Nov 17 2009 They Forgot To Put the Film's Name on the 'Salt' Poster
Oh, no, there it is.
Salt poster [JoBlo]
Nov 4 2009 'Salt' Trailer: Angelina the Spy
Next summer, only one film will combine the action and thrills of a Bourne film with the girlish fun of dying your hair and dressing up in different sexy outfits: Salt! Starring Angelina Jolie as: Salt!
Here's your trailer.
Mar 3 2009 Angelina Jolie is a Master of Disguise
Cashing in on the recent popularity of kitchen staple-based films, here are the first shots from Salt, which Columbia Pictures describes as such:
Angelina Jolie stars as Evelyn Salt, a CIA officer who swore an oath to duty, honor, and country. When she is accused by a defector of being a Russian sleeper spy, Salt goes on the run to clear her name and ultimately prove she is a patriot. Using all her skills and years of experience as a covert operative, she must elude capture and protect her husband or the world's most powerful forces will erase any trace of her existence.
They'll never catch Salt; her covert skills are too impressive. She can change hairstyles, coats, shift positions slightly--all the good spy tricks. By the time the feds realize she's on this rooftop, she will be gone. Or at least she'll be wearing a parka and red wig and turned 180 degrees, which is just as effective.
First Look at Angelina Jolie in Salt [Coming Soon]
Sep 24 2008 Angelina Jolie's Giant Head Promotes 'Changeling' in France
Somewhere, there's a vorarephilic kid getting so turned on right now.
Changeling Poster [IMPA]
Sep 12 2008 'Changeling' Trailer Does Not Contain Awesome CGI Morphing
When the LAPD returns Angelina Jolie-character's lost son to her, she thinks it's a dream come true. That is, until she realizes, "Wait a minute, LAPD, this isn't my kid! This is a trained dolphin you've put in a special land suit and boy costume!" But, of course, the corrupt LAPD is like, "No, that is definitely your son, and even if it were a dolphin in a special land suit, dolphins are very intelligent creatures, and you should be marveling that we've found a way to make it walk on land as if it's a boy." This argument goes back and forth for the length of a movie, and that's the movie, Changeling.
Sounds good, right? Except that they took out the dolphin part. It's just a lady whining about having the wrong human son. Isn't that a let down? Even though Clint Eastwood directed this, so it will probably be decent and up for some awards, it's always going to have that "why isn't there a dolphin in a land suit?" cloud looming over its accolades. Here's the trailer:
Continue Reading " 'Changeling' Trailer Does Not Contain Awesome CGI Morphing "
Aug 12 2008 Jolie Replaces Cruise in 'Salt', Will Require Pronoun Overhaul
Hollywood is so progressive, man. Tom Cruise was going to star in this spy movie, but then Hollywood was all, "How about Angelina Jolie instead? Because gender does not matter, at least compared to how many adorable infants you've had on the cover of magazines, and Jolie's got that one in the bag." From Variety:
"Edwin A. Salt" is about to undergo a gender change.Once expected to star Tom Cruise, the Columbia Pictures espionage thriller will be redrafted by screenwriter Kurt Wimmer as a star vehicle for Angelina Jolie. Philip Noyce remains attached as director and Lorenzo di Bonaventura and Sunil Perkash are producing.
Jolie is close to a deal to play the title character, a CIA officer who's accused by a defector of being a Russian sleeper spy and must elude capture long enough to establish her innocence.
Thank god someone has finally broken through the glass ceiling specific to the movie Edwin A. Salt, which will now presumably be renamed something with a woman's name.
Jul 31 2008 Angelina Jolie Might Own Catwoman Part (Says Irrelevant Drag Queen Idol)
Angelina Jolie is reportedly looking to somehow replace Halle Berry's indelible depiction of Catwoman, and has made calls to film executives about playing the Batman villain. A respectable periodical like the Telegraph wouldn't run a sensational story like this without checking some facts, so they went straight the source to clear things up. No, not Angelina Jolie or Dark Knight director Christopher Nolan. Julie Newmar--one of three women who played Catwoman in the '60s:
Ms Newmar, 74, said: "Angelina would own the part. My industry friends tell me she has already made enquiries about the role. I can understand how it would pique her interest. Catwoman is Batman's one true love."She added: "She's tremendously popular with women because she's both a heroine and a villainess."
