Probably the fourth or fifth most crucial Beverly Hills Cop element--after Eddie Murphy, Detroit-Beverly Hills social disparity, Harold Faltermeyer's "Axel F", and maybe sweatshirts--has joined CBS's pilot sequel to the Beverly Hills Cop films. TheWrap (via) reports Murphy and his new son, who is also Big Momma's son, are to be joined by Judge Reinhold, returning to his beloved Reinhold role of William 'Billy' Rosewood. If the pilot goes to series, it's unclear if he'd be a regular, but it's said his character "has scored a big promotion from his old job." So... he'll be a judge, right?
Running Wilde didn't last long on Fox, and Up All Night is violently mutating itself to death over at NBC, so now Will Arnett is following the sound of laughter over to CBS, where they have a button that produces that laughter. (They also have a button that produces investigable crime scenes.)
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Looking to extend his television presence beyond recent appearances on Louie, Wilfred, and that Law & Order: SVU rerun where he pretends to be a cop, Robin Williams is reportedly considering a return to a regular series for the first time since his Mork heyday.
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Dan Harmon's planned Fox sitcom is getting the competition it needs to ensure it will never reach its ratings potential.
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Though off the air since 1998 and now mostly mentioned just before someone says, "Oh, yeah, and remember Evening Shade?", the CBS sitcom Murphy Brown may be returning to its former network for a few episodes this fall.
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Determined to make their modernized Sherlock Holmes more edgy than the BBC's by making it more like Cashmere Mafia, CBS has cast Lucy Liu as Sherlock's sidekick in their New York-set take on the famous detective, Elementary. She'll reportedly play JOAN Watson, a retired surgeon living with Holmes in a Brooklyn apartment--much like John Watson, but female, and in New York. Get it? Everything is just slightly off from the usual, London-set Holmes you know! That's the kind of freshness you can get only from the network that broadcasts nine seasons of Two and a Half Men.
As we already learned, Eli Stone's Jonny Lee Miller is playing Sherlock Holmes in CBS's pilot. And just to shake things up a bit more, Moriarty will be played by a Bronx-born cat voiced by Don Cheadle (probably).
The latest Robert Downey Jr.-led Sherlock Holmes film has crossed the half-billion-dollar mark worldwide, and the BBC's contemporary Sherlock has spread to make an international rising star out of a man with the unlikely name of Benedict Cumberbatch, so now CBS will see if they too can't make a few bucks off a new take on Holmes that will presumably demonstrate the same rigid attention to logic and scientific theory the network has shown in CSI: Miami.
CBS has cast British actor Jonny Lee Miller to star in Elementary, their pilot drama that will transpose the Arthur Conan Doyle character to modern day New York City, making this a very original, exciting concept indeed. You may remember Miller from his bleached hair days of Trainspotting or Hackers, or his more recent TV work on Eli Stone and Dexter. He also just appeared in Danny Boyle's London stage adaptation of Frankenstein, in which he coincidentally starred alongside fellow Sherlock Benedict Cumberbatch. And now he will star alongside Ashton Kutcher in a promo instructing us to "follow the clues to laughter!" on CBS Mondays. Something to look forward to until Sherlock's second series makes its way to Netflix.
(Thanks to Maggie, a self-confessed "Cumberbitch." I now know that's a term.)
Andy Rooney, the man who for years gave a rambling voice to those too senile or otherwise infirm to themselves deliver monologues on whatever first comes to their minds, died Friday night of complications following surgery. He was 92.
Born in Albany, NY, in 1919, Rooney worked for CBS for over 60 years, having previously served in the U.S. Army before getting into writing and producing in non-fiction TV. It was in1964 that Rooney first began the popular televised essays he is credited with developing as a genre, beginning with a commentary titled "An Essay on Doors"--an opinion piece that presumably finally made viewers question why doors were needed when walls, windows, and gaping holes had been working just fine for years.
It was only in the late '70s that Rooney would begin appearing on the program that would make him the household name in elderly prattling, 60 Minutes. Starting as a summer replacement for Shana Alexander and James Kilpatrick's Point/Counterpoint segment, Rooney's willingness to take a clear position on such controversial subjects as carrying a bag won him immediate popularity, earning him his signature spot at the end of the broadcast by the 1979-80 season. Though he preferred to be known as a writer, having authored 16 books, Rooney remained the confused, grumbling finale of 60 Minutes for over 30 years, announcing just last month, in his 1,097th segment, that he would no longer be contributing arguments with himself on a regular basis.
In remembrance of this legendary griper--a man whose influence can still be seen today in we legion of bloggers giving constant, un-asked for complaints--below is what is perhaps Andy Rooney's greatest segment: "Eat More Fruit!", a piece legendary for bringing up such enlightening, inarguable truths as "green" being for vegetables, and bags of bananas simply containing too many bananas for Andy Rooney. Later days, A.R.
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In this economy, even someone so prone to winning as Charlie Sheen isn't immune to being replaced by some young hotshot eager to do your job for half the pay with half the binge time off. Case in point, Ashton Kutcher is going to be taking over Sheen's Whole Man spot on the inexplicably popular CBS sitcom Two and a Half Men.
