Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter will probably not be a very good movie. It is, however, a very 3D movie, and the makers of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter want you to know that with this latest, CGI-bloodiest trailer, which features many gratuitous shots of whips, axes, guns, and hands flying at the screen in thrilling(?) three-dimensions (if you were to be wearing special glasses).
If Osombie seemed slightly too lowbrow for your taste, but you still want to be there when the historical-fiction genre collapses in on itself, give this trailer for Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter a go. In the Tim Burton-produced, Timur Bekmambetov-directed film, Benjamin Walker stars as the 16th President, who now has an axe, and uses that axe to fell both tree and vampire with a single crushing, slow-motion blow. And that's about it:
While Lincoln is the Abraham Lincoln film stealing most of the spotlight thanks to the involvement of Steven Spielberg and lack of a fictionalized vampire-killin' storyline, the one that will next arrive in theaters is Timur Bekmambetov's Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. We've seen a couple photos from that production already, but the latest issue of weekly entertainment periodical Entertainment Weekly has the first really clear look at star Benjamin Walker in costume as the Great Emancipator, which you can now see above thanks to UHM (via). Lincolny? Sure. So Lincolny that he'd still look like a fiver in dad jeans while eating a little sausage? I'm sorry, but only Daniel Day-Lewis will ever be that Lincolny.
- When viewed in person, this new Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter poster switches between the image of the 16th President in the Oval Office and a crazy, drunk man alone in the woods and dressed like Lincoln for reasons he can't clearly recall.
Production design on Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter: It's more than just adding some American flags to the leftover Van Helsing sets, apparently! With this film competing on the same stage as a href="http://www.iwatchstuff.com/2011/05/lincoln-gets-more-people-to-pretend-bein.php">Spielberg-directed Lincoln biopic, director Timur Bekmambetov is determined to make this film so, so REAL (except for all the vampire shit), everyone. Says The New York Times:
Going a considerable step beyond the Grahame-Smith novel, it embeds Lincoln, played by Benjamin Walker, within a meticulously researched, surprisingly authentic, three-dimensional past -- but with vampires.
"We are very committed," said Timur Bekmambetov, the movie's director.
The film's production designer, François Audouy, has an unexpected approach to the historical aspects. He uses both computer effects and actual locations to blend the real and the artificial in ways that could only be imagined when Woody Allen posed with Calvin Coolidge and Herbert Hoover in "Zelig" and Forrest Gump received a Medal of Honor from Lyndon B. Johnson. In the production office here in Louisiana recently, where the film will be shooting into next month, Mr. Audouy's associates were sorting through a stack of seemingly authentic Civil War maps, just a tiny sampling of the myriad props that are turning "Vampire Hunter" into a true period epic.
"Seemingly authentic Civil War maps" are in this? Sounds like substitute history teachers have a new way to lazily teach that chapter, then. Goodbye, Glory!
Danny DeVito will lend his vocal talents to the iconic title character of the Lorax, while Ed Helms will voice the enigmatic Once-ler. Also bringing their talents to the film are global superstars Zac Efron as Ted, the idealistic young boy who searches for the Lorax, and Taylor Swift as Audrey, the girl of Ted's dreams. Rob Riggle will play financial king O'Hare, and beloved actress Betty White has signed on to portray Ted's wise Grammy Norma.
What I like about the diversity of this cast is that I could tell you exactly who would be what race and class in a D&D party.
- Community and The Soup's consummate wise-ass Joel McHale is in talks to follow up roles in Spy Kids, The Big Year, and What's Your Number? with a part as a sleazy boss in Seth McFarlane's feature-length excuse to voice a live-action living teddy bear, Ted. Ah, Joel, I can still remember when you were selling me Spicy Tendercrisp chicken sandwiches.
- Richard Kelly's next will be a more straightforward than usual thriller about "a mentally unstable Iraq war veteran, who forges a strange friendship with his boss, a wealthy and politically ambitious owner of a supermarket chain." A&P meets PTSD! But you'll still like Donnie Darko more.
- Unknown actress Robin McLeavy has been cast as Mary Todd in Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. Latino Review broke the news, adding, "McLeavy is way prettier than her real life counterpart," so forget about Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter's historical accuracy.
Seems Joaquin Phoenix is done enough with being fake crazy to start acting again, and what better way to jump back into the fray than with a movie that incorporates horror icons for novelty effect? According to Deadline, the actor/pseudo-rapper is in talks to join Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, the upcoming Timur Bekmambetov-directed adaptation of Seth Grahame-Smith's novel about Lincoln killing vampires, which will likely star Benjamin Walker as the 16th President. Phoenix would play fictional Lincoln's fictional mentor, Henry, described as, "a mythic, ageless figure who turns Lincoln into an axe-throwing expert slayer of vampires." So if you were wondering where that whole I'm Still Here documentary thing put the actor's career, the answer is apparently about the same spot Donald Sutherland's career was at when he decided to be in 1992's Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Benjamin Walker, the actor known mostly for Broadway's Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson and for nearly being a blue fur-covered X-Man, has signed to star in the title role of Timur Bekmambetov's adaptation of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. The source material is exactly what it sounds like--as in, not Lincoln vanquishing the metaphorical vampirism of slave traders living off the "blood" of their cargo; just actual fucking vampires--and, unsurprisingly, comes from Seth Grahame-Smith, writer of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and a guy who seemingly thinks it's hilarious to add vogue monsters to anything and everything. Kafka's Werewolf Metamorphosis is pretty much gonna write itself, huh, Seth?