Oct 12 2009 Bryan Singer Wouldn't Mind Doing Those 'X-Men' Movies Some More

That last X-Men movie: that was a real stinker, eh? That was the kind of shitcake X-Man that makes you really appreciate the X-Men movies you used to have in the old days (between 2000 and 2003). Doesn't it?

Bryan Singer must realize that too--that his two pretty-decent X-Men films are looking a lot better in this post-The Last Stand era. Good enough, he's hoping, that we might be able to overlook how flat-out unmemorable Superman Returns was if he were to make another pretty-decent X-Man:

"I'm still looking to possibly returning to the 'X-Men' franchise. I've been talking to Fox about it," Singer said at a talk at the Pusan International Film Festival.

"I love Hugh Jackman. [ed. note: Who???] I love the cast," he said, referring to the Australian actor who plays Wolverine [ed. note: Oh, him].

Singer said he enjoyed making science fiction and fantasy movies because they allowed him to discuss serious issues through entertainment.

He said he likes to "trick audiences into thinking they're seeing fireworks, but they're learning about themselves and listening to what I have to say."

You may have tricked me into thinking I was seeing fireworks, Singer, but I've got news for you: I didn't listen to anything you said, and I've learned nothing about myself. So who's ahead now? You tell me. I'm not listening.

Bryan Singer wants more 'X-Men' [THR]

Aug 21 2009 Bryan Singer to Re-Document Europe's Greatest Sword

Bryan Singer, the man working a confusing reimagining of Battlestar Galactica that disregards Sci Fi's already-reimagined Battlestar Galactica, has announced his intentions for further remaking:

Warner Bros. and Bryan Singer are unsheathing "Excalibur," redoing the 1981 John Boorman movie about King Arthur and the Knights of the Roundtable.

The project is still in the early stages, with Warners only tying up the remake rights, which it shares with Boorman. Singer's involvement is still in the talking stage and Legendary Pictures may come aboard the project.

The 1981 movie starred Nigel Terry as Arthur and Cherie Lunghi as Guenevere and featured early performances from Liam Neeson, Patrick Stewart and Gabriel Byrne. The movie told the well-known myth, in a gritty and dramatic fashion, of the young man who draws the sword Excalibur from a stone, is mentored by Merlin, establishes Camelot, loses his wife, Guenevere, to his best friend, Lancelot, and engages in the quest for the Holy Grail.

Now, I don't understand legal mumbo jumbo (I understand it so little that when I say "legal mumbo jumbo," I shake my hands around and kind of make a goofy face, to show how little I understand it), but it seems weird that you'd need the rights to remake Excalibur. Isn't the plot straight-up Arthurian legend? I'm pretty sure you could remake Excalibur and just not tell anyone you've remade Excalibur and, unless you used the exact same script, probably no one would call it out. And if someone did, just say, "Actually, no, this is not a rip-off of Excalibur; my film is influenced by the '90s animated series King Arthur and the Knights of Justice, only I took out the part where Arthur and his knights were all high school football players from the future."

Aug 14 2009 Finally, a Re-Imagining of 'Battlestar Galactica'

You'd really think someone would have put together an updated version of the 1978 series Battlestar Galactica by now, creating both a critical and ratings success for whatever thematically-appropriate cable network might have picked it up, but seeing that obviously no one has done that, Universal has attached Bryan Singer to write and produce a completely re-imagined BSG film. Says The Hollywood Reporter:

The deal hyper-jumps the development of "Galactica," for which Universal quietly picked up the movie rights in February from original show creator Glen A. Larson as the lauded Sci Fi series was wrapping up.

The deal also brings Singer back to a project he was close to getting off the ground at the beginning of the decade. Singer and Tom DeSanto were developing with USA for Fox TV a backdoor pilot that was intended to be a sequel to the 1978 series, but those were shelved after the attacks of Sept. 11.

(The premise involved a human civilization on 12 planets decimated from an attack by intelligent robots known as Cylons. Survivors are led by the starship Galactica in their attempt to find a mythic 13th planet named Earth.)

