I Watch Stuff - Probably The Worst Movie Blog You've Ever Seen

'Anchorman 2' Poster Wears Some Familiar Slacks

2012-05-16T13:21:14Z

By the bird or facial hair of whatever your chosen god, here's the teaser poster for Anchorman: The Legend Continues, which is seemingly what we're calling this Anchorman follow-up now. As mentioned yesterday, this banner goes along with a teaser trailer attached to tonight's Dictator opening, and then Ron Burgundy will go away to for a couple years before we ever see the sequel that I still can't believe is happening. So get teased, but not too teased. Just right teased.

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Anchorman: The Legend Continues First Official Poster [Lebanese Cinema Movie Guide]

Michel Gondry's 'We and the I' Trailer: Meet the Kids on Public Transit You're Constantly Afraid Will Start Teasing You

2012-05-15T19:25:12Z

Back when we first learned Michel Gondry was making film that would put 35 non-actor kids from the Bronx on a bus, I just sort of assumed that "bus" meant "discarded refrigerator box with beach ball wheels and dreams for fuel" and "non-actor kids" meant, I don't know, "physically-manifested whimsy," but this first trailer for that film now reveals I could not have been more wrong in my self-satisfied pigeonholing. Titled The We and the I, the film looks like something of a naturalistic departure from the usual, charming Gondry quirks--even compared to something like Green Hornet. As it turns out, the bus is just a regular public bus, and the kids are just a bunch of typical, screaming, obnoxious high schoolers going home on their final day of school, and we're shown just a regular slice of their lives. So there. See the trailer below, but beware, it spoils that the girl who said she wouldn't see a movie with this dude is totally going to see a movie with him after all.

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'Lorax' Pretty Morbid with Its Easter Eggs

2012-05-15T19:02:05Z

Hah! It's funny because the animator who did this wished he would die.

"Kill Me Now": An Artist's Plea For Help? [CartoonBrew] (via)

'A Cat in Paris' Trailer: Spielberg Can Finally See What Beat 'Tintin' for an Oscar Nod

2012-05-15T18:29:15Z

Opening June 1 in select locations, A Cat in Paris is one of the two GKIDS-distributed foreign films to have won a Best Animated Feature nomination over Tintin--partially because the Academy's old guy voters are confused and fearful of whatever soul-stealing technology Tintin employed, but also because A Cat in Paris is supposed to be a beautifully-crafted fun little film.

The plot involves a cat who by day lives with a police inspector investigating the murder of her husband, by night assists a home-robbing cat burglar, giving us a glimpse of both sides of the law, and another example of how cats are allegiance-less assholes who cannot be trusted. Here's the trailer for the film. You will especially like it if you appreciate the art style "something I imagine being in Starbucks."

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'Moonrise Kingdom' Featurettes Show Us Who Bill Murray, Bruce Willis Are

2012-05-15T17:02:10Z

Not a lot of new footage in these new featurettes from Wes Anderson's latest, but you will get a lot of behind-the-scenes moments from the production that will make you really wish you were there skipping rocks and falling off bikes with Bill Murray, Bruce Willis, Ed Norton, and the director--each of whom have been given their own unique introduction below. You will also have the shit charmed out of you by featurette host Bob Balaban, who here, with his light-hearted, guiding narration, proves we have been absolutely stupid not to have him hosting a Blue's Clues-like children's program. Balaban's Plans? I don't know. We'll figure it out later. Just get him on PBS by 10 AM tomorrow.

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'Children of Men' Director's Sandra Bullock-Starring 'Gravity' Delayed Until 2013

2012-05-15T16:04:18Z

Alfonso Cuarón's eagerly-anticipated sci-fi follow-up to the amazing Children of Men has been delayed until next year, because we have frankly done nothing to deserve it this year. Try harder, everyone.

]]> The delay is just another in a long line of prolonged troubles faced by the film: originally set up at Universal as a vehicle for Angelina Jolie and Robert Downey Jr., Gravity was then moved to Warner Bros., where Downey was replaced by Clooney and Jolie's role as a stranded astronaut was reportedly auditioned for and/or offered to several actresses before finally going to Sandra Bullock. Reaction to early screenings of the film has been decidedly polarized, but the rumored 20-minute-long single take and memories of all those Children of Men are enough to keep me optimistic.

