
The problem with ninjas is you always want more ninja action. As soon as they gave me a little ninja, I just ended up wanting more ninja, even though it's only a 30-second commercial that already has quite a bit of ninja content. My thinking is, if a film has ninjas, why bother with anything non-ninja? That's why I'm always better off watching Lethal Ninja. But anyway:
Jan 29 2009 Storm Shadow Has This Great Sword Move
Coming Soon has added one more poster to the collection of G.I Joe character one-sheets, this one of Storm Shadow crossing his blades in a move that protects from attacks from the top and side, as well as the deadliest threat, Ninja Dracula. Classic defense.
Jan 27 2009 'G.I. Joe' Posters Using Classic Leather/Sparks/Debris Combo
Paramount has released five new posters for the G.I. Joe movie. Their concept: poorly-framed characters on the set of a car commercial, and things are blowing up. Enjoy:
Continue Reading " 'G.I. Joe' Posters Using Classic Leather/Sparks/Debris Combo "
Jan 23 2009 Destro's Mask: Revealed to a Degree!
This cover for G.I. Joe Movie Prequel #2, a comic that gives the backstory to the upcoming feature film, appears to either gives a first look at the metal mask of the villainous Destro or reveals that Cobra is planning a terrorist relaunch of Legends of the Hidden Temple.
Man, I bet in their version the final temple run would be even more bullshit than it already was.
G.I.Joe Comics From IDW For April 2009 [Toy News International] (via Coming Soon)
Jun 26 2008 Baroness Will Have Larger-Than-Expected Boobs
If you decide to give in to masochistic curiosity and pay to put a hit on your childhood nostalgia (by which I mean buy a ticket to G.I. Joe), a few questions will likely pass through your head before you're able to successfully slit your wrists with your seat's cupholder. "Why have I done this? Is Step Up really still talking? Are those really Sienna Miller's boobs, because I remember them being smaller when I looked at all those naked pictures of her?"
You may never get answers to the first two unless an usher can quickly fashion a tourniquet from a popcorn bucket, but I can help you with the last: No. No they aren't.
In an interview, the Baroness-playing actress revealed she had to wear breast enhancers for the role because director Stephen Sommers apparently has this really strange, unique fetish that causes him to prefer large boobs over smaller boobs. Weird, right? From the SF Gate:
She says, "(I wear a) tight black leather outfit. And much bigger boobs."They gave me these things that looked like chicken fillets. The director said, 'I'm gonna be honest, I like girls with big boobs,' and I don't have them so we made them bigger."
I don't know why the presence of bust enhancers would come as a surprise. We already saw that Scarlett is wearing them as armor.
Jun 25 2008 More 'G.I. Joe' Banners, Important Parts Marked in Red
It looks like the color scheme for G.I. Joe banner campaign is officially "black & white, with a dab of red drawing the eye to the least significant thing possible." These are the second and third posters (after this one!) highlighting a small feature on a weapon, and I'm starting to worry these details are being focused on because they're the best parts of the movie. G.I. Joe's goal is get a critic to say, "A ludicrous plot, wooden acting, and insane dialogue couldn't detract from the highly-detailed knobs, switches, and stripes adorning most of the weaponry. B-"
'G.I. Joe' Banners [Film 1]
Jun 23 2008 'G.I. Joe' Has a Subtitle, Cretinous Billboard
A billboard showing off G.I. Joe's new subtitle, Rise of the Cobra, has turned up at Cinema EXPO in Amsterdam (Woo! Amsterdam! Party!). If there was any lingering doubt that this is going to be the action figure-based movie equivalent of Schindler's List, allow me to direct your eyes to the poignant use of a single red element in the otherwise black & white image. Plus/minus gun knob is clearly the next girl in the red coat.
Poster: G.I. Joe - Rise of Cobra [Film 1]