There is no script for the new "Galactica," though insiders have said the feature is to be a complete reimaginging and will stand separately.

Maybe something with Danny Trejo as some sort of space commander and Senator John McCain in an eye patch? Just some ideas. Completely original ideas.

Oct 31 2008 Final 'Valkyrie' Trailer Makes Hitler Assassination Fun

Here's the final trailer to Valkyrie, the Bryan Singer-directed, Tom Cruise-starring historical thriller about a German assassination plot against Hitler. The film looks well made, but I can't help but feel a lack of tension knowing that the plot fails (thanks for the spoilers, history). I hope, to keep things interesting, there's a second, "or what if THIS happened?" ending where we see the plan succeed and Hiter gets blown up. You know, just something tasteful, like the fuhrer sees the bomb and is like, "Ooooohhh shiiiiii--" and then you see an explosion as Tom Cruise rides up on a horse, Hitler's mustache floating gently in the sky (like that CGI feather in Forrest Gump), and Cruise says, "Let's get the heil outta here!"

Maybe for the DVD?

Continue Reading " Final 'Valkyrie' Trailer Makes Hitler Assassination Fun "

Sep 26 2008 'Valkyrie' Trailer is Good Enough to KILL HITLER

If you've been looking for a film full of Hiter killin', constant whispering, torturing mosquitos with cigarettes, and Tom Cruise's wild-(one)-eyed stares, Valkyrie is going to be your favorite. Check out the new trailer:

Continue Reading " 'Valkyrie' Trailer is Good Enough to KILL HITLER "

Sep 26 2008 'Valkyrie' Poster: Looks Like the New Season of 'Mad Men' Has Nazis

This is what you get when you MapQuest* "Tom Cruise, other stern men in suits."

*Never use Google Maps. You're always going to want that MapQuest.

Valkyrie Poster [IMPA]

Apr 1 2008 New Eye-Patched 'Valkyrie' Shots

Empire Magazine has some exclusive new shots from Valkyrie, Bryan Singer's mostly-true story of an assassination attempt against Hitler. In this shot, Tom Cruise (playing the depth-perceptionless Claus Von Stauffenberg) gets romantic with a certain criminal globetrotter (and occasional time traveler).

So do you think this minor disability will be enough to get Tom Cruise an Oscar nomination, or should have also had a peg leg or a lisp or something?

New Valkyrie Pictures [Empire]

Nov 8 2007 'Valkyrie' Trailer Showcases Smug Cruise

Man, I knew Tom Cruise had gotten pretty smug after acquiring a fake wife slave and a perfectly genetically-engineered infant, but I figured we'd hit a smugness plateau. It turns out, as the trailer for Valkyrie shows, it wasn't even close.

But what could possibly make Tom Cruise act more arrogant than sucking the soul from a promising young actress, breathing it into a fine porcelain doll, and parading around the results like a real family? Little more than a Nazi uniform, an eyepatch, and a sharply-parted and gelled perm.

Thankfully, such self-importance actually works for the role, in which Cruise plays a Nazi convinced he can take down Hitler and his regime with the help of Kenneth Branagh, Terence Stamp, Bill Nighy, and others that make Cruise look like the spring chicken he recalls in his daily viewings of Top Gun. Bryan Singer might have a winner on his hands.

Valkyrie Trailer [Yahoo!]

Nov 7 2007 'Valkyrie' Featurette Now High Quality

Astute readers, and those obsessed with Entertainment Tonight, may realize this featurette for Valkyrie was already released on ET and posted a month ago. But this new version has two distinct advantages:

First, it does not contain a preamble by Mary Hart or the ear-shattering theme music that announces to your neighbors the shame of you watching Entertainment Tonight.

Second, this version is much higher quality (even available on the fabled HD format!), allowing you to really make out the details of Tom Cruise as a happy pirate nazi, which will clearly be the next big internet meme once people get sick of robot zombie unicorns.

