I Watch Stuff - Probably The Worst Movie Blog You've Ever Seen

Larry David HBO Movie Has Teaser, Hobo Hair

2013-05-20T14:31:20Z

Still no new season of Curb, but this August, Larry David will at least give us an apparently more-hirsute form of improvised hysterics with the original movie Clear History. Premiering on HBO, the largely-ad-libbed comedy stars David as a marketing executive who gets into an argument with boss Jon Hamm and drops his 10% stake in their electric car start-up; disgraced when the company soon becomes a billion-dollar success, David's Nathan Flomm changes his name and retreats to an island, where he later finds himself again confronted by Hamm's obnoxious success in business and genetics. Arguments on social norms and personal taboos presumably ensue.

EW has just debuted a teaser and first image from the film, and from the looks of it, this could be a major departure for David. Mostly in that there won't be any "bald/four-eyed fuck" jokes in this, because L.D. looks like Patrick Stewart as a vacationing caveman. Anyway, there's also a short promo for the film, where you can see David's new, flowing locks blow in the breeze of a convertible. Have a look below.

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Superbad director Greg Mottola is directing the film--though, clearly, longtime Seinfeld/Curb director Larry Charles is there in spirit.

Happy Easter: It's a New 'Anchorman: The Legend Continues' Trailer

2013-05-20T13:31:05Z

Now one year since early Anchorman 2 teasers first brought everyone back together, here's a new teaser, with even more of the cast saying spouting catchphrases and/or showing symptoms of mental illness. Savor it, because the film still isn't coming out until Christmas.

Also, in further Anchorman cameo news, turns out Drake shot a scene in the sequel this weekend, spotted Saturday choking Brick with a hockey stick. Apparently Degrassi didn't teach this guy his lesson about taunting troubled outcasts.

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'Atlantic Rim' Trailer: Different Rim, Slightly Less-Expensive Robots

2013-05-17T20:44:50Z

In Guillermo del Toro's Pacific Rim, giant monsters rise up from the Pacific ocean to wage war on man, and man responds by creating massive, powerful mech-suits to fight back the beasts. Meanwhile, in rip-off expert The Asylum's Atlantic Rim, that also happens, but due to trademark and budgetary constraints, now it happens in the Atlantic, the robots are controlled by looking like you're going bodyboarding, and the biggest star is Maverick and Die Hard 3 supporting actor Graham Greene. Otherwise, same thing. Here's the trailer:

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He was the first one to sign up AND he passed all the tests? Now that sounds like the kind of punctual, satisfactory antihero I can get behind!

(Thanks, Chris)

David O. Russell To Show How Actually Robert De Niro Killed JFK

2013-05-17T19:11:38Z

David O. Russell, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Robert De Niro are reportedly getting in on the recent trend of re-murdering Kennedy with an adaptation of Legacy of Secrecy. Showbiz411 claims DiCaprio's Appian Way production company is finally moving forward with its option on the possibly non-fiction book, hiring on David O. Russell to write and direct the film about how the President really died: from a mob hit, duh. De Niro is said to be returning to both Russell's direction and his old mafioso schtick to play Carlos Marcello, the New Orleans kingpin who, before his death in 1993, supposedly said he was the one who put out the JFK kill order. Since then, his claim has been substantiated by evidence Kennedy was indeed shot.

The assassination has been a popular topic in the last couple years, with Tom Hanks and Jonathan Demme both already at work on their own projects on the subject. But seeing as Demme's further involves a time traveler meeting Elvis and other past celebrities, and Tom Hanks' involves Tom Hanks, Russell's take is at least unique in that it in no way resembles Forrest Gump.

Melissa Joan Hart's Kickstarter Movie Didn't Go So Well

2013-05-17T17:30:42Z

Evidently, the Melissa & Joey fan community is not the vast well of discretionary income Melissa Joan Hart assumed it was. While Zach Braff is off spending his Kickstarter money on the extravagances of Mandy Patinkin, Hart this week was forced to cancel her Kickstart project you're just hearing about now.

]]> Like Braff, she'd been hoping to raise $2 million for a passion project, a Melissa Joan Hart vehicle titled Darci's Walk of Shame. Hart's Sabrina the Teenage Witch director Tibor Takács was attached to direct the film, a break from his making films almost entirely about spiders, tornadoes, and Mansquitos. Unfortunately, after just over a month of the Kickstarter's 45-day run, Hart had raised only around $50k for her "Funny, sexy, screwball, adult, romantic comedy," so she's quietly canceled the fundraising effort. That means she'll lose what's already been raised, but Clarissa's fans should not despair. While she may lose her funding, nothing will ever take away Drive Me Crazy.

