Geekologie I Watch Stuff The Superficial

Have a Look at Helena Bonham Carter and McNulty as Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton

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Well, it seems Lindsay Lohan will not be the final word in televised Elizabeth Taylor impersonations. The BBC is going to give it a shot, too, and since Lifetime already called theirs Liz & Dick, this one will be called Burton and Taylor. Here's a first look at the production, which stars Helena Bonham Carter as Taylor and Dominic West as her two-time husband Richard Burton. The film will reportedly air on both BBC Four and BBC America, but a release date is not yet set, leaving the world to suffer the deep unease of not knowing when it will get its next Elizabeth Taylor biopic fix.

Final 'John Carter' Trailer Shows You Its Nonspecific CGI Things One Last Time

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"Who is that?" So villain Mark Strong asks in the opening line of the latest trailer for John Carter, thus echoing the sentiment of pretty much every non-sci-fi-nerd who is not John Carter. The film opens in less than two weeks and, according to recent tracking, awareness and interest for the film is dismally low for a $250+ budgeted film. Confirming those tracking numbers, last night, following a John Carter TV spot, I was drawn into this brief conversation:

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'The Awakening' Trailer: 'Ghost Hunters' Circa 1921

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"After the massive loss of life in World War I, many drew comfort from a belief in the supernatural," claims the opening card on this trailer for The Awakening. After all, when a lot of people are dying, what's more reassuring than the thought of legions of spectres roaming the streets in their endless pursuit for vengeance, right? Bold historic assertions aside, the rest of The Awakening seems to play out like a very self-serious parody of SyFy's Ghost Hunters that's been set in post-WWI-era England. The Wire's Dominic West runs a remote boarding school in the countryside and enlists Rebecca Hall to use some old fashioney tools and investigate if one of his students might be a ghost boy. Hall is initially skeptical of the haunting claim, but her doubts soon begin to crumble when strange things start happening. Like, this one time, this little wooden ball rolls down a staircase, and it's like, man, WHO ROLLED THAT BALL? A ghost boy, probably. SCARY. And there's this other time, she's about to take a shower, but then she hears some whispering coming from behind a shower wall--and if that isn't just a pervert, it's DEFINITELY a ghost boy. UT OH.

Here's your trailer:

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'Johnny English Reborn' International Trailer: Bond Meets 'America's Funniest Home Videos' Retrospective

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If it seemed like the first trailer for Johnny English Reborn must have used up the film's entirety of nut jokes in the first 45 seconds, that's only because Rowan Atkinson knows the art of the testicle tease. As this new trailer will show you, this movie has EVEN MORE gonad-based humor, guys! Also, Johnny English seems to kill a cat. I guess that isn't considered sadistic if the gruesome pet killing was the result of bumbling.

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Scully, McNulty Join 'Johnny English Reborn'

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We're going to need a few actors for Rowan Atkinson to bumble around with if we're going to make a Johnny English sequel (note: we certainly are making a Johnny English sequel), so Universal has found some people willing to fill that role. According to the Hollywood Reporter, Gillian Anderson, Dominic West, Rosamund Pike, and Daniel Kaluuya will all be joining Mr. Bean as he "finds himself embroiled in trying to stop a plot by a group of international assassins hunting down the Chinese premier," which should allow for all kinds of cultural faux pas! With shooting starting this week, it doesn't sound like original Johnny English co-star Natalie Imbruglia will be returning, but if I know Nats, she'll probably just spin that resentment into an angsty pop single. So who's going to feel shitty in the end, Johnny English?

'Centurion' Red Band Trailer Has a Bunch of Guys Getting Their Heads Busted Apart

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Something that's been missing from your day: a guy taking a sword directly to the face, am I right? Good thing there's this red-band trailer for Neil Marshall's Centurion to sate that need! From what I can tell, this film is The Incredible Journey if the domesticated animals were instead Roman soldiers sneaking around and killing a bunch of dudes.

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'John Carter of Mars' Gets Englisher

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Samantha Morton (Synecdoche, New York), Polly Walker (Rome), Dominic West (McNulty!) have signed on to Andrew Stanton's adaptation of John Carter of Mars:

Taylor Kitsch, Lynn Collins and Willem Dafoe already are on board the production, which centers on a Civil War veteran (Kitsch) who finds himself mysteriously transported to Mars, where he becomes embroiled with the planet's warring people.

Morton plays Sola, the daughter of Dafoe's Tars Tarkas, who must hide her softer side from her warmongering race.

West plays Sab Than, prince of the Zodangans who believes he is entitled to rule Mars.

Walker plays Sarkoja, a merciless, tyrannical Thark.

I'm pretty excited to see basically anything the director of Finding Nemo and WALL-E is working on, but as someone unfamiliar with the property, let me tell ya, all of these character and plot descriptions sound like the insane ramblings of Vinz Clortho, Keymaster of Gozer:

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'Punisher: War Zone' Red-Band Trailer Goes for Sort of a 'Grindhouse but Retarded' Look

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Who would have thought Beer for My Horses would prove itself the better vigilante justice movie of the year? I watch probably a dozen shitty trailers every week, but this is the first time I've ever felt actual embarrassment for everyone involved, including myself for watching (and, even worse, listening). How do you make a movie seem like a straight-to-DVD version of itself, probably called The Disciplinarian? Answer below the cut.

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'Punisher: War Zone' Trailer

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I have to say, it looks like Punisher: War Zone has rectified most of the problems that burdened the last attempt at a Punisher movie. They've removed the John Travolta factor (replacing him with McNulty from The Wire), replaced the good looks of Thomas Jane with the dead, crazy eyes of Ray Stevenson, transported the action to the world of a really awesome Nerf gun commercial, and added several instances of arms-out spinning and shooting--like when you'd hold down L and R in the overhead levels of Contra III. Now it's just common sense and every other element keeping me from wanting to see this! (Thanks to Brad for the tip.)

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