I Watch Stuff - The Best Movie News Ever

Plan Out Your Next Nakatomi Plaza Remembrance Visit

2010-02-09T19:26:34Z

I don't know where this originated, but here it is: a neon-coded floor-by-floor breakdown of where each bad guy is killed/incapacitated in Die Hard. Now I know where to place the memorial wreath for the guy I always thought was Huey Lewis. Rest in peace, "Eddie." (Thanks for sharing, Colm.)

You'll See Tim Robbins in That 'Green Lantern'

2010-02-09T18:12:51Z

Because you demanded it: Tim Robbins is now in Green Lantern. The Heat Vision blog has revealed the outspoken liberal actor will play "Senator Hammond, the disapproving father of the movie's villain, Dr. Hector Hammond (Peter Sarsgaard), who becomes infused with psychic powers." Robbins fan can look for his name in both the opening and closing credits, and should expect to see him shake his head solemnly and deliver some scripted dialogue between the two. The article also notes that Robbins has previously been seen in a comic book film, appearing in 1986's adaptation of Marvel's Howard the Duck. That early role really has no relevance to Green Lantern, but let's take a minute to remember how Tim Robbins was in Howard the Duck.

My Prediction For Worst Movie of 2012

2010-02-09T17:05:15Z

Stretch Armstrong, starring the muscley one from Twilight (his second toy-based role in three months!). From Heat Vision:

Taylor Lautner has signed on to star in “Stretch Armstrong,” Universal’s movie based on the Hasbro toy. The studio is also making the movie in 3D, which will push back the release date of the movie from May 15, 2011 to some time in 2012. The story developed for the movie, being produced by Imagine and Hasbro, sees an uptight spy who stumbles across a stretching formula, which he takes and must now adjust to in everyday life and when fighting crime.

I have nothing personal against Taylor Lautner. I find it odd that the only emotions I've seen him portray in photos are elated and dumbfounded, but I don't fault him for being a part of the Twilight thing. You gotta make a living taking your shirt off somewhere. Still though, I want to say right now that this will be the worst movie of 2012, mainly because I can't imagine what a positive review for such an ill-conceived idea could even sound like. "Graciously spares us the terrible Jackie Chan or Eddie Murphy wacky-action spy film you'd expect of the Stretch Armstrong concept by instead giving us a terrible Taylor Lautner wacky-action spy film, which, if nothing else, is at least a blander awful thing"? That's the best I can figure.

Garry Shandling in Movie Posters

2010-02-09T16:36:43Z

Don't ask why; ask only, "more?" Yes, there are more. (Thanks, Kelvin.)

Christopher Nolan Becomes Leader of Superman Mentorship Program

2010-02-09T15:47:44Z

Ever since Bryan Singer's Superman Returns didn't create the kind of Superman-as-a-2006-Halloween-costume buzz they wanted it to, Warner Bros. has been sitting on their hands not knowing what to do with the franchise. Let Bryan Singer make a mediocre sequel? Start it over again? Just let it sit in the closet with your cargo pants and rock tumbler? At last, they've come to a decision: pass it off on someone else and ask, "Hey, can you maybe do something with this?" Deadline Hollywood is reporting Christopher Nolan, the man who rescued Batman from the Pee Wee's Playhouse-level camp, has been asked to join the project in a "godfather" role. What does that mean, aside from Nolan probably doing at least one Brando impression? I have no idea. But at least now no one can claim Warner Bros. isn't doing anything with one of their most valuable characters. They're totally moving forward! Look, they just created a fictional "godfather" position and assigned someone to that! A finished film can't be far behind.

New 'Clash of the Titans' Poster: That's Your Kraken

2010-02-08T23:07:54Z

First rule of poster design: if at first you don't succeed, just keep adding lens flares, motion blur, and teeth. It probably won't help anything, but hey, check out all those sweet teeth! Zeus, Hades, and the Rest of the Gang [UGo]

Captain America Items of Interest

2010-02-08T21:23:10Z

1. This shirtless guy could maybe be Captain America. In a discussion with "Captain Awesome" from Chuck (Ryan McPartlin), Moviehole discovered that the actor has read for the part of the patriotic superhero. "Reading" for a part is basically just like getting an interview for a job, though, so McPartlin shouldn't start figuring out how to use his Captain America employee discount just yet. 2. Red Skull will be the villain. You know that comic book character whose head is a red skull rather than a human head? Well, that's Red Skull, and he's going to be the guy Captain America fights. 3. The film takes place primarily around WWII. Captain America will remain a member of THE GREATEST GENERATION. Director Joe Johnston said:

Virtually the entire story except the bookends are in World War II because we all recognize we have one chance to tell the origin story of how he became Captain America, you can't tell a modern story and then go back and tell the origin story.

