As the trend of the previous Get Smart posters forebode, the most recent incarnation appears to now be completely devoid of any comedy at all. Sure, the line "...and loving it" is a direct cribbing of one of Don Adams' famed catchphrases from the original 60's show, but when no one younger than an 80's Nickelodeon kid would get the reference, let alone find it funny, there may be a problem. And how can Steve Carell appear so unenthused as he holds the legendary shoe phone?! I begged my parents to order me one during every Nick-At-Nite commercial for it for years. What an ungrateful asshole.
Douchebag apotheosis Chris Evans recently spoke about the future of the Fantastic Four film franchise with his most trusted news source, MTV News. Things don't look so good for Marvel's first family of film. Apparently harsh criticism of the first two entries has sufficiently discouraged the studio and Evans:
“I’m pretty sure we won’t do [another] one,” insisted “Fantastic Four” star Chris Evans, who excelled in two films as the Human Torch. “I’m assuming that one is a closed book.”
Shame. You mean to tell me there wasn't anything but universal praise for the inspired choices made in Fantastic Four and Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer? Mr. Fantastic using his malleable form to reach toilet paper and dance in a nightclub were pretty great scenes. As was every opportunity found to get Jessica Alba in her underwear. And Johnny Storm extreme snowboarding was so awesome! I know I for one really appreciated Galactus being apapted from his normal comic book form into the less dynamic and more palatable form of a goddamn cloud.
Rest in peace, Fantastic Four film franchise. You will be missed.
With the unavailability of Raul Julia, the latest Street Fighter movie attempt has at last found an actor to fill the jackboots once occupied by The Man Who Would Be Gomez Addams. Disturbingly puffy-faced pretty-boy Neal McDonough, heretofore known to me as shirtless screaming blonde guy in Ravenous, is set to portray the villainous M. Bison to Kristin Kreuk's titular heroine in Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li. As you may recall, McDonough joins an already talent-heavy cast including the jock from American Pie, The Kingpin and a Black Eyed Pea. Look for audiences to whiningly complain McDonough is being f***ing cheap by using the 'Psycho Crusher' move over and over starting sometime next year.
After having only a single issue reach newsstands, Ain't It Cool News is already reporting that a motion picture adaptation of Marvel Comics' Kick-Ass is being written, and will be directed, by Matthew Vaughn of Layer Cake fame. (See Vaughn's long-gestating Thor movie or his abandoned work on X-Men: The Last Stand for proof of his ability to talk about making comic book movies.) The comic follows an average teenager's attempts to be a superhero in a world much like ours, where superpowers and superheroes are bullshit.
The bigscreen treatment of Kick-Ass comes as no surprise, considering that series creator Mark Millar once bragged of pitching the comic as “Superbad meets Spider-Man.” I assume that Millar decided to pre-package further comic properties for ease of Hollywood executive use after the trailers for his Wanted evoked "The Matrix meets One of the Matrix Sequels." Executives LOVE meetings between two things they've heard of. Just love 'em.
Sony Pictures has put up the red band trailer for 30 Days of Night as well as an exclusive scene from the film after the trailer. I wasn't too impressed by the graphic novel but the movie looks like it has potential. If anything because there's vampires, blood, and, wait for it, a little vampire girl getting her head smashed in with an axe. Although the editing and camera work is pretty typical of horror films; ie. less than spectacular. It's like the director said, "You know what, let's not try to capture the action on film. Let's just shake the camera around really hard, throw in some screaming, and then we'll cut to a shot of a dead person covered in blood."
You can check out the red band trailer here, and a bunch of screen shots from the trailer after the jump.
NOTE: There's an age-verification but it's extremely flawed (I'm over 21 but couldn't get access) so if you have trouble accessing it you can use the info of the MPAA president, Dan Glickman:
Name: Daniel Glickman
Birth date: 11/24/44
Zip Code: 20016
Anjelica Huston is set to play Sam Rockwell's mother in the upcoming movie adaptation of the Chuck "Holy Shit Do I Ever Need a Pen Name" Palahniuk's (Fight Club) novel Choke. Besides Rockwell, she joins Kelly MacDonald, Brad Henke, and newcomer director Clark Gregg, who also wrote the script.