Kutcher first teased the news last night, tweeting, "what's the square root of 6.25?" His more mathematically-minded followers were quick to figure out that the answer was 2.5, and since then, the trades have confirmed this is indeed not a Punk'ding; Kutcher will join the series for $1 million an episode--half what Sheen made, if you count his rerun income.
As for how Kutcher's sudden presence will be explained--as if anyone who's believed in this ironclad Full House scenario for this long would suddenly cry out for answers--a source promises creator Chuck Lorre has invented a storyline that is "really funny. People are going to love it." So, one-liner about over-the-top plastic surgery then move on with the usual?
We'll get back to normal updates tomorrow, but in the meantime have these things:
- Nickelodeon's new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are probably immune to Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.
- CBS Films has acquired rights to the Coen Brothers-scripted, Colin Firth/Cameron Diaz-starring remake of Gambit, ensuring the update will aim for the high CBS Films standards set by Extraordinary Measures and The Back-Up Plan.
- Matthew McConaughey is attached to star in Jean Marc Vallee's Dallas Buyer's Club, and will play an AIDS-afflicted electrician who sets up an illegal medication-smuggling operation to extend his life and the lives of others. Does that mean McConaughey will, at some point in the film, not be really muscular when he takes his shirt off?
- Diary of a Wimpy Kid director Thor Freudenthal has signed on to direct Scavengers, a story of three estranged brothers going on an international treasure hunt to collect their recently-deceased father's inheritance. At last, a Darjeeling Limited for the National Treasure attention span.
- We ran out of ideas again, so Macy's and IAM Entertainment taking meetings for a Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade movie "and are exploring various concepts, even one where the floats spring to life." Man turning into a float? Man travels to a world of floats? Man falls in love with a float? Up with a float? Contact me, guys.
With NBC-Universal preparing their Ron Howard-directed, possibly-Javier Bardem-starring adaptation of The Dark Tower, CBS has decided this would be a good time to get to making a big screen adaptation of Stephen King's other huge, post-apocalyptic epic, The Stand. The studio is teaming up with Warner Bros. for the production, and will soon begin meeting with writers and directors to sort out: their take on the material, if it requires multiple films (almost definitely), if Rob Lowe should be reprising his role/hair from the ABC miniseries (yes), etc.
For those uninitiated, the story, told in three parts, involves two rival factions--essentially a "good" versus "evil," if you will--in a United States that's been nearly wiped out following a superflu pandemic; eventually, a Stand is taken. George Romero and Warner Bros. each tried to develop the story into a film in the '80s to no avail, and instead the book found its way into the aforementioned, too-much-Gary Sinise '90s miniseries. CBS has held the rights for some time, but only now--following the releases of CBS Films like Extraordinary Measures, The Back-Up Plan, and The Mechanic--has the studio had the kind of "fuck it, let's make whatever" bravado to attempt such a huge undertaking. Let's just hope this doesn't interfere with their earlier plans to make a sequel to Freaky Friday: Freaky Monday.
Over the last few years, as most of the major networks have at least attempted to correct the inherent problems in the archaic sitcom format, CBS has been the hold-out firmly digging its heels into the ground. As NBC, ABC and, god, even Fox push past the three-camera set-up that has for generations made most situation comedies feel like an awkward, blindingly-lit stage play taking place in your television, CBS remains intent on clinging to the past, spreading the steadfast old-fashioneyness that has made Andy Rooney their network mainstay across their comedy lineup, ensuring every joke out of Charlie Sheen's mouth is delivered with a laugh track epilogue that lets Mom know that was a funny part.
Earlier this year, CBS purchased the rights to the Twitter account "Shitmydadsays" and cast William Shatner in the lead, which seemed like it could be an indication of the network hoping to splash a little modernity into their primeval lineup. Twitter! So hot and new! Modern! Computers! Right? Nope. There's now a trailer for the series, and I'm sorry to say that's not the case. It seems far more like a cruel plot to ensure Shatner never wins an Emmy again. Was George Takei involved in this?
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Here it is. Steve Kroft unfortunately never says "Masturbating Bear," but it's still worth watching as a counterpoint to Jay Leno whining to Oprah.
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You know the story of Beauty and the Best, as lovingly told in the 1991 Disney film and later bizarrely modernized by the CBS miniseries of the same name? Well FORGET THEM. Your Beauty/Beast world is about to be changed forever. Introducing the new "Beast," a man covered in unfortunate tattoos and little metal bits--all because of one of the Olsen twins is a witch or something. What?
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Say it isn't so, Sources!
According to People, this may be Charlie Sheen's last season on CBS's non-CSI flagship, Two and a Half Men.
After seven seasons, CBS’s hit sitcom Two and a Half Men will be down one man after the April 9 taping, sources tell PEOPLE. The reason? “Charlie’s just done,” says a set source. “And he’s quietly telling his friends he’s not coming back.”