So there you have it. Angelina Jolie will be playing Catwoman, who is popular with women for two reasons.
(Thanks, Joshua.)
Jun 3 2008 New 'Wanted' Trailer Assumes I've Never Used the Internet
Of all the ludicrous things seen in this trailer--cars flipping and landing, bullets curving with special bullet mind control, Angelina Jolie not within arm-reach of a child--the most unbelievable and insulting is that we're supposed to swallow that a Google search for "Wesley Gibson" would turn up no results (and it's not even in quotes!). Give me a break, Wanted. I'm willing to tolerate breaking every known physical law in the name of mindless entertainment, but this is too much.
Continue Reading " New 'Wanted' Trailer Assumes I've Never Used the Internet "
Apr 25 2008 Angelina Jolie 'Wanted' Poster is Very Artistic
I think it's really cool that the producers of Wanted gave a freshman photography major the chance try out their new roll of black & white film to make a poster. I'm just confused as to why there isn't a single, dramatically-placed rose or the playful dancing of cigarette smoke. That would be so symbolic of something.
Apr 22 2008 'Wanted' NYCC Poster: Behold the Dangers of Anorexia
At the New York Comic Con this weekend, some lucky attendees were given the above poster to sell off on eBay. It's kind of surprising she can hold up a giant gun with that spindly, malnourished arm, isn't it? Also kind of surprising: where that knee is coming from.
NY Con Wanted Poster [JoBlo]
Mar 6 2008 'Wanted' Trailer Continues Quest to be 'The Matrix'
As I've mentioned before, I have an open but shameful love of Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle. It definitely has its flaws, but I admire it's commitment to cheesecake antics and its resolute defiance in the face of logic and physical laws. (Make no mistake--I still think director McG is a turd.)
From the looks of this second trailer, Wanted tries to get by on the same combination of sex appeal and physics-defying action as Full Throttle, but makes the mistake of trying to rationalize its absurdity. Like The Matrix, the explanation relies on being part of a select group of world-manipulators--or something like that--a skill demonstrated through the usual method of countless slow-motion bullets. Or, to be more precise, slow-motion bullets with the word "goodbye" etched on the side. Because that's totally sweet, right?
Continue Reading " 'Wanted' Trailer Continues Quest to be 'The Matrix' "
Feb 12 2008 'Kung Fu Panda' Trailer is Big, Clumsy
Like pretty much all of Dreamworks Animation's efforts, Kung Fu Panda must have began with the great idea of getting big name voice cast to take on the roles of goofy animated animals. They succeeded in this noble effort, getting Jack Black, Dustin Hoffman, Jackie Chan, and Angelina Jolie to star, but it seems like that's all there is to it.
Outside of hearing stars' disembodied voices, the film relies entirely on the premise that it's hilarious how fat and clumsy this schlub is. It might be moderately funny the first time, but how many times can you watch a cartoon panda fall over and laugh? I hope your answer is at least seven times, twice in slow motion, because that's pretty much all the content you're going to find here.
I watched this thing several times, and I've determined it's impossible not to roll your eyes when "Kung Fu Fighting" starts playing. And remember the end of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (and Turtles II: Secret of the Ooze), when Master Splinter finally breaks his solemn facade to give the audience a long-awaited "cowabunga"? Well, I don't want to ruin anything, but get ready to laugh--again!
Nov 20 2007 Angelina Jolie Sort of Naked in 'Beowulf'
I don't fully understand all the excitement surrounding Angelina Jolie's computer-animated nude scene in Beowulf. Actual pictures and video of her naked, younger, and less preachy already exist, so why the hoopla over an animated version with soulless eyes, an unidentifiable accent, and the "liquid cool" of Capri Sun covering her swimsuit parts?
But if you're interested, a bootlegger has done you the honor, and the full scene is under the cut until authorities remove it.