Aside from the fact that I've been waiting for this movie for a long time, it reminds me of a little story - so if you'll allow me a little autobiographical license...
Laurence Fishburne and an independent production company have bought the rights to the movie version of Paulo Coelho's novel The Alchemist. Fishburne wrote the script and is also set to direct.
He directs AND writes! And to think, all this time I just thought he had a soothing voice, strong yet gentle hands, and a substantial, but not unapproachable male endowment.
I appreciate that they've thrown some choral music over the new trailer for Hitman to dull the blow of stupidity, but I can still tell it's retarded. Just like church.
c. 2036 - Gypsy Starship Cruise donning traditional Scientology union ceremony garb
This post is mainly for all the readers who seem to have heard of every "graphic novel" ever written. Personally, I prefer books without pictures. Go figure. Anyway, Brian Grazer, who's done some good work, and Ron Howard, who...hasn't, will be producing a screen adaptation of the graphic novel Cowboys and Aliens.
The graphic novel mixes Western and science fiction genres. Set in 1800s Arizona, a skirmish between cowboys and Apaches is interrupted by the crash landing of a space ship. The alien commander plans to tame the Old West and enslave everyone, but the cowboys and Native Americans turn their six-guns against the alien invaders.
It totally reminds me of that old commercial where the aliens come down from the sky and start giving a cow an anal probe and the old Injun dude standing nearby sheds a single tear. That was touching.
According to Club Keanu, the rumor that Keanu Reeves was offered the part of Dr. Manhattan in the upcoming Watchmen adaptation is indeed true, though the actor has turned down the role. I'm somewhat surprised he wouldn't take it, since it seems like this thing's going to be a pretty big deal, but still not nearly as surprised as I am with the existence of a "Club Keanu."
If I was invisible, I would live in Marisa Miller's bathtub.
David Goyer has signed on to write and direct a new version of The Invisible Man. Hollywood has made a version of this movie how many times now? Just look how many entries there are for it on IMDB, and that doesn't even include Memoirs of an Invisible Man or Hollow Man or the countless pornos where an invisible man lives in the girls' locker room masturbating (okay that last one may have just been a fantasy of mine).
Honestly though, in five or ten years there's just going to be like three f***ing movies that they remake over and over and over again. And I know a bunch of you dorks out there are going to be whining "None of the other movie versions have been any good, if they stick to the original story it could be awesome, blah blah blah..." Well I'm here to tell you that it's going to suck. It's a stupid idea to make another one. This version won't be any better than any of the others, there's no Santa Clause and you're just going to rot after you die. Now leave me alone, Daddy has a hangover.
A still from Busch Gardens' Corkscrew Hill ride, which may or may not involve pig boys and arson.
Following what seemed to be a winning formula with Disney and Pirates of the Caribbean, Busch Gardens has announced they will be adapting their Corkscrew Hill ride for the big screen. The stereoscopic 3-D ride is an attraction at Busch Gardens Europe, located in Williamsburg, Virginia, which makes absolutely no sense to me. Jeff Kleiser and Diana Walczak, who wrote and directed the ride, have already developed the attraction into a script, leading to the question: rides have writers and directors?
As of this time, I have no confirmation that anyone has ever actually been on this ride or to a Busch Gardens.
Sam Jackson, who did The Man, The Farce of the Penguins, a sequel to xXx that even Vin Diesel wouldn't show up for, and probably your cousin's bat mitsvah if you showed him the money, will be playing the Octopus in Frank Miller's upcoming adaptation of The Spirit. I don't know much about the Octopus, but I do hope he calls people "motherf***er".
Will Eisner’s “The Spirit” follows detective Denny Colt as he fights crime with the blessing of the city’s police force. And the Octopus? “Well, the Octopus actually created Spirit when you come down to it,” Jackson said, enthusiasm bubbling over as he began to describe the characters’ origins. “He was sort of a mad scientist who worked at a morgue. Spirit was a young cop who got killed. So when his body came in, he was working on this kind of serum that would make people sort of immortal. He tried it on [Spirit] and he came back to life, and then he tried it on himself, so he could be, you know, his nemesis and he became even stronger.”
So, to sum up, The Spirit is about sort of a mad scientist who makes kind of a serum that makes people sort of immortal. I plan on seeing it, and kind of wearing pants. Sort of.
