Jul 25 2007 RIP, 'Lives of Others' Dude
Ulrich Muhe, star of The Lives of Others (Das Leben der Anderen), is dead of stomach cancer today at the age of 54. It's a bummer, because I thought he gave one of the best performances in one of the best movies of last year.
On the plus side, at least he went out on top - starring in an Oscar-winning, bona-fide hit. Poor Raul Julia, his last film was Street Fighter. They even dedicated it to him. What a crappy epitaph. Let this be a lesson to you, Cuba Gooding.
Jul 24 2007 Norbit Director to Rock Jailhouse
"Look, kid: big-time acting isn't about 'feelings' or 'emotions', it's about funny costumes and talking loud. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm late for a shave."
Not content to rest on his laurels (what the hell is a laurel, anyway? Is it like a butt cheek? How come you never hear anyone say, 'Hey, check out the laurels on that broad,' or, 'Golly, I'd sure like to get all up in them laurels,'?) after directing Norbit and producing Wild Hogs, Brian Robbins has signed on to direct Jailhouse Rock, a true story based on "a musician-turned-detention officer at Arizona's Tent City who decides to hold an American Idol-type singing contest at the jail. Called Inmate Idle Singing Con-Test, the event became so popular that Alice Cooper himself showed up to judge the finals."
It's a Disney flick, so expect less forced dry anal and more Cuba Gooding (who's as charming as forced dry anal, coincidentally). But perhaps I should go easier on the B-man. He recently shot back at his critics:
He cannot -- for the life of him -- understand how a film like Norbit could score so well with audiences, yet be universally panned by critics. He says, "How do you figure that? Is the audience that stupid? Is America's taste that bad? I don't think so."
To answer his rhetorical question, yes, the audience is that stupid, and yes, America's taste is that bad. Has he never been to the YouTube comments section? As my friend Bret says, "It's like the internet is passing the microphone around at a global retard convention. 'And you, sir. Yes, the gentleman in the back without pants or a chin. Could you elucidate your feelings about a dozen topics you don't know shit about? And please, use as little punctuation as possible. Thank you.'"
So, yeah. Jailhouse Rock! Get excited!
Jul 13 2007 Cuba Gooding Jr.'s Career Circling the Bowl
Dear God, don't turn the camera sideways! ARRGGGGHHHH!
The brains behind Daddy Day Care apparently were so pleased with themselves that they decided to make a sequel, and the trailer's now online.
Oh boy. What can I say about this movie that hasn't already been said about the holocaust? Hey, remember when Cuba Gooding Jr. won an oscar? Since then he's been in Snow Dogs, Pearl Harbor, Boat Trip, and Norbit, among other things. I could wipe my ass with my resume after a big glass of Metamucil and it'd still have fewer turds on it than his (but probably more porn).
For the love of God, man, get a new agent. Burn the old one for fuel. It can't be fun making movies for the family-too-dumb-to-notice-something-sucks crowd.
PS - More like Cuba BAD-ing! Zing!
