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Weekend Box Office Goes Just As Mayans Foretold

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Your weekend box office results. Save a tree; don't print them out this week.

1. 2012 - $65 million, a huge outpouring of support for the film's once hugely popular but now aging star, Flooding and Explosions.

2. A Christmas Carol - $22.3 million, another mediocre weekend that gives hope we might not have to endure A Christmas Carol 2: Scrooge the Pooch.

3. The Men Who Stare at Goats - $6.2 million. Don't believe any of this film's B.S. staring-at-goats-could-kill-them theories. I've stared at so many animals and people wishing they would die, and it never pays off.

4. Precious: Based on the Novel "Push" by Sapphire - $6.1 million--and that's on only 174 screens--giving hope to all those other little indie dramas that also have the endorsements of two of America's most influential women (Oprah and Madea).

5. This Is It - $5.1 million. Weren't we promised this would be out of theaters by now, finally allowing Michael Jackson's soul to escape the limbo of consumerism?

Weekend Box Office Results [Box Office Mojo]

The Weekend's New Moving Picture Releases

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Don't just sit at home playing your CD-ROMs; enjoy a film this weekend. Here are some options:

A Christmas Carol
Director: Robert Zemeckis
Starring: Jim Carrey, Gary Oldman, Bob Hoskins, the leads from The Princess Bride
Good if you want to see: disgusting near-humans acting out the well worn tale of Scrooge yet again

The Men Who Stare at Goats
Director: Grant Heslov
Starring: Ewan McGregor, George Clooney, Jeff Bridges, Kevin Spacey
Good if you want to see: Coen Brothers-esque comedy from non-Coens; George Clooney killing goats with his BRAIN

The Fourth Kind
Director: Olatunde Osunsanmi
Starring: Milla Jovovich
Good if you want to see: aliens! Or something like that.

The Box
Director: Richard Kelly
Starring: Cameron Diaz, James Marsden, Frank Langella
Good if you want to see: a Twilight Zone episode stretched out an extra hour; whether or not they're going to push that box button for a million dollars (they're totally going to push that box button for a million dollars)

Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire (limited)
Director: Lee Daniels
Starring: Gabby Sidibe, Mo'Nique, Mariah Carey
Good if you want to see: the depressing story of an obese, illiterate teen twice impregnated by her father and abused by her mother; future Academy Award recipients; whatever Oprah and Tyler Perry want you to see, as usual