Now three years since Grown Ups first clued us in on Adam Sandler having good times with his friends, Grown Ups 2 is at last here to assure us that, yes, the group is still together, and still not all that concerned about ever changing out of the clothes they sleep in. And putting an end to those interminable periods when they were not having a good time being friends, everyone but Rob Schneider (presumed dead) has now moved back to their small hometown--where their kids can ride their bikes to school, and somehow an elk can get in Sandler's bedroom to pee on him.
But, of course, high school can't last forever, and soon the group realizes that attempting to reclaim their past may ruin their future. What were once fun anecdotes of their childhoods are now increasingly-strained conversation topics repeated ad infinitum. Purposely-repressed memories are now painfully brought back, never to be escaped, upon the group's every forced meeting. Sandler's wife, given the startling change of scenery, has at last been jostled from her haze to realize that she's Salma Hayek, and could do a lot better than a schlubby man-child grasping at his youth. No, that's not what happens. Everyone dances with Shaq, and in case there are any lingering doubts about if they're having a good time, Poison's "Nothing But a Good Time" provides a subtle hint. They aren't that grown up!!!
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The latest in the ever-growing "Kevin James succeeds with workaday job and unduly attractive mate" series, Here Comes the Boom stars James as a slovenly teacher looking for a way to save his school's underfunded arts program. Noting that MMA fighters get paid money--and, hey, money is exactly what his school needs!--James embarks on a career as an amateur cage fighter, thus impressing fellow teacher Salma Hayek, bringing to fruition Henry Winkler's Opus, and saving art while at once irreparably damaging it through physical comedy. HERE COMES THE BOOM, apparently! Or if that doesn't work, then Here Comes the Campbell's Soup Label Collection Drive.
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In Oliver Stone's Savages, John Carter's Taylor Kitsch and Kick-Ass star Aaron Johnson play a couple high-profile drug dealers just looking for a peaceful life of selling pot and having sex with Blake Lively--who, in the "hit it and pass it" spirit of the dealers' product, bounces between the two guys with all the looseness and carefree freedom of their aloha shirts. Lively also plays narrator of this tale, and in this first trailer for the film, she is quick to inform us that she might actually be dead, recording voice-over from the grave, so keep that in mind. This could be a spooky story told by a wrathful phantom of Green Lantern!
And what is this possible-ghost's story? Well, mostly that she gets kidnapped by Benicio del Toro. He's a henchman to Salma Hayek, head of a drug cartel that tried to get in business with John Carter and Kick-Ass but was rebuffed, leading her to abduct their timeshare Gossip Girl. Needless to say, our drug-dealing heroes are very displeased they have lost their mutual girlfriend who may or may not be a spectral raconteur. So, they put on their favorite Día de los Muertos commemorative masks and GO SAVAGE. "Savage" being when you blow shit up and shoot some guys, I guess.
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The first full-length trailer for Puss in Boots is here, and believe me, it does not waste any time getting to the "he is anthropomorphic but he sometimes behaves like a cat" gags. When he goes to a bar, he LAPS MILK, for example, etc. But after too many Shrek films and a multiple shorts, Zorro Cat only has so many of those jokes left in him. Where do the writers go from there to fill out an entire feature-length Puss in Boots comedy adventure? On to dick jokes and prison rape, apparently:
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If you didn't know, DreamWorks' Puss in Boots is more than just a way to extend the cashflow from Shrek for a few more years: it's another Desperado reunion as well, bringing Antonio Banderas and Salma Hayek together again outside the watchful eye of chaperone Robert Rodriguez. This time they'll just be together as a couple of animated cats, though, with Banderas reprising Puss in Boots and Hayek lending her accent to the above ladycat counterpart, named Kitty Softpaws. I guess DreamWorks is counting on children not questioning how anyone named "Kitty Softpaws" is not a 50-something drag queen.
(from Movieline)
Happy days! The King of Queens will soon once again share the screen with a disproportionately attractive female lead in a new film for Columbia!
Paul Blart has signed on to star in Here Comes the Boom, an action comedy he will also produce alongside Adam Sandler, who's always looking to help someone put together a broad, universally-panned-yet-somehow-successful comedy. Salma Hayek is in talks for the female lead, because love is blind in the world of Kevin James. No plot details are being revealed, but considering James's oeuvre includes Paul Blart: Mall Cop and the upcoming The Zookeeper, I don't think it's off base to consider it may involve him having a shitty job. Or at least a Rob Schneider cameo.
O Chris Farley, why did you have to die so young, before you had the chance to partake in a weird joke about all your SNL Bad Boy brethren simultaneously pissing in a public pool?
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Whether you consider Pancho Villa a criminal, a Robin Hood, or "Quick Draw McGraw's sidekick?", his story is undoubtedly an intriguing one (and one I won't go into in detail here, because that would require a lot of research to fill in my fuzzy notions of anything he did). The important thing is Pancho Villa is a pretty good story, and thus our premier Mexican actor, Johnny Depp, will be portraying the man on screen alongside Salma Hayek:
Serbian helmer Emir Kusturica is in advanced negotiations for Johnny Depp to star as Mexican revolutionary hero Pancho Villa in his upcoming biopic titled "Seven Friends of Pancho Villa and the Woman With Six Fingers."
Salma Hayek is also in advanced talks to co-star in the pic.
The Spanish-language biopic is to be shot partly in Mexico, where Villa -- an early 20th-century bandit who became a guerilla fighter and a hero to the poor -- is an iconic historical figure. Depp will act in Spanish, Kusturica said.
The script is based on the biographical novel “The Friends of Pancho Villa,” in which author James Carlos Blake recounts how Villa and his compadres had a great time fighting and robbing the rich, but also dancing, partying and making love.
Johnny Depp can act in Spanish too? God, that just makes him that much more dreamy! He's like Antonio Banderas and Johnny Depp rolled into one!*
*Just the language of Antonio Banderas. Otherwise he's still just Johnny Depp.
Joining a vocal cast that already includes most key members of the The Mask of Zorro Desperado (whups!), the always enjoyable Zach Galifanakis is negotiating to provide the voice of Humpty Dumpty in the Shrek spin-off Puss in Boots. The animated picture, as its title implies, follows Antonio Banderas's swashbuckling cat character and the events that led to his being in Shrek 2. Salma Hayak is also signed on, and presumably plays some kind of girl cat that also has a thick accent.
When will society finally evolve to the point of no longer typecasting fat people to voice fat animated characters? Not yet. Not yet.
After getting an Oscar nomination for her unibrowed lead role in Frida, Salma Hayek has upped the lady-facial-hair ante for Paul Weitz's Cirque du Freak, also starring John C. Reilly as a vampire. How will she top herself next time? Hard to say for certain, but there may be a clue in the title of her next movie: Female Versions of Those Creepy Wolf Boy Kids That Are Always on Maury Povich to Prove That They're Just a Couple Normal Teens Who Happen to Have Hairy Faces.
Salma Hayek Has a Beard [Just Jared]
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