The Iranian media is reporting their government is planning to sue "Hollywood" over Argo, claiming the film is an "unrealistic portrayal" of how they react insanely and foolishly when Ben Affleck presents them with a movie.
Because here it is. And, hey, it turns out those Iranian airport guards maybe weren't such bad guys after all.
In Oscar-favorite Ben Affleck Pretends To Make a Movie: The Movie, one of Affleck's classic Affleck tricks is showing off some concept art from his fake production, even giving some away to his questioners. The film showed glimpses of the images as being pretty tame, unmemorable scenes of guys zipping around a desert on flying jet-skis, but as Armageddon once made clear, Affleck is not truth. In reality, the concept art was way fucking crazier than that, crafted by comics genius Jack Kirby prior to the government's involvement, when a guy named Barry Geller was trying to actually get the sci-fi film made under the title Lord of Light.
But while Argo did not use those drawings--probably because everyone in the audience would have been wondering why Iran wasn't like, "Sorry, Affleck, you can leave right now; we do not have any platforms resting atop four giant Galactus guys"--they're thankfully still around, and Buzzfeed has some high-res shots of the art. Have a look, then let's figure out how we're going to get this movie made for real, because wait until you see how awesome the Planetary Control Room is.
Directed by and starring Ben Affleck, looking as much like a remorseless date rapist as he has since Extract, Argo dramatizes the true story of the "Canadian Caper," when six U.S. diplomats caught in the Iran hostage crisis were smuggled out under the guise of being crew for a phony sci-fi film devised by the CIA's Ben Affleck character. Gotcha, Iran! USA rules (at extremely crazy, convoluted escape plans)! Here's the first trailer, which seems to mix political thrills, bumbling government work, and a greying-leading-man-turned-director in a way that comes across as distinctly Clooney-esque (Cloonean?). Don't worry: Clooney produced this goddammer, so it's fair use.
- Ben Affleck's Argo has been given a release date of September 14, 2012. Also, this is what Affleck is going to look like in that movie, presumably as he insists, "Is nice stereo system! Big bass for rap music! Why you not buy?"
- Ellen Page will play jealous ex-girlfriend to Alexander Skarsgård in The East, a thriller that stars Brit Marling as a mole infiltrating an anti-capitalist anarchist group led by Skarsgård. The film comes from a script by Marling and director Zal Batmanglij, whose name you should know because it has "Batman" in it. You should probably know every name that contains "Batman."
- Deadwood's Dennis Christopher is the latest to join Quentin Tarantino's Django Unchained. He'll be playing Leo Moguy, lawyer to Leonardo DiCaprio's evil slave master, so definitely expect this guy to die.
- In One Shot, the film in which Tom Cruise is trying to prove a sniper innocent, Spartacus: Blood and Sand's Jai Courtney will play a different sniper who is trying to kill T. Cruise. Are these guys pandering to snipers or what?
- Breaking Bad's Bryan Cranston--who already has a big part in that vexing Total Recall remake--will be joining John Goodman, Alan Arkin, and Ben Affleck in Ben Affleck's Argo, a film about the government's use of a fake sci-fi film to U.S. diplomats held hostage in Tehran. How far Seinfeld's Tim Whatley has come.
- Steve Carell is being looked at to star in FBI Wedding, a high concept comedy said to be something in between Stakeout and My Best Friend's Wedding. So I guess Steve Carell will be in love with his best friend, and will also be a cop with a mustache.
- Phil Clayton, best known as director of Lesbian Vampire Killers, has been hired to direct Miserable Excuse for a Hero, an adaptation of Bob Powers' novel about a guy forced to save a girl he barely knows when kidnappers confuse her for his girlfriend. Jesse Eisenberg, Michael Cera: you guys can sort out who will star in this one.
- Warner Bros. would like to get an adaptation of Glen David Gold's Carter Beats the Devil going with Johnny Depp in the lead. The plot involves the titular '20s magician being accused of killing Warren G. Harding, sending him on the lam. Which gets me thinking: why don't we falsely accuse of Criss Angel of something?
- And here's the full Killer Elite poster. SCOWL HARDER, JASON STATHAM. Your life may depend on it.
- When the Arrested Development movie doesn't pan out, at least we'll have these Arrested Development paper dolls to play with. Go to illustrator Kyle Hilton's blog and see the rest he's done. There's another full page of ridiculous Tobias outfits! Please keep making these, Kyle.
- The Daily Mail claims Ralph Fiennes is up for "a darkly complex" role in the next Bond movie. They're often full of shit with their casting scoops, but then again, you don't toss around a headline like "A Fiennes choice for a Bond star" unless you're serious.
- LucasArts' SNES cult classic Zombies Ate My Neighbors is likely headed to the big screen. A Maniac Mansion movie would be better. Just saying.
- Bond girl Eva Green has been cast as the female lead opposite Johnny Depp in Tim Burton's adaptation of '60s horror soap Dark Shadows. Nope, not Helena Bonham Carter.
- Stephen King apparently learned about plans for a remake of The Stand the same way we did: on internet. He also wouldn't mind Jake Gyllenhaal being in it.
- Ben Affleck is in early talks to direct Argo, a film about the the Tehran hostage crisis "which is said to also contain elements of wry humor." Time we finally had some laughs at that whole hostage thing, guys.
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I Watch Stuff is a movie and video blog dedicated to bringing you the best and worst that Hollywood and the Internet have to offer and then, more often than not, making fun of it because it sucks.