While the film was originally scheduled for a November release, Warner's official statement on the new release date is a vague "unscheduled 2013," so Prometheus had better deliver. There's no telling how long we'll have to ration out those heavy, contemplative science fiction themes.

'Good Doctor' Trailer: Orlando Bloom Actually a Crazy Doctor, It Turns Out

2012-05-15T14:54:05Z

Is The Good Doctor a carefully-shot Sundance drama or an ironically-titled Lifetime Original Movie meant to further frighten women against men and hospitals? Is star Orlando Bloom really a "good doctor," or is he a very bad doctor with a proclivity for poisoning anyone it takes to hold on to a patient he's obsessed with? This first trailer for The Good Doctor asks these questions, then seems to let the former options sorrowfully crawl out the window with Orlando Bloom's little boy haircut.

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The Good Doctor comes from Kisses director Lance Daly, with a script from Veronica Mars and Party Down writer John Enbom, suddenly making this all a little more interesting. Dishearteningly, the film will be available first on iTunes July 27th before hitting theaters a month later, which, as J.K. Simmons will authoritatively tell you, is generally not a good sign.

'Anchorman' Teaser Riding 'Dictator' to Pleasure Town

2012-05-15T14:09:13Z

It's been rumored since last week, but at last Ron Burgundy himself has confirmed: pronounced mustache and wacky beard will come together as fully ridiculous facial hair, with an Anchorman 2 teaser attached to The Dictator. As Burgundy anachronistically tweeted:

]]> Dont get Twirter. Anchorman2 teaser w Dictator tom night. Dont know what a teaser is. World is crazy? Having a scotch.

The sequel isn't due until sometime between Christmas 2013 and March 2014, so inhale Ron's musk deeply, because you're going to miss it.

Channing Tatum Will Save the White House; Also, He's a Single Dad

2012-05-15T12:50:52Z

It seems Channing Tatum shall be our Murphy Brown of Die Hard scenarios, nobly highlighting the tiring strain of both single parenthood and fighting a bunch of terrorists while largely unclothed from the waist up.

]]> Tatum is in talks to star in White House Down, director Roland Emmerich previously-reported action-thriller that deals with the Die Hard-like scenario of a single man against a group of terrorists that have taken over a building. As the film's title heavily implies, said taken-over building is the White House, thus placing the U.S. executive branch in peril similar to Air Force One, but on the ground this time, which is kind of less exciting. Tatum would play a Secret Service agent who, like John McClane, must take on the terrorists alone and probably also strip down to a tank top as quickly as possible. Tatum's character also "happens to be a single dad," because that indeed happens sometimes. That's why we have Full House and I Am Sam.

Just to be clear, this is a different film than Olympus Has Fallen, the action-thriller wherein Gerard Butler will save the White House. That fim is slightly different because Butler plays a FORMER Secret Service guy who also just happens to be at the White House the day Die Hard is occurring. Once you've become famous for your abs and starred in a lachrymose romance about brain trauma, apparently all roads lead to White House rescue?

'Amazing Spider-Man' Four-Minute Preview: Spidey Saves Kid, and Wow, That Kid Is C. Thomas Howell's Son

2012-05-15T12:12:47Z

Once able to defend himself as alter-ego "Pony-Boy" and, later, the darker "Soul-Man," C. Thomas Howell turns to a fellow superhero to save his son in this clip from the upcoming Amazing Spider-Man. Following the clip, there's also an extended version of something like the last trailer for the film. Both sections of the preview confirm this new Spider-Man is extremely excited to remove his mask and show off how resilient his hair product is.

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Oh shit, guys, New York is facing the threat of green stuff AND an explosion of blue stuff! That is so much stuff, Spider-Man. You should probably take your mask off for this.

Here's What Ashton Kutcher Looks Like in His Steve Jobs Costume

2012-05-14T21:26:40Z

Like an episode of Two and a Half Men in which Ashton Kutcher puts on a mock turtleneck and some jeans. (See these jeans below.)