So, presumably the film ends the same way the 1992 Mel Gibson film Forever Young begins. 4. The Invaders will have a large presence. The superhero group whose members have included Namor, Union Jack, a Human Torch who looks exactly like the Fantastic Four Human Torch but is an android, and other little-known characters will dominate much of the latter half of the film, and there will be six of them. Good thing comic book movies aren't known for becoming clusterfucks of characters, or this could become a clusterfuck of characters! 5. Captain America has a really awesome shield. Seriously, it's probably the best shield I can think of. (Thanks to: Kevin, our greatest examiner of comics.)

Films That Gave Us 'Bennifer (II)' and 'Brangelina' Getting Rebooted

2010-02-08T19:57:53Z

That's right, Hollywood is going to take another stab at Daredevil and Mr. and Mrs. Smith, the films with such sexually arousing flirt-fighting that the actors were helpless to resist becoming actual celebrity couples. Deadline Hollywood has the story on Daredevil, explaining that the rights to the character will revert back to Marvel unless Fox cranks out another shit film every few years. Thus, the studio has hired on the writer of The Day the Earth Stood Still (Keanu Edition) to craft a script that will attempt to wash the flavor of Mark Steven Johnson's 2003 effort from our braintongues. Meanwhile, a Mr. and Mrs. Smith reboot with all-new Mr. and Mrs. is also reportedly happening. Not exactly a remake, the new film would "serve as an origin story about a similar but differently named couple, showing how a pair of twentysomething spies are set up as a fake married couple when they graduate agency training." All the natural Leap Year comedy of a pretending-to-be-married odd-couple scenario plus sexy action! And of course, to make it a proper reboot, I assume producers are already at work figuring out a way for the new cast to somehow bring another drawn-out public misery to Jennifer Aniston. Should be interesting to find out if these gambles will pay off: will audiences of 2011 be able to digest the archaic, bygone concepts of 2003 to 2005?

Dr. Venkman Almost Definitely a Ghostbuster Ghost

2010-02-08T18:46:24Z

So, Sigourney Weaver isn't a rambling lunatic after all--she's a spoileress! (A lady spoiler-deliverer!) In a new interview, Bill Murray has confirmed Dana Barrett's earlier claim that Venkman would appear in the upcoming Ghostbusters sequel as a ghost:

"I'll come back in Ghostbusters III only if I get to be a ghost," [said Murray.] "I said to them, 'I'll do it if you kill me off in the first reel.' So now they are going to have me as a ghost in the film."

I guess this also confirms the rumors that the next Ghostbusters will be a "passing of the torch." Just as I had to buy both the normal Venkman "Real Ghostbusters" figure and the one where his eyes pop out in fright, so too will the next generation have to buy both a living Venkman and a rarer, blue translucent plastic ghost variant.

Weekend Box Office: 'Avatar' Dethroned By Step Up/Mean Girl Romance

2010-02-08T17:16:30Z

1. Dear John - $32.4 million, a higher-than-expected gross for a film based on a Judd Hirsch sitcom. (Or a Ralph Bates sitcom, you Brits.) 2. Avatar - $23.6 million. Ah, yes. Avatar. 3. From Paris with Love - $8.1 million. It's starting to seem like the kids these days don't even care when John Travolta shaves his head and shoots a bunch of guns anymore. 4. Edge of Darkness - $7 million. It's starting to seem like the kids these days don't even care when Mel Gibson shouts about his missing/dead offspring anymore. 5. Tooth Fairy - $6.5 million. No one ever cared about hockey players being tooth fairies, and still don't. Weekend Box Office Results [Box Office Mojo]

'Prince of Persia' Super Bowl Spot: This Guy Really Wants a Particular Knife

2010-02-08T16:11:02Z

Just in case you missed this Super Bowl spot last night because you a) didn't watch the Super Bowl, b) were still trying to figure out why the Doritos ads were all clearly concepts someone thought of stoned (dude, what if there was like a Dorito samurai???), or c) were distracted by someone asking you if the multiple dot-com ads meant your party had time-traveled back to 2001, here's the latest ad for Prince of Persia. Sounds like Jake Gyllenhaal really wants someone to hand him a dagger:]]> Sheesh, someone give this guy his dagger already.