Continue Reading " Angelina Jolie Sort of Naked in 'Beowulf' "
Oct 31 2007 'Wanted' Trailer Evokes Sleek Sunglasses, Trenchcoats
Wanted seems to be trying to create a new genre of "movie about a cubical worker who finds out he's one of the few able to use special powers with bullet-time effects, then becomes an awesome shoot-em-up expert with a hot lady counterpart and a wise black master, but isn't The Matrix."
If so, they've really nailed it.
Wanted Trailer [Yahoo!]
Oct 29 2007 'Wanted' Shots Indulge Male Fantasies
If there's one thing beer advertisements have taught us--besides to drink beer--it's that nothing sells better than indulging the fantasies of the adolescent male mind, better known as the testicle.
This can be seen above in this new shot from Wanted, where Angelina Jolie hanging out of a sports car shooting a giant gun hammers home the typical male fantasy more than a subscription to FHM.
Based on the comic, the film stars James McAvoy as the regular, identifiable guy who joins a secret assassin agency that trains him to unlock his hidden powers. Jolie play the hot, badass babe.
First Pictures of Wanted [Empire]
Oct 29 2007 'Kung Fu Panda' Trailer Panders Fast as Lightning
It looks like Dreamworks is already sending out their cease and desists, but for the time being, you can check out the teaser trailer to their latest CGI masterpiece, Kung Fu Panda (AKA Shrek the Panda) at /Film.
I never understand why they forcibly remove the free advertising they're getting. It's like they don't want us to see how they got the lead voice actor, Jack Black, to ham it up in live-action antics, like Seinfeld with Bee Movie only even more patronizing. Or how they cleverly found a little-known Kung Fu-themed song, "Kung Fu Fighting," to subtlely broadcast that, indeed, this movie does involve Kung Fu.
Kung Fu Panda Teaser Trailer [/Film]
Oct 16 2007 Angelina Jolie Being Old-Fashioney in 'Changeling'
It's common knowledge that, within a decade, Angelina Jolie will find a way to travel back to the '20s and rescue all of the little newsy-style orphan street urchins of the era, forever ending the desperate cries of "Extra, Extra!" But until that time comes, here is a teaser in the form of shots from the set of The Changeling. The Clint Eastwood picture sees Jolie as a '20s dame whose child is abducted. After its safe return, she begins to suspect the LAPD has replaced her infant with another, like a prohibition-era Punk'd.
With a name like The Changeling, is anyone else disappointed the child doesn't start morphing into different people and animals?
JOLIE DEBUTS NEW LOOK [Faded Youth]
Jul 26 2007 Beowulf Trailer Makes Me Feel Old
The light emanating from my crotch is both intense and celestial. Bask in it, Angelina. BASK FOR ALL YOU'RE WORTH!
As you may have already inferred from the title of this post or your clairvoyant turtle, the trailer for Beowulf is now online.
I know Zemeckis totally has a boner for this live actiony animation stuff, probably because he's getting too lazy to properly film shit in his old age, but much as I try to keep an open mind, I hate it. It's not real enough to make me think I'm looking at real people, and it's not stylized enough to look cool as animation. Why the hell do I want to watch something drawn by people who aren't good enough to draw it freehand? "Hey, look what I drew on this tracing paper!" "Good job, that looks almost exactly like Garfield, and you managed not to eat the crayon this time."
It just looks like one of those stupid computer games where your little character walks around town and you start killing everybody because they're not real and watching them die is the only thing that's interesting. But then you can't make it to the next level because the object of the game was to make their crops grow and instead you brutally slaughtered them. I think Mao had the same problem.
Jul 2 2007 Beowulf and the Adventures of Sideboob
Beowulf's script was etched into stone tablets and storyboarded on a cave wall
Posters for Beowulf have hit the web and they're pretty underwhelming, save for some Angelina Jolie sideboob action, which I'm always down for. Neil Gaiman (hee hee, more like Neil Gay Man, zing!) wrote the script, which has Ray Winstone, Robin Wright Penn, John Malkovich, Anthony Hopkins, and Crispin Glover. I'm pretty excited for it. Maybe not guy getting hit in the nuts with a fish excited, but excited none the less.