(Thanks, Todd)

Christopher Nolan Offered Next Bond

2013-05-17T15:36:17Z

Just as J.J. Abrams has been given the keys to all our best space nerdery, it seems Christopher Nolan is getting handed all the action guys with cool toys and suits. The Daily Mail reports that, with Sam Mendes leaving the 007 franchise after Skyfall, the Dark Knight director has been approached to take over and finally name Michael Caine the new Bond.

]]> Of course, the story also notes that these informal talks are in "early days," and there are more reasons than not Nolan would turn down the offer. Among them: he's already in the thick of pre-production on Interstellar, his sci-fi film set to send Matthew McConaughey, Anne Hathaway, and Jessica Chastain into a wormhole or something. Plus, the job would reportedly mean "at least a year to 18 months of pre-production preparation and then six months of filming," which might not be what Nolan is looking for so soon after getting out of another massive franchise.

But as the story also notes, "It does no harm for [Bond producers] Broccoli and Wilson to talk with Nolan, even if nothing happens this time round." After all, this could be their only chance to ask if you could incept a cat.

Spike Lee Taking Michael Mann's 'Gold'

2013-05-17T14:56:48Z

TheWrap reports Spike Lee has come on to direct Gold, a film Michael Mann was going to direct until he realized no golden riches would ever give him the pleasure of killing horses. Written by Patrick Massett and John Zinman, the film tells the true story of the Bre-X mineral scandal, when it was discovered that the company's supposedly gold-rich mine contained only Goldschläger-level deposits. The focus is reportedly on "a rough-around-the-edges prospector," but as the incident occurred in the mid-1990s, we will unfortunately not be seeing an 1850s John Turturro shouting "tarnation," and that is the greatest fraud of all.

'Nymphomaniac' Cast Photo Highlights Genital Maintenance

2013-05-17T13:37:24Z

Featuring the film's main stars but, somehow, no visibly anguished women, here's the first full cast photo from the set of Lars von Trier's Nymphomaniac. The image was released yesterday as part of the film's Cannes presence; though it's not showing there (the director hasn't yet finished its second chapter), production company Zentropa has revealed that the film will open in von Trier's native Denmark on December 25, marrying the Wise Men's trek with Charlotte Gainsbourgh's journey of sexual awakening. Happy Christmas!

Now, since Lars von Trier's typically understated style may have you missing a few of the subtle details of his porn tableau, I'll go over some highlights.

]]> - Shia LaBeouf is bad at hide-and-seek.

- Udo Kier staring up Uma Thurman's dress while jamming a coffee table leg into a melon. (Symbolism.)

- Mia Goth casually stomping on Stellan Skarsgård's crotch, when he was just trying to unwind on his plastic-covered couch.

- Willem Dafoe foolishly trying to carry coffee and dance while receiving a crotch-washing.

- Star Charlotte Gainsbourg, too, receiving a crotch-washing. Though hers is from Christian Slater, so probably a more expensive washing.

- Billy Elliott is going to have to clean all this up.

- Just a big ol' vat a' lube.

- A banana rising up from between two apples; a long cactus rising up from between two smaller, round cacti; a champagne bottle overflowing. Think about it. You have until at least Christmas.

'Last Vegas' Trailer Finally Gets De Niro, Freeman, Douglas, and Kline Together, with LMFAO

2013-05-16T20:00:05Z

In honor of their years creating memorable characters and providing powerful performances, seasoned actors Michael Douglas, Robert De Niro, Morgan Freeman, and Kevin Kline have been rewarded with a trip to Las Vegas, compliments of 3 Ninjas, Cool Runnings, and National Treasure director Jon Turteltaub. Once there, they'll be spending roughly 90 minutes referencing their ages, pretending to be drunk, and dropping prescription medication names, and to top it off, their fading lives will hit simultaneous peaks with a meet-and-greet with at least the LMFAO guy with the hair, if not also the other one. You can join in on all the excitement this November, but since it's understandably hard to wait that long, here's a little preview:

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Old people in Vegas! It's funny because it's not actually an anomaly.

Main 'Pacific Rim' Trailer: Natural Enemies Robots and Monsters Continue Dispute

2013-05-16T18:47:55Z

Guillermo del Toro's Pacific Rim continues to be exactly what its premise suggests with even more footage of giant robots fighting giant monsters. If that sounds like something you'd like to see for yourself, have a look below at the new "official main trailer." If not, know that you're missing out on this big-ass metal dude all like BOOOOOSH in this idiot monster's face.

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Still a Couple More 'Arrested Development' Things

2013-05-16T16:46:19Z

As surely as cash remains in the fruit kiosk, so too does each day bring a new reason to bring up how Arrested Development is coming back in like a week-and-a-half now. Today's first item comes straight from The Creator himself, Mitch Hurwitz yesterday tweeting that he's at last finished the fourth season's final mix, comforting us that there will indeed be gifts under the tree come Christmas morn. More importantly, though, he offered a tip for your viewing party/day of sitting on the couch solitary and unbathed.

