Just as Stallone and Schwarzenegger are re-teaming for The Tomb, Dolph Lundgren and Jean-Claude Van Damme too have found their prominent veins inescapably intertwined after The Expendables 2. The two giants of beating people up next share top billing in Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning, a sequel that sees Lundgren and Van Damme returning to the mindless roles they first played twenty years ago, but now with less hair. Judging by this trailer, it doesn't look like two will ever actually share the screen--and it seems like Van Damme may do absolutely nothing but morosely stare, eternally considering better choices he could have made in his portrayal of Guile--but if you've been keeping up with the series, you'll definitely want to give this a look. Your standards have already dropped this far, so why stop now?
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In the full Expendables 2 trailer, the worn form of Arnold Schwarzenegger leans out of some burning wreckage and, cigar in hand, shouts "I'M BACK" pretty much directly at the camera. If that was slightly too subtle an Arnold back-catalogue reference for anyone, here's just the minute-long TV spot for you. Arnold was terminated! I get it!
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Don't cry, Sly. Look at all the friends you have!
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Those skeptical that such career-height giants as Jean-Claude Van Damme and Chuck Norris would ever agree to share the spotlight today eat their words, as there are now actual photos of both noted jumpkickers on the Bulgarian set of The Expendables 2. Above, JCVD playfully lightens the mood by pretending to end his life, presumably unable to cope with the shame of Double Impact and a televised erection. Oh, Jean-Claude, you always know just the jokes to make immediately following the unfortunate death of crew.
Below, see Walker, Texas Ranger standing alongside He-Man--the image 1988's adolescents demanded, at last realized.
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Yeah, yeah, fine, you've got a ton of great and once-great action stars. But can I get a closer look at Bruce Willis's face there?
I think they might be trying to sell me someone's (admittedly detailed) Bruce Willis portrait tattoo as a photo. Tell me the truth, guys. Am I staring at a Die Hard fan's shaved thigh?
Either way, there's also a new trailer for Sylvester Stallone's All-Stars, so get ready to say, "Hey, I've seen that guy fight dudes on film before!"
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Last year, Jean-Claude Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren decided a good way to sweep the legs on their returns to semi-respected relevancy (with JCVD and The Expendables, respectively) would be to make another fucking Universal Soldier movie. Not what I would have done, but hey, I can't do a 360-degree crescent kick either, so whatever. We can overlook that misstep. What's next then, guys?
Oh:
The muscles from Brussels will star with his regular sparring partner Dolph Lundgren in Universal Soldier IV. Mark Damon’s Foresight is selling this action flick, which starts shooting in October. John Hyams, who directed last year’s reboot Universal Soldier: Regeneration is behind the camera again.
This time it's in 3D, and you know what that means! The DVD will come with some little glasses.
Stallone, Statham, Li, Rourke, Lundgren, "Stone Cold", Couture, Schwarzenegger, and Willis, all in one film. It's like Love Actually, but with guns and testosterone! And hopefully still with a Mariah Carey song-driven climax.
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For Jean-Claude Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren, the last couple years have probably been the best since their fall from ass-kicking relevance to straight-to-video sadness in the '90s. Last year, Van Damme starred in JCVD, a self-aware comedic drama that received high marks from critics and fans; this year, Lundgren has been working on the set of Sylvester Stallone's The Expendables, a high profile action film that unites the star with the likes of Stallone, Jet Li, Mickey Rourke, Jason Statham and other former/current action greats.
So, in case you were starting to get the wrong impression, that these two might be headed for greener jump-kicking pastures, they've decided to team up again and make another fucking Universal Solider movie. Just to make sure you know that they still don't give a shit. Whatever you'll pay them to do, straight-to-video producer.
I barely paid attention to this trailer, but I think the idea is the 1992 Mel Gibson film Forever Young with guns and an MMA fighter:
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Nice try, Sylvester Stallone. I'm sure you'd like us all to believe this promotional trailer is for an actual movie that you're supposedly making. But I know a viral video that compiles every clichéd '80s action movie scene ever made into a fake trailer when I see one, and this has to be that:
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Command Performance is one of those movies where the synopsis made me really want to see it, but then the trailer made me nearly black out. Dolph Lundgren directing Dolph Lundgren in a film being described as "Die Hard at a rock concert" (because it's exactly Die Hard at a rock concert)? I'm with you there. After all, Dolph is a genius. But man, this trailer. Specifically, the awful song that plays throughout the three-minute trailer. The band responsible for this really should, at the very least, have their concert raided by terrorists. It's so bad you can hardly enjoy Dolph Lundgren impaling a man on a guitar neck, and it takes a lot to not revel in guitar-based homicide.
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It gets tedious covering every piece of casting news--there's only so much you can say when Kate Hudson joins another romantic comedy--and thus I often overlook it. Generally it isn't a big deal, but in the case of my ignoring casting on Sylvester Stallone's upcoming action/adventure, The Expendables, I admit I've made a mistake. He's been putting together a crew of classic action actors that rivals even when there were two Jean-Claude Van Dammes in Double Impact. Just look at this group:
Mickey Rourke has joined the ranks of "The Expendables," joining the ensemble of the Sylvester Stallone-directed action adventure for Nu Image/Millennium Films.
Rourke will play an unscrupulous arms dealer who becomes the go-to guy for a group of mercenaries planning to topple a South American dictator.
Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Randy Couture and Dolph Lungdren play the title characters. Forest Whitaker and Ben Kingsley are also circling the project.
So it's the most definitive bad-ass team you can imagine (minus Arnold, Seagal, and Van Damme, obviously), plus Ben Kingsley. It's like he's there to sanction all the murdering. It would just be senseless violence with that crew shoving their boots in people's brains, but if you've got Gandhi on the team, it must be for the greater good.
Mickey Rourke joins 'Expandables' [Variety]
Now many straight-to-video years after his rise to nearly becoming the next Jean-Claude Van Damme and fall to becoming current Van Damme, Dolph Lundgren has plans to reinvent himself. Say goodbye to '80s action star Dolph Lundgren, hello to modern action star/director making '80s movies Dolph Lundgren.
Currently in post-production on his last acting/directing vehicle, Missionary Man (playing "a mysterious stranger [who] rolls into town on a unique motorcycle"), the Swede has announced plans to direct and star in Command Performance, described as "Die Hard at a rock concert." Set in Ivan Drago's native Russia, Lundgren will play an ex-marine drummer who, naturally, kicks ass after some motherf***ers disrupt the show--an idea he says he got from... Madonna? Since I don't remember a terrorist attack on Madonna's Russian tour, I'll assume the "idea" he means is being old and grossly muscular.
Dolph Lundgren set for 'Command' [Hollywood Reporter]
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