Mar 6 2007 G.I. Joe Movie Planned with Wahlberg?
As the '80s toyline/cartoon series movie trend becomes the new superhero movie trend of Hollywood, producer Lorenzo di Bonaventura has revealed that following the release of Transformers, he has plans to immediately begin work on a big-screen adaptation of G.I. Joe. Mark Wahlberg, who has worked with di Bonvaventura on Shooter and Four Brothers, is already being mentioned for the role of G.I. Joe team leader, Duke, a widely-acknowledged real American hero.
No word yet on specifically how this pleasant memory of childhood will be butchered, but I'm imagining the terrorist outfit Cobra will be altered to reflect current threats, possibly renamed Al Qobra, and I'm assuming Larry the Cable Guy will have a supporting role as the "goofy but dependable explosives expert who's always eager to 'Git 'er done.'"
Feb 28 2007 Next Weekend at Bernie's
If you remember Weekend at Bernie's, you'll recall wasting your time and money watching a couple of retards move their boss's corpse around for a weekend of physical comedy. As a warning, some jerks are about to try to get you to repeat the process by watching Next Weekend at Bernie's, which is exactly the same as Weekend at Bernie's save for two differences:
1. Instead of the beach house of the original, Bernie invites the two guys to his ski lodge, meaning we'll probably be seeing a skiing corpse at least once.
2. This time I know Bernie's dead, so these two guys are not going to fool me again by putting sunglasses on him and leaning him against something.
NOTE: No, you didn't imagine the box office flop Weekend at Bernie's II. This is in addition to that.
