As Hasbo found out the hard way, planning a big board game party never works out. The company was so, so excited about their plans to do so many games with Universal, but sadly, once confronted with the daunting stack of boxes before them, the studio's initially piqued interest quickly fell to, "Look, how about we just get through Battleship, and then maybe go to a bar," with the studio canceling plans to go ahead with any further adaptations.
It seemed that Hasbro's big plans for Ouija, Clue, Monopoly and Magic: The Gathering were shot. Until today, that is, when Universal out-of-the-blue called to say, "Okay, fine, I'll play Ouija with you. But just casual this time. Not a big thing, okay?"
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On July 1, 2011, the fate of Earth and, indeed, the fate of the [Dark of] the Moon was thrown into question when Shia LaBeouf revealed he would no longer be assisting the Transformers with any of their popular transforming. Speaking at the Moscow International Film Festival, LaBeouf told reporters:
"I'm done. I'm sure they will make more of them. It's still a very hot franchise. I love making them (the movies). I love the crew. I love Michael (Bay). I love the cast. I love Sam ... but I don't have anything new to contribute and I don't think there's anywhere to take Sam really."
Well, he was half wrong--come on, Shia, we all know you have more ways of screaming "Optimus!" you've been holding back--but he was also right in that, yes, of course they'll make more Transformers movies. And today such a plan was confirmed, with Hasbro reportedly now in "active discussions" with Paramount, producer Steven Spielberg, and director Michael Bay to return to make metal shards spin around and clang in another Transformer film. You had to figure this was coming, considering the last film made a billion dollars (this is not hyperbole), but still, you have to wonder how long we, as humans, can continue staring into this film's violently-spinning blender visuals before our minds finally purée. That should be fun to find out.
Hasbro would also like you to know that, despite Universal deciding movies based on Clue and Ouija were no longer good ideas, those films will still get made one way or another, as will a J.J. Abrams-produced Micronauts movie--though CEO Brian Goldner reportedly added that "Hasbro won't produce its own films." Of course not. Don't want to shit where you eat. And this sure does sound like shit.
Just weeks after Universal cancelled plans to do a Clue remake, the film future of another board-based property now hangs in the balance, its future unclear despite it being a plank specifically designed to foretell the future through spirit magicks. Ouija--the Ouija Board-centered film that has been in development since 2008, when Universal and Hasbro formed their dumb ideas partnership--has now reportedly been put in turnaround, which means Universal won't make the film but leaves Hasbro, producer Michael Bay and currently-attached director McG the option of drifting their bad idea planchette over to another studio. Paramount, who have a strong relationship with Bay and toys thanks to the Robotic Vehicle Men trilogy, is said to have already passed on the project, but Bay and McG will be meeting with other studios next week to pitch their "Jumanji, but with a board covered in letters and numbers instead" concept. Even if no one picks it up, though, it's not all bad for Hasbro: just for Universal dicking them around, they get $5 million, so this Ouija movie is already paying for itself. Just as Ouija boards so often pay for themselves by divulging valuable spirit secrets. I'm coming for all of your golds, spirit world.
The stalemate between Breck Eisner and McG has ended, with the latter emerging with the dubious spoils of his victory: the director's chair on a movie called Ouija. After meeting with both candidates prior to the holiday break, Universal and the suits down at Hasbro have weighed their options and decided McG's vision of a drifting planchette is ultimately the one that will move the most movie tie-in Ouija boards. So, congratulations(?), McG, and good luck not ruining anyone's precious childhood memories of the occult.
Seemingly viewing the chance to make a film based on pseudo-mystical plank as some kind of genuine opportunity, Breck Eisner and McG are competing against each other for the position of "director" on Universal's Ouija board movie. The studio already has a script--said to be a sort of family adventure that's drawn comparisons to National Treaure, The Mummy, Indiana Jones, and Jumanji--from the writers of TRON Legacy, and is rumored to have previously had meetings with directors Pierre Morel, Scott Stewart, and Sylvain White. Now, according to the Hollywood Reporter, both directors have delivered their pitches on the material, and Universal is expected to come to a decision after the holidays. Regardless who wins, considering the film's supposed desert-adventure slant and the fact that Eisner and G directed Sahara and We Are Marshall, respectively, I'd say we're looking at a pretty good chance of Matthew McConaughey playing John Ouija.
Not so fast, Pierre Morel: you don't have the highly-coveted position of "Ouija movie director" just yet! The Taken director may be the frontrunner to direct the much-needed spooky-plank film, but the job isn't his. According to Deadline, The Losers and Stomp the Yard director Sylvain White is also on Hasbro's wishlist, as is the director of Legion and Priest, Scott Stewart. The studio is said to be looking to turn the mystery board into a National Treasure-style film somehow, but if they suddenly decide it would be better as a ludicrous action film starring the Ouija board as a religious figure that, personified, looks astonishingly like Paul Bettany, I have a pretty good idea who they're going to choose.
Peter Berg's in-production Battleship may be the board game movie drawing most of our halfhearted attention lately, but the rest of its unfortunate breed have not been forgotten. Sadly, Hasbro is still trudging forward with its film plans for more of their properties that absolutely have no plots from which to base a film, and the toy company is now reportedly in talks with Pierre Morel to direct that Ouija Board movie. Morel, who made the shockingly-entertaining 2008 action-thriller Taken, initially seems an odd choice to direct what should clearly be a supernatural horror, but then you remember Ouija isn't being sold as a horror film--it's an action-adventure, being compared to both National Treasure and Jumanji. So if the plan is to make an action film with Liam Neeson--who has no issue being in a Hasbro movie--beating skulls in with illustrated wooden trays and shoving planchettes in some dudes' eyes, this actually makes a lot of sense. I mean, it doesn't really, but it does enough.
Universal Pictures and Hasbro have announced a six-year partnership that will produce at least four films based on the following games: Monopoly, Candy Land, Ouija, Battleship, Magic: The Gathering, and Stretch Armstrong. Aside from Ridely Scott's inexplicable involvement in the Monopoly project, very little is known about how the properties would be developed into feature films. So how about I pitch some ideas?
Ouija - A group of gullible teenagers attribute a string of recent murders to a ghost, only to find out it was just their asshole friend doing it. (Note: This should be made in Asia first, then remade here.)
Clue - A wealthy mansion-owner invites a group of similarly affluent guests over to watch Clue.
Battleship - A hotshot naval commander attempts a daring new formation of lining up his fleet in a row along the border. This fails, but the young leader still finds victory after the enemy can't find his f***ing destroyer.
Monopoly - A light-hearted gathering erupts in argument; the film ends abruptly.
Stretch Armstrong - This movie (and toy) should never be made, but will star Jim Carrey and a lot of low-budget CGI.
Candy Land - A band of outcast teenagers find themselves in a colorful, candy-coated world where their movements are dictated by color. It turns out they're just really, really high.
Magic: The Gathering - An exciting battle between a powerful orc shaman and a dwarf paladin suddenly becomes dull when someone realizes it's a card game.
Any other/better ideas? It seems like the Magic movie should work in woeful virginity, but I'm not sure how.
Universal rolls dice with Hasbro [Variety]
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