Like the Resident Evil franchise, fellow video game-based series Silent Hill continues to, unchecked, expand and develop new, ambiguous subtitles to put in theaters. The newest is Silent Hill: Revelation 3D, which--despite the possible implications of the "3" in "3D"--is just the second film in the series but draws its inspiration from the third game, which is actually more a proper sequel to the first game than the second game was. Okay? Anyway, the film now has a trailer, and according to the Silent Hill superfan I keep on retainer for just such nerdy occasions, it appears to show a surprising faithfulness to its source, right down to the details. So get excited, Silent Hill fans: all your favorite cutscenes have been re-created and improved by the addition of Malcolm McDowell.
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Starring Christian Slater, Ving Rhames, Sean Bean, Dominic Monaghan, and a mercifully-uncredited James Cromwell, Soldiers of Fortune has arrived as proof that an "all-star" team of mercenaries can be assembled for about the same cost as a single eco-friendly, compact car Schwarzenegger ruins in The Expendables 2. While the poster--and, more so, the fact that the trailer shamelessly plasters the word "EXPENDABLE" on the screen--seems to be inviting comparisons to Sylvester Stallone's action veteran team-up film, the below preview bears surprisingly little resemblance, instead setting up something more like a deeply unfunny, straight-to-video Tropic Thunder, in which a group of rich caricatures at a paramilitary-themed resort end up confronting an actual threat. Sean Bean probably couldn't wait to die in this:
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Have you forgotten some of the major plot points of Game of Thrones' first season? Have you not watched the show, but now you're ready to find out WHAT IS ALL THAT CLANGING ABOUT? Then catch up with this 22-minute retrospective/preview HBO has released in anticipation of the April 1 premiere of season two. Your brain's Peter Dinklage center will thank you.
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If the first Mirror Mirror trailer was the one asserting, "We are the wacky Snow White, not the one with the droopy, terrifying Silver Surfer," this is the trailer that reiterates, "Did we mention we've got Nathan Lane, every noise we could squeeze out of World's Zaniest Sound Effects, Vol. 2, and the twin from Social Network acting like a fucking dog? Honestly, we even got real dwarves actually doing that stand-on-each-other's-shoulders-to-look-like-a-normal-sized-man routine you only see in cartoons. That's how little anyone involved took this seriously."
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Sean Bean, whose work in Lord of the Rings and Game of Thrones has already given him a well-established record of co-starring with dwarves, will once again foster positive Bean-Dwarf relations in Tarsem Singh's still-untitled Snow White project. The actor is reportedly in late talks to play Snow White's father, a king who is married to evil queen Julia Roberts. He joins Lilly Collins (Snow), Armie Hammer (Facebook prince), and a whole mess of sub-5' dudes in the film, and, presumably, he'll be wearing some sort of armor.
Hey, another Peter Pan adaptation! Adding to Sony's Channing Tatum-starring Pan, Disney's thoughts for a prequel, and the peanut butter, now we've got Aaron Eckhart starring in writer Ben Mag and director Ben Hibon dark, modern take on the story, which is being made because we need dark, modern takes on everything.
Eckhard will be playing Hook, a captain who is of course no longer a flamboyant pirate, instead taking the form of a tortured ex-detective on a vigilante crusade against a childlike kidnapper, who I'm willing to wager has a familiar, alliterative name. Soul Surfer's AnnaSophia Robb, who herself knows a little something about playing "hand eaten by a saltwater creature," will play Wendy as "the lone survivor who leaves an asylum to help in the hunt," while high fantasy stalwart Sean Bean has been cast as Smee, Hook's only remaining ally on the police force. Meaning the Lost Boys are probably an online network of organized pedophiles, then?
No doubt, Intense Nicolas Cage Knight is really our best hope of dealing with medieval witchcraft. But, sad fact is, there aren't enough Intense Nicolas Cage Knights to deal with all the medieval witchcraft going on in B-movies right now. There's just too much of that going around. Thankfully, we have Lord of the Rings/Game of Thrones star Sean Bean to pick up the slack, because this guy will do absolutely anything if it means he gets to put on some armor and swing around a cool sword.
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