If you thought Chris Hemsworth's charismatic delivery of Thor's dialogue meant he could sell anything, you haven't yet heard the lines he's asked to say with a grimace in Red Dawn. The predictably-polished remake of the 1984 original casts Hemsworth, Josh Peck, Josh Hutcherson, Adrianne Palicki, Isabel Lucas, and Connor Cruise (yes, of being adopted by Tom Cruise fame) as the fervently-jingoistic modern equivalents of Patrick Swayze, C. Thomas Howell, Charlie Sheen, Lea Thompson, and so on, tasked with defending their football and chain bar & grill-loving small town from the invading forces of North Korea (changed from China at the last minute in the interest of the Chinese box office numbers).
Red Dawn, like the similarly-Hemsworth-buzzcut-sporting Cabin in the Woods, was shelved for a few years while MGM was going through some financial troubles, but it seems likely it will only do better because of it. Thor and Snow White and the Huntsman have made a big star out of Hemsworth, while The Hunger Games has made Hutcherson a notable name in militant youths--not to mention what Olympics gymnastics has done for the popularity of cheering for attractive teenagers to defeat an bewilderingly-mobile Asian threat. Here's the completely functional trailer:
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Both long delayed while a bankrupt MGM got its shit together, an exciting new chapter of the Bond series and a disheartening new chapter of remaking everything from the '80s are coming to theaters this November with Skyfall and Red Dawn. The Skyfall Facebook and Yahoo have some new posters for each, so hold tight to Javier Bardem's flowing, flaxen mane and continue the adventure of seeing those below.
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This latest trailer for G.I. Joe: Retaliation wastes little time in explaining why Joe star Channing Tatum was so absent from the last trailer for the film. As the preview--and presumably the actual film--opens, the entire G.I. Joe action figure line is attacked by the U.S.'s own forces, taking out the majority of the team, Tatum included. More likely it will turn out Tatum is alive in the hospital or something, leaving the team in the hands of a new leader for but one movie, because that formula worked well enough for Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel. But as far as why The Rock is now seemingly leader of a Wayans-free Joe team, that's why.
As for why the Joes were attacked, it's because Cobra has wrested control of the White House, and not even in the polite way lobbyists do it. Thanks to the shape-shifting powers of Arnold Vosloo, Cobra has literally taken over the presidency, placing themselves in power and turning the surviving G.I. Joe figures into criminals. Finding it tough to hide out when half their team is composed of an enormous, shorn man and the personification of a black dildo, the Joes turn to the only man they can trust: G.I. Joe himself, Bruce Willis, who seems to have contributed a few wisecracks on the condition that he be allowed to shoot them all in sequence in front of a green screen. Willis grants the Joes use of that super awesome tank vehicle your parents refused to buy you because they already bought you the Turtle Blimp for your birthday, and, well, now The Rock has one less pithy quip he can use in Fast Six:
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As the trailer for G.I. Joe: Retaliation opens, already the eponymous team is being betrayed. Like a mom angry that she keeps stepping on your little plastic men, the U.S. President (or, more likely, Arnold Vosloo's evil Disguise Man) has ordered the elimination of all G.I. Joes, thus immediately rationalizing a huge casting shake-up over on the good guy's side. With G.I. Wayans and the lot seemingly dead from the outset, the team is now led by either The Rock or a strangely absent Channing Tatum, and the only other members of the team appear to be a different babe, some dude, and a handful of ninjas. And, with Dennis Quaid apparently also MIA, there's only one man the gruop can trust: Bruce Willis. Because if you can't trust the guy who briefly swings by in an El Camino just to pick up his wisecrack check, who can you trust?
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Despite earlier this year received much pointing and scornful laughter when she showed up to the Internet wearing this ridiculous Wonder Woman outfit, Adrianne Palicki seemingly remains open to the idea of more fanboy criticism/reluctant masturbation, as she'll reportedly be attempting to portray a geek-favorite character again. According to Deadline, the Friday Night Lights star has signed to play G.I. Joe covert operations specialist Lady Jaye, said to be the film's female lead opposite Channing Tatum's Duke.
Additionally, Bruce Willis might be in this goddammer, too. With director Jon M. Chu basically starting over with the cast (save for Tatum) and replacing them with analogs, it sounds like Willis might take over the elder role once filled by Dennis Quaid, the rumor being he could be playing the team's eponym, (G.I.) Joe Colton. His involvement is still pretty questionable, though, so for now let's just count on Palicki once again embodying a fan-fetishized character. And on that note, here's a montage of Lady Jaye clips that was assembled by a terrifying man who sure likes watching ladies get knocked out:
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NBC's Wonder Woman was on the streets of Los Angeles last night shooting some scenes for the ill-conceived series and, as the single positive side-effect of this labor, revealed a slightly different costume than the all-vinyl Halloween costume we were first presented with. Producers--seemingly responding to widespread criticism that giving their supposed "non-campy" character a plasticy varnish did, in fact, kind of made her campy--apparently forced the costume department to stay up all night gluing stars to jeggings, and now we have this ever-so-slightly toned down getup begging, "Come on, Internet, is this better?" We guess so, NBC.
Says Entertainment Weekly, "NBC promises the project, if picked up to series, will offer a serious, non-campy take on the DC Comics character."
In case you missed it, Red Dawn, the 1984 film that helped us to realize that Patrick Swayze, Charlie Sheen, and Jennifer Grey are our only true defense against the Communist hordes, is being remade. I'm sorry, but you just need to hurry up and accept that, because now there's also some casting news you need to swallow:
Josh Peck and Adrianne Palicki have been cast in MGM/UA's remake of "Red Dawn," set to begin filming in September. They join the already cast Chris Hemsworth in the story of a group of teenagers who form an impromptu insurgency when their town is invaded by Chinese and Russian soldiers.
Peck will play Matt Eckert -- the role originated by Charlie Sheen -- the hotheaded younger brother of Hemsworth's Jed Eckert and star quarterback of their Spokane high school football team. Palicki will play Toni, the role first inhabited by Jennifer Grey. She's a tough fighter the brothers encounter who develops romantic feelings for Jed, a Marine home on leave and the group's unofficial leader.
Adrianne Palicki as Jennifer Grey and Josh Peck as Charlie Sheen? I guess I can believe that. By which I mean I can see Palicki ruining her career with plastic surgery and Peck becoming two-fifths of an all-male household and the butt of prostitution monologue jokes.
Two cast in 'Red Dawn' remake [THR]
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