Lost amongst Brett Ratner's recent, vocal opinions on rehearsals, "banging," and whether or not he should be producing the Academy Awards was news this week that the greasy director would be remaking the 1982 teen film The Last American Virgin. In the same Howard Stern interview that brought about the revelation that Ratner might not have actually had sex with Olivia Munn, the recently-resigned Oscars producer offhandedly revealed, "I was the other night watching--and now I'm actually remaking it--the movie The Last American Virgin." Stern quickly got him off the topic and on to the subject of how much sperm he has to share, but not before Ratner revealed his strong motivation for remaking the coming-of-age comedy--itself a remake of an Israeli film. Said Ratner:
"The girl in that was so beautiful: curly hair, gorgeous eyes. I was 12 years old--I think I jerked off to her at least 200 times."
Well, of course you must remake The Last American Virgin, then--by the same logic that dictates I am duty-bound to one day recreate the Sports Illustrated 30th Anniversary Swimsuit Video. Never change, Brett Ratner.