Next Up on Nick: Jessica Simpson's Dad

2010-02-05T20:38:05Z

Doug Funny. Pete Wrigley (Big & Little). iCarly. Joe Simpson, fame-whoring father of Jessica and Ashlee Simpson. What do they have in common? They're all popular (or soon to be!) Nickelodeon characters:

Joe Simpson, father and manager of pop stars Jessica and Ashlee Simpson, has teamed with veteran tween and teen series producer Tommy Lynch for a comedy series project set up at Nickelodeon. The untitled show will be loosely based on Simpson's real-life experience as a psychologist raising two daughters in Texas. The story in the comedy project centers on one of the daughters who begins imitating her father and giving life advice to other kids in her school.

Kids are going to love this. Not because of the premise of combining the short-lived WB sitcom Raising Dad, Alan Thicke's dad character from Growing Pains, and Lucy from Peanuts (which in itself makes a hit cocktail) but simply because kids love Joe Simpson. Kids love all greedy celebrity dads. If Nickelodeon were smart, they'd relaunch GUTS with Michael Lohan as host and the Culkin dad as Mo. Instead of the Aggo Crag, the exciting finale would feature kids joyously racing to scale a foam replica of Billy Ray Cyrus's head, while doing their best to concentrate as the blaring speakers that line his glitter-spraying mullet shout his fatherly demands. "Make more money! Show more skin! Transform into Hannah Montana now!" It's a surefire hit.

If Some Famous Filmmakers Directed the Super Bowl

2010-02-05T19:09:33Z

You know the deal. Some famous directors have distinctive styles and techniques they're known for; here's those styles applied to something else--specifically, a football game. Classic internet video formula. This has convinced me we need to get either Jean-Luc Godard or Werner Herzog to direct the Super Bowl next year:]]> this hypothetical Super Bowl. (Thanks for tipping, Sam.) And while we're on the subject, here's if Wes Anderson made Spider-Man. Apparently he'd just literally use characters from his previous films? (Thanks for also tipping, Zane.)

James Cameron's Lost, Slightly-Less-Popular-Than-'Avatar' Classic Found!

2010-02-05T18:36:15Z

If you're as avid a reader of Director Wedlock or Filmmaking Bride as me, then you probably already know that the two frontrunners for this year's Academy Award for Best Director, The Hurt Locker's Kathryn Bigelow and Avatar's James Cameron, were married from '89 to '91. But did you know that, prior to that, Cameron directed his future wife in an atrocious 1988 music video for Bill Paxton's band Martini Ranch (Bill Paxton used to be in a band called "Martini Ranch"), a video that also featured appearances by Paxton's Aliens co-stars Lance Henriksen, Paul Reiser and Jenette Goldstein, as well as Judge Reinhold for no reason? Of course not, because if you did, you wouldn't be here. You'd be on a ranch somewhere, sipping martinis and shouting the new one-word anthem you're basing your life around: REACH! Watch:]]> (from: Movieline)

The New Films That Still Probably Won't Beat 'Avatar' Are...

2010-02-05T18:11:39Z

As always, check your local listings for showtimes and other films I was too lazy to type out. Dear John Director: Lasse Hallstrom Starring: Channing Tatum, Amanda Seyfried, Richard Jenkins Good if you want to see: The Notebook, now with Step Up, Mean Girl, and 9/11 context. From Paris with Love Director: Pierre Morel Starring: John Travolta, Jonathan Rhys Meyers Good if you want to see: John Travolta's overacting follow-up to Pelham 1 2 3; yet another reminder of how Travolta squandered his post-Pulp Fiction revival. How long until a sequel to the one where he's an angel? Frozen (limited) Director: Adam Green Starring: Shawn Ashmore, Emma Bell, Kevin Zegers Good if you want to see: Open Water where the "open water" equals "broken ski lift in the mountains," "drowning" equals "freezing," and "sharks" equal "wolves"; the kid from Air Bud and MVP: Most Valuable Primate shockingly starring in a film not involving an animal athletic phenom. District 13: Ultimatum (limited) Director: Patrick Alessandrin Starring: Cyril Raffaelli, David Belle Good if you want to see: same district (as the first District 13), new ultimatum! Same parkour, also!