Having already answered to Neil deGrasse Tyson inquiry into Titanic's astronomical errors, James Cameron turned to the Mythbusters team to figure out his film's arguably more-pertinent scientific question: could DiCaprio have fit on the plank alongside Kate Winslet, and thus not froze to death? Because it kind of looks like he could have. Their findings? Rose is basically a board-hogging murderer who should hate herself forever.
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You've seen Titanic updated with 3D and a more scientifically-accurate night sky; now, see the 1997 classic with its most technologically-amazing upgrade yet: the addition of former Law & Order star Jeremy Sisto. In this just-released Kate Winslet screen test--included on the Titanic Blu-ray, out today!--have a glimpse of an awkward pairing that could have been with eight minutes of Winslet acting opposite Sisto's flat, charisma-devoid take on Jack. It's pretty weird.
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We thought the U.S. had it good with a three-dimensional Titanic with scientifically-accurate starfields, but as it turns out, South Korea is experiencing romance, non-diegetic Celine Dion, and sinking boats just a little more realistically than us. THEY'RE EXPERIENCING IT IN 4DX.
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Over the course of this two-minute video, you will learn an important, previously-overlooked truth about the year of Titanic's release. Strangely, that truth involves the one time Danny Glover and Joe Pesci decided they should hang out together without Mel Gibson.
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If you venture out to see Titanic's 3D re-release this month, make sure to pay special attention to the 3D stars shining in the night sky like Billy Zane's eyes beaming from behind his eyeliner: Neil deGrasse Tyson went through a lot of trouble to make sure director James Cameron made those stars as scientifically accurate as DiCaprio's drawing of a boob.
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Titanic is headed back to theaters this April, so to remind anyone who's forgotten what Titanic is, there's now a special trailer for the 3D release. And in an introduction by James Cameron, the director thanks us (again?) for being true to Titanic, closing his awkward message with the words, "Thanks again for staying true to Titanic." I think I speak for us all when I respond: No problem, Jim. We would never dream of being untrue to Titanic. We will always be true to Titanic, no matter what the fuck you mean by that.
Also, if it wasn't clear, this trailer is not 3D, so you'll just have to imagine the visuals surrounding you like the wailing of Celine Dion.
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- Here's the poster for James Cameron's 3D re-release of Titanic. Jokes about knowing how it ends now hold twice as much weight!
- The Hollywood Foreign Press Association is reportedly split on whether to allow Ricky Gervais to once again host the Golden Globes. The other option is apparently to not have any host at all, as God gave us but one precious Crystal.
- David Gordon Green is going to take a break from doing '80s-style adventure-comedies and shoot an adaptation of Q, Evan Mandery's recently-released novel about a man whose future self seemingly travels back in time to keep him from marrying the love of his life. Surely that plot already happened in a Married... with Children fantasy sequence that ended with Al reluctantly grateful for Peg.
- It's not as bad as cancellation, but word that Community has been pulled from NBC's midseason lineups certainly isn't good news for fans, either. But on the bright side, all 22 episodes of the third season will reportedly be shot and aired, so we should at least be able to get a few more GIFs out of this.
When you watched Titanic, wasn't it so stupid how Leonardo DiCaprio's drawing wasn't distinctly in the foreground of a distant background of naked Kate Winslet? Of course it was--emphasis on "was," because it soon won't be: James Cameron is going take some computers to that fucker and make it into a three-dimensional epic he can later sell with Avatar in a 3-D cliched-romantic-adventure two-pack.
In a story about Old Lady Version of Rose's recent 100th birthday party (happy birthday, Old Lady Version of Rose!), the LA Times off-handedly mentions Cameron is "converting the blockbuster into 3-D for re-release in April 2012"--no doubt hoping to push a second film over the $2 billion mark, again making himself Hollywood's Employee of the Month.
The release will coincide with the 100th anniversary of the Titanic sinking, which is clever timing. And it should also work out well that, by then, Titanic 2 fandom will have surely reached fever pitch.
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Welp, James Cameron finally managed to beat that boat movie he made. It's official: Avatar, which is sort of a sci-fi thing that's currently playing in theaters, has surpassed Titanic's worldwide box office, with a $1.859 billion total so far. Of course, Tooth Fairy is just gaining momentum, so...
It should also be noted that Cameron's film only holds the highest grossing title if you don't adjust for inflation; otherwise, Gone with the Wind still takes the top spot. And if you adjust for highest grossing film that most guys have gotten a date to second or third base in, sorry, Avatar, it's still the 2000 Ben Affleck/Gwyneth Paltrow film Bounce.
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