Remember how Hurwitz planned to make it so the new episodes could be watched in any order? Well, that did not work out so well. "Turns out I was not successful in creating a form where the setup follows the punch line," Hurwitz explained. Maybe he can figure it out for the movie, and finally give us the Pulp Fiction of canceled television show films.

]]> But while Hurwitz wasn't able to sort out the physics of a running gag with no starting point, meanwhile, fan Chris Doty has managed to work out pretty much everything else about the show's recurring joke structure. And at Recurring Developments, he's set up an interactive visual representation of them all, charting references to Ann Hog, hop-ons, nevernudity, and over 70 other topics into what's basically a map of the Bluth DNA strand. At least until the introduction of new genetic material. May 26.

(Thanks, Kelvin)

David Brent Will Teach You Guitar

2013-05-16T15:33:56Z

Since returning from home with his guitar for Comic Relief back in March, David Brent hasn't given up on his music ambitions. Now Ricky Gervais's self-proclaimed "teacher, rebel, songwriter, rep" is following in the path of industry legend Dan Smith with a series of guitar tutorials. The first video will arrive next week, but in the meantime, here's a teaser with a sample of Brent's latest roadway-inspired cut, "Life on the Road."

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Maybe Steve Carell will show up on The Office finale tonight, too. So this can be a full day of "Oh, I guess he's still willing to act like that?"

[UPDATED] U.S. Citizen Reese Witherspoon Allowed To Stand on American Ground and Be in Paul Thomas Anderson's 'Inherent Vice'

2013-05-16T14:50:52Z

Bringing back together the award-winning chemistry of Walk the Line, and also half the leads of the 2010 James L. Brooks comedy How Do You Know, Paul Thomas Anderson has added Reese Witherspoon to the cast of Inherent Vice. She'll appear alongside former co-stars Joaquin Phoenix and Owen Wilson in the Thomas Pynchon adaptation, a '70s-set detective tale of kidnapping and getting high. Benicio del Toro recently joined the production as well, while Philip Seymour Hoffman remains conspicuously absent. A film can only hold so many flowing blonde tresses.

UPDATE: Jena Malone and Martin Short have also reportedly joined the film as, respectively, a former drug addict and "Fuckin' Martin Short! When's the last time I saw that guy in a movie?"

'V/H/S/ 2' Red-Band Trailer: This Footage Is So Horrifyingly Found!

2013-05-16T13:40:47Z

VHS--the spookiest of home video formats, forever haunted by the last half of Gremlins 2 taped off Showtime--returns to again plague our cushy, DVR-coddled lives in V/H/S/ 2. Like the original chapter of the horror anthology, the film uses the horror found-footage approach as a jumping point for finding some more, also horrific found footage, that footage being the most found of all found footage and, therefore, probably the scariest.

The directors of The Raid, You're Next, Hobo with a Shotgun, and founding footage father The Blair Witch Project are among the contributors this time around, and it appears they've brought to the table such scares as: aliens; man getting run over by an SUV; a group of guys becoming suicidal after they all interpreted "business casual" the same way; nearly-defeated first-person-shooter boss Diaper Man (seen above); and naked babe. Here's a trailer to show off all that NSFW content. Prepare to fear sports utility vehicles and nudity more than you even did before.

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Casting Things: Michelle Williams, Joel Edgerton Getting Robbed; Philip Seymour Hoffman Getting Upset Again

2013-05-15T21:01:24Z

- Michelle Williams and Joel Edgerton are reportedly attached to star in a remake of the 2009 Italian film The Double Hour. Maria Full of Grace's Joshua Marston is writing and directing the psychological thriller, which will see the stars playing a couple who fall victim to a dangerous robbery. In a missed opportunity, the result is not Batman.

]]> - Philip Seymour Hoffman is set to star in God's Pocket, the feature directing debut of Mad Men's John Slattery. He'll reportedly star alongside Richard Jenkins, Christina Hendricks, and John Turturro as a blue-collar guy "stuck in a life and death struggle between a body he can't bury, a wife he can't please and a debt he can't pay." Which is good, because depressive, unshaven Hoffman is maybe the best Hoffman.

- Adam Sandler's Blended has found a way to feel even more painfully familiar. The project already has the usual elements of a too-attractive romantic interest (Drew Barrymore for the third time), Sandler go-to director Frank Coraci, and a warm setting to allow Sandler to never put on an actual pair of pants. Now, it reportedly also has Chelsea Handler in the role of, you guessed it, Barrymore's best friend. The character has not been described as a lascivious loudmouth perpetually swilling wine, but yes.