'Conan' Director To Adapt 'Hack/Slash'

Cinema's local bar cover band, Marcus Nispel--whose oeuvre includes varyingly tone deaf renditions of popular favorites The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Friday the 13th, and Conan the Barbarian--is ready to try his ear at comic book movies, and is now attached to direct Relativity Media's adaptation of Hack/Slash.

Created by Tim Seeley, Hack/Slash focuses an archetypical horror movie character who survives a slasher antagonist's attack and, with her huge friend Vlad in tow, goes on a vengeful quest to murder all slasher movie archetypes. What she cruelly destroys, Marcus Nispel dutifully resurrects. It's a natural pairing.

A film version of Hack/Slash has been in the works for years, with various writers and directors coming on a different points, and various Megan Foxes saying they wouldn't mind getting the lead, but it has yet to come together, so it's probably best to hold on to some skepticism about this actually happening. Still, might as well start thinking about who you want to root for to star. Should we just keep letting Rooney Mara play every damaged, vendetta-minded goth-punk lesbian and call it a day?