Valkyrie Featurette [Apple]

Oct 22 2007 'Superman Returns' Writers Not Returning

Superman Returns writers Michael Dougherty and Dan Harris have decided not to come back to write Superman Returns Returns, leading to questions of if Bryan Singer will still direct and leaving Warner scrambling to take pitches from other potential writers. Here's what I've come up with:

- Lex Luthor shoots a special beam into the ocean that radically increases the number of great white sharks, while also giving them Kryptonite teeth. Superman has to fight these sharks, frequently employing a technique where he spins one shark around by its tail, using it to hit other sharks.

- It's discovered that a Kryptonian great white shark, orphaned like Superman, was raised by Earth sharks. Superman has to stop this shark's bullet-speed ravaging of a public beach, but it's hard because it's a Supershark, making it the equivalent battle of an Earth guy fighting an Earth shark. Very humanizing.

- Superman loses his powers, then has to fight a shark.

- Superman finds a new supervillain terrorizing the city with his giant teeth, massive size, and fins.

Any I missed?

'Superman' writers won't return [Variety]

Jul 19 2007 Tom Cruise is a Nazi, Homosexual

"Thetaaaaaaaaaan!!"

Okay, so mainly this is all just an excuse to repost this totally sweet picture of Tom Cruise and Col. Klink, but still. The first stills from Valkyrie have hit the web. You can tell Tom Cruise has really mastered the nazi art of leaning back on your heels and looking constipated.

In case you haven’t been reading (don’t act like you’ve got better things to do), Valkyrie is a song Wagner wrote about gay unicorns or some shit, and Valkyrie is the story of the German general who tried to assassinate Hitler, and marks the first re-teaming of director Bryan Singer and writer Chris McQuarrie since The Usual Suspects.

I’m not the biggest Cruise fan, but I’d sit through a two-hour Singer/McQuarrie movie about my own bowel movements. Then again, I’d probably sit through an Adam Shankman movie about my own bowel movements. What can I say, I’m fascinated by my own stool. Sue me.

Jul 3 2007 Germans Say 'Nein' to Cruise Once and For All

"Ve hate you, Tom Cruise." "Yah, like, stay avay from aur monuments."

After early reports that Cruise's alien worship were hindering Valkyrie's ability to get the necessary permits, and subsequent denials by German officials (apparently they're sensitive about the whole 'hating people for their religion' thing, go figure), the Finance Ministry has declined producers of the film permission to shoot at the Benderblock, a Defense Ministry building where German officer Claus Schenk Graf von Stauffenberg, played by Cruise in the film, was executed for attempting to assassinate Adolf Hitler.

A Finance Ministry spokesman said the memorial, a "place of remembrance and mourning, would lose dignity if we were to exploit it as a film set." Another request to shoot at a Berlin police station was rejected after "intensive review," according to a spokesman for the Berlin police department. "The adverse impact to the facility would be so grave that the request had to be denied."

And by adverse reaction, he no doubt meant the evil spirits of dead aliens bent on the destruction of Scientology's new closeted-homosexual messiah. On the plus side, "Benderblock" totally reminds me of "Bend the Block", which in turn reminds me of this kickass commercial with a funny Asian guy.

Source

Jun 28 2007 Germans Deny Hatred of Scientology, Seem Less Cool

"Thetaaaaaaaaaan!!"

Despite previous reports that Germany had barred Valkyrie from shooting at government locations because of star Tom Cruise's outspoken beliefs in alien ghosts, German officials are now saying shooting was not banned at all. One of the locations houses part of the German defense ministry, and it was that, not thetans, that kept Valkyrie from getting permits.

If anything, it would be the lights and cables and camera teams that could disrupt work at the Defense Ministry, [German official]Kuehnau said, adding that if an arrangement is found where filming does not interfere with government business, a filming permit should be no problem.

Kuehnau added, "And anozza sing, zat whole 'holocaust' story vas vay, vay offablown."

Valkyrie, the story of Claus Schenk Graf von Stauffenberg, a national hero who was executed in 1944 for attempting to assassinate Adolf Hitler, was written by Christopher McQuarrie and Nathan Alexander and will be directed by Bryan Singer. Bryan Singer, Chris McQuarrie, and Nazis? Shit, I'll see that even if mormons are in it.

Source