Splitting his time among a tedious sitcom, domestic abuse, rehab, and doing drugs is probably taking its toll. This should be good for him. Probably not so good for that chubby half-man, though. From the day Two and a Half Men wraps, he has no more than four months before he'll show up on TMZ with a goatee and a crack pipe.
So now where will we turn to for a sitcom so formulaic it borders on parody? That David Spade one with Puddy?
A few months ago, CBS announced they planned to make yet another miserable sitcom, this one based on the Twitter account ShitMyDadSays. I naturally assumed Jerry Stiller would reprise his long-running crazy, screaming dad shtick in a third series, but no, the network has gone in a different direction: the stars!*
The Hollywood Reporter is reporting William Shatner will play the part of the shit-saying dad in the multi-camera series. Thus far only a pilot has been ordered, but I have a strong feeling CBS will be picking this one up. God knows we need something to fill the void once the network's star chubby Half-Man officially becomes just a third man.
*William Shatner starred in a popular television series set in space.
Ut oh, someone told CBS executives about Twitter, and now they want to get involved. Don't worry; they aren't starting accounts or anything. They're just purchasing the rights to the notion of a dad saying humorous things and developing the funny, popular account shitmydadsays into a sitcom:
CBS has picked up a comedy project based on the Twitter account, which has enlisted more than 700,000 followers since launching in August and has made its creator, Justin Halpern, an Internet star.
"Will & Grace" creators David Kohan and Max Mutchnick are on board to executive produce and supervise the writing for the multicamera family comedy, which Halpern will co-pen with Patrick Schumacker. Halpern and Schumacker will also co-exec produce the Warner Bros. TV-produced project, which has received a script commitment.
The comedy's title will change if it gets on the air.
Wow, that sounds like it will probably be terrible. But I suppose it makes sense. Television can't survive more than a couple years without seeing Jerry Stiller as a screaming father.
In news that grandpa would really enjoy were his brain not so muddled by dementia, CBS Films is developing a feature length adaptation of the long-running television series Gunsmoke:
The action-adventure will re-imagine Marshal Matt Dillon, the hero of the classic Western, for modern audiences. The story will be set in the same American West as the original but will feature a contemporary look and modern action twists.
I don't know exactly what they mean by all that, but seeing that the film is being written by Gregory Poirier, one of the writers of National Treasure: Book of Secrets, I'll just assume that "contemporary look" refers to the intense look that will be on Nicolas Cage's face as he performs "modern action twists," which probably means shooting dudes in slow motion while giving intense looks.
CBS Films will light up 'Gunsmoke' [Risky Business]
Walter Crokite, the only person I'll ever trust to tell me anything, died in his Manhattan home Friday after succumbing to cerebral vascular disease. He was 92. From his longtime employer, CBS News:
Cronkite was the face of the "CBS Evening News" from 1962 to 1981, when stories ranged from the assassinations of President John F. Kennedy and the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. to racial and anti-war riots, Watergate and the Iranian hostage crisis.
It was Cronkite who read the bulletins coming from Dallas when Kennedy was shot Nov. 22, 1963, interrupting a live CBS-TV broadcast of the soap opera "As the World Turns."
Cronkite was the broadcaster to whom the title "anchorman" was first applied, and he came so identified in that role that eventually his own name became the term for the job in other languages. (Swedish anchors are known as Kronkiters; In Holland, they are Cronkiters.)
And that's, unfortunately, the way it is.
Here's something else we don't need: an updated version of Hawaii Five-O. The bad news starts with the executive producer describing it as "Hawaii Five-O 2.0" (so cool!) and it only goes downhill from there. From the Hollywood Reporter (particularly stupid parts marked in bold):
CBS is saying aloha to a new installment of the "Hawaii Five-O" franchise from "Criminal Minds" exec producer/showrunner Ed Bernero. Bernero is writing the project, which he describes as "'Hawaii Five-O' 2.0."
Like the original series, it is a procedural chronicling the workings of the fictional Hawaiian state police department. In the original, the unit was headed by Steve McGarrett, played by Jack Lord. In the new series, McGarrett's son Chris will be the top cop.
The famous opening music will be back but may also get a face-lift, much in the vein of the theme from the 1966-73 series "Mission: Impossible," which was rearranged for the 1990s movie franchise.
As for the staple "Book 'em, Danno" closing line, there will be a version of it in the new installment, Bernero said.
Boy, I can't wait to hear the new "Book 'em, Danno." I hope they really run with this whole "2.0" theme relate it all back to the Web 2.0 thing. Maybe go with "Un-friend him, Danno"? "Digg him down, Danno"? "Book 'em, Danno, then tweet the booking so that all my online friends can know about it right away, because, god, Twitter is so hot right now"? CBS is so in-touch.
But if you're worried that this update isn't being handled by the right person, don't be. This guy loves Hawaii Five-O as much as I love "vibrate":
Bernero is such a big "Hawaii Five-O" fan that he has the iconic theme song from the show as his ringtone.
Wow. Let's just hope that when this new, awesomized theme song comes out, Bernero updates his phone with the modern version. For anthropological reasons, I mean, since after a couple months, that will probably be the only remaining evidence the show ever existed.