Jul 19 2007 Tom Cruise is a Nazi, Homosexual
"Thetaaaaaaaaaan!!"
Okay, so mainly this is all just an excuse to repost this totally sweet picture of Tom Cruise and Col. Klink, but still. The first stills from Valkyrie have hit the web. You can tell Tom Cruise has really mastered the nazi art of leaning back on your heels and looking constipated.
In case you haven’t been reading (don’t act like you’ve got better things to do), Valkyrie is a song Wagner wrote about gay unicorns or some shit, and Valkyrie is the story of the German general who tried to assassinate Hitler, and marks the first re-teaming of director Bryan Singer and writer Chris McQuarrie since The Usual Suspects.
I’m not the biggest Cruise fan, but I’d sit through a two-hour Singer/McQuarrie movie about my own bowel movements. Then again, I’d probably sit through an Adam Shankman movie about my own bowel movements. What can I say, I’m fascinated by my own stool. Sue me.
Jul 3 2007 Germans Say 'Nein' to Cruise Once and For All
"Ve hate you, Tom Cruise." "Yah, like, stay avay from aur monuments."
After early reports that Cruise's alien worship were hindering Valkyrie's ability to get the necessary permits, and subsequent denials by German officials (apparently they're sensitive about the whole 'hating people for their religion' thing, go figure), the Finance Ministry has declined producers of the film permission to shoot at the Benderblock, a Defense Ministry building where German officer Claus Schenk Graf von Stauffenberg, played by Cruise in the film, was executed for attempting to assassinate Adolf Hitler.
A Finance Ministry spokesman said the memorial, a "place of remembrance and mourning, would lose dignity if we were to exploit it as a film set." Another request to shoot at a Berlin police station was rejected after "intensive review," according to a spokesman for the Berlin police department. "The adverse impact to the facility would be so grave that the request had to be denied."
And by adverse reaction, he no doubt meant the evil spirits of dead aliens bent on the destruction of Scientology's new closeted-homosexual messiah. On the plus side, "Benderblock" totally reminds me of "Bend the Block", which in turn reminds me of this kickass commercial with a funny Asian guy.
Jun 28 2007 Germans Deny Hatred of Scientology, Seem Less Cool
"Thetaaaaaaaaaan!!"
Despite previous reports that Germany had barred Valkyrie from shooting at government locations because of star Tom Cruise's outspoken beliefs in alien ghosts, German officials are now saying shooting was not banned at all. One of the locations houses part of the German defense ministry, and it was that, not thetans, that kept Valkyrie from getting permits.
If anything, it would be the lights and cables and camera teams that could disrupt work at the Defense Ministry, [German official]Kuehnau said, adding that if an arrangement is found where filming does not interfere with government business, a filming permit should be no problem.
Kuehnau added, "And anozza sing, zat whole 'holocaust' story vas vay, vay offablown."
Valkyrie, the story of Claus Schenk Graf von Stauffenberg, a national hero who was executed in 1944 for attempting to assassinate Adolf Hitler, was written by Christopher McQuarrie and Nathan Alexander and will be directed by Bryan Singer. Bryan Singer, Chris McQuarrie, and Nazis? Shit, I'll see that even if mormons are in it.
