Are interview clips of a mentally ill man shouting about cows and, at various occasions, almost vomiting really considered "bloopers"? Without Dick Clark's youthful eyes watching our blooper and practical joke standards, yes they are, as this "blooper reel" for the upcoming horror-comedy Piranha 3DD is pretty much just Gary Busey doing his usual demonstration of brain damage for the cameras. Still, if you're curious what "FART" is an acronym for in Gary Busey's head, please continue forward.
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It's a disservice to you for me to describe anything that takes place within the following trailer for Piranha 3D's upcoming sequel, Piranha 3DD. But just in case you're not going to watch it, let me explain what you are missing:
- Water-certified strippers.
- David Hasselhoff recoiling from an overweight woman.
- David Hasselhoff re-enacting famous Jaws shot.
- A piranha crawl up inside a girl and emerge during coitus to bite a guy's penis (I think?).
- Gary Busey biting the head off a piranha and spitting it at the camera.
- Ving Rhames requesting someone fetch him his legs. And by "legs," he means the rifles he attaches to his pelvis to shoot at fish.
You are quite foolish to be missing those things.
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Just when you thought there wasn't a high concept premise left to get Eddie Murphy wide-eyed in a suit, back he comes with A Thousand Words, in which HE ONLY HAS 1000 WORDS LEFT TO DISCOVER WHAT MATTERS MOST." The last poster for the sole need-to-see comedy of 2012 was high on photoshop and low on context, but this latest one-sheet offers up a bit more, promising such enticing content as an old woman, a blind man, some kind of sultan, and a single, gentle kiss to the forehead--a visual metaphor for Murphy putting his career to bed, one sleepy family film at a time.
Also, here are some Piranha 3DD posters. They aren't covered in as many boobs as you'd figure.
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Easing any worries that Piranha 3DD's title might not actually be referring to breasts, a trailer for the sequel has arrived and unveiled its silicone bounty, proudly proclaiming, yes, there will be giant boobs. Other promises made in this brief teaser: David Hasselhoff! And Ving Rhames! Who now has Rose McGowan-style removable gun legs. Clearly this is the Godfather, Part II of Piranha movies.
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You thought Piranha 3DD's newcomer cast of the gangling kid from Nacho Libre, 82-year-old Clu Galager, Glory Daze guy from the AT&T "old minutes" commercials and Final Destination 5's David Koechner was as good as it gets? Well, now the Piranha 3D sequel has got Hasselhoff, too, with the cast adrift former judge of America's Got Talent awakening on shores not entirely unlike those he remembers from 2003's Baywatch: Hawaiian Wedding. Except now it's a water park, and he must beware the menacing jaws of piranha and Gary Busey. Godspeed, Hoff.
Piranha 3 DD. You know, like the DD-size breasts. Subtle.
For those that haven't been following along, though Piranha 3-D barely made its money back domestically, it fared well enough overseas that Dimension decided a sequel was in order, and are hoping to rush out some piece of cash-grab shit by next August. To help do so, they've just hired director John Gulager (Feast, Feast II: Sloppy Seconds, Feast III: The Happy Finish) to film a script currently being written by Patrick Melton and Marcus Dunsta. Those two are the screenwriting team behind Saw 3-D, so they should have no problem at all hammering something out in time to start shooting in the next few months. Just have to retrain their brains so that every time they're about to write "saw blade pops out of screen, limb flies at audience," they'll instead write, "piranha pops out of screen, limb flies at audience; (DD) boobs emerge." Easy peasy.
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