30 Days of Night, based on the popular graphic novel, tells the story of a group led by Josh Hartnett trying to fight off a horde of vampires. The catch? They're above the Arctic Circle, so it's night for 30 days! Without the burden of daylight, it's a virtual vampire spring break--a full month of non-stop binge drinking [of blood].
This trailer reminds me of a disturbing trend in the modern vampire: too many are willing to run around mad for blood, openly showing they're mutant vampires. What ever happened to your gentlemanly, Dracula-style vampire? It's like the new vampire is a rapist, while Dracula was more of a date-rapist. Both are going to attack you in an unwanted way that will leave you violated, but at least with Dracula you get the seduction. Whether being turned into a vampire or raped, I expect dinner first.
As a follow-up to yesterday's crappy poster, here's the trailer to I Am Legend. In Will Smith's latest vehicle--the first vehicle to which he hasn't said, "Damn, I gotta get me one a'these!"--we're meant to believe the Fresh Prince is a "brilliant scientist" left alone after a plague wipes out New York. Then he fights some vampires.
The first half of the trailer looks like it's just the scenes with Smith's family in Independence Day, while the rest seems bent on us thinking he looks cool working out, playing golf, and driving a nice car. Couldn't we get at least a glimpse of a vampire? Even a shot of a goth kid would be better than the two minutes of sports and leisure we get. It's like he's selling post-apocalyptic New York as a vacation resort.
Tyler Perry, a guy whose previous three movies (as director) have grossed $200 million worldwide and sold 15 million DVDs who has somehow managed to stay off my radar, will soon be directing the film adaptation of his stage play, Meet the Browns.
Much in the vein of "Diary of a Mad Black Woman" and "Madea's Family Reunion," Perry's "Meet the Browns" is about a single mother who rediscovers the joys of family and the possibility of second chances when meeting the fun-loving family of her father, whom she never knew.
Honestly, does anyone know anything about this guy? It's like black folks have this whole secret world of entertainment that I know nothing about. It's like he's the black Larry the Cable Guy. Except, you know, probably not as much of a douchebag (but really I'm just guessing here).
If shooting things up isn't your cup of tea, how about "a timeless, universal, and deeply emotional story about the secrets we share and the defining moments of connection between mothers and daughters, family and friends, and the loves of our lives"? If you don't have a vagina before watching, you're guaranteed to afterwards.
With a cast that looks suspiciously like a Gap commercial, you'll likely find yourself worrying throughout the melodrama, "Shouldn't Meryl Streep be in this kind of over-the-top Oscar-fodder?" Don't worry, she shows up.
In 30 Days of Night, based on the graphic novel series, some vampires move to Alaska to take advantage of the month of darkness geography provides the area, allowing the bastards to drink blood all day without the burden of daylight. It's probably the most clever move in vampire history.
I feel like the poster really captures the mood of, "Arrrggghhh! I'm sick of this! It's been like a month of darkness, plus we've got these vampires, so it's not just the lack of light bothering me!" Looking again, I think it's actually a vampire, so maybe the mood is more, "Arrrrggghhh! I am really loving this 30 days of night! Best vampire idea yet!" You decide.
Warner Bros. has optioned a Thundercats script and are planning a live action version, a la Transformers feature-length, CGI-animated version.
I'm sure a few of you out there are going to be excited, and I can understand, because I too enjoyed Thundercats when I was 7. I think we even named our soccer team the Thundercats when they allowed us to choose our own mascot. But you know what else I liked when I was 7? Eating paste. Making things out of grass. Seeing how many grapes I could fit in my mouth. Pulling my penis out in public. Danny Glover. Bottom line, I've grown out of eat least two of those, and, dare I say it, I think the same is true for Thundercats. For those of you who don't remember the plot of the original:
[Thundercats] revolves around a group of humanoid cats (with feline names like Lion-O, Tygra, Panthro and Cheetara) who must flee their planet of Thundera after it's destroyed. Once crash-landing on another planet, Third Earth, they must thwart Mumm-Ra, an evil sorcerer, bent on killing them off.
Awesome. Maybe they can hire Andrew Lloyd Webber to do the music.