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From TMZ, these are the first set shots from the upcoming Steve Jobs biopic that director Joshua Michael Stern decided should include the male lead from No Strings Attached. As seen above in black turtleneck, faded jeans, and running shoes, there's no doubt Kutcher looks unmistakably Jobsian sauntering around with his iced coffee. But as Steve Jobs fanboys who have read all the Steve Jobs comics will no doubt notice, there are some technical issues with the costume: the jeans aren't quiet dad-like enough, the sneakers should be New Balance, and, more crucially, the youthful Jobs the film is said to focus on wouldn't be wearing this uniform until he tired of picking out clothes many years later.

Still, we probably shouldn't judge it all too harshly, as this is just a paparazzi shot that may not be representative of the final product. For all we know, they'll CGI his jeans into more of a taper. Or maybe Kutcher is just wearing this outfit on a day off, perhaps inspired by Daniel Day-Lewis's tendency for method acting and arbitrarily getting lunch in a Steve Jobs outfit. But what we should judge harshly is the film's supposed new title, Jobs: Get Inspired, because it sounds like a poorly-attended after-school career workshop. Someone should fix that.

'The Raid' Remade with Clay Cats

2012-05-14T20:35:11Z

Lee Hardcastle, the claymation animator who realized the horrors of The Thing through Pingu's wide eyes, has now put together an abbreviated yet way gorier version of The Raid, now with clay cats doing all that film's awesome shit. If you have not seen The Raids: firstly, you should do that, because so much awesome shit happens. Secondly, you should still watch this, because these hyper-violent Play-Doh housepets are pretty respectful about parodying rather than spoiling the original's marginal narrative, so it's fine.

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Taylor Lautner Will Be Bike Messenger with Sexy People and Parkour

2012-05-14T18:58:09Z

There hasn't been much progress on Taylor Lautner playing "19-year-old extreme-sports athlete" Max Steel, but the Twilight werewolf will nonetheless ab-muscle his way into becoming the extreme, radical dude of a new generation of Mountain Dew sponsorship.

]]> THR reports Lautner is attached to star in the Daniel Benmayor-directed action-thriller Tracers, in which he'll play "a hot New York City bicycle messenger who is debt to an organized crime gang." That setup sounds sort of like Premium Rush, the action-thriller that stars Joseph Gordon-Levitt as a [hot] bike messenger on the run from the corrupt Michael Shannon, but Tracers raises the stakes by tacking on additional extreme and sexy things. It seems our hot bike messenger hero will crash his sweet fixie into "a sexy stranger," and then, with her being sexy and all, Lautner will be "immediately seduced by her and the thrill of the world of Parkour." Because this sexy stranger is apparently also in on the thrilling world of Parkour. Biking AND jumping around off walls! This guy is going to be so extreme, but also so conscious of his carbon footprint.

The film is being produced by Temple Hill Entertainment's Marty Bowen and Wyck Godfrey, who also produced the Twilight franchise and evidently see a promising future in which their star transitions from jumping around as a CGI wolf into jumping around as a bicyclist debtor. That's the game plan, Team Jacob.

'Fast/Furious' Series Cut Down to Just the Awesome Gear Shifting

2012-05-14T18:21:12Z

As anyone who has watched the Fast/Furious franchise knows, the most exciting and believable recurring character is the gear shifter, whose appreciable on-screen changes propel the story and give something to cut to between screeching tire shots. Well, now the same guy who edited Kickboxer down to just kicking has also trimmed the entire Fast series to just the gear shifting, so you can finally watch that dramatic arc unfold free of the burdens of plot and the one element more phallic than the gear stick: Vin Diesel's head.

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It's like watching me at an arcade, back when I was too young or drunk to realize I had to put quarters in if I actually wanted to play Outrun.

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Pee-wee Herman Movie 'Going Great' and Happening 'Any Minute' (Supposedly)

2012-05-14T16:33:21Z

Providing an update on the Pee-wee movie he last danced across our bars almost two years ago, Paul Reubens recently teased the Judd Apatow-produced film is going to happen "any minute, supposedly."

]]> Speaking to ComingSoon, Reubens spoke of his progress on turning the Pee-wee films into the least likely trilogy ever, saying:

"That's any minute, supposedly. It's going great. We have a meeting this coming week. We just did a very quick little rewrite on it. As far as I know it's getting shot very soon."

Apparently the reason for the long time with no update is that news initially leaked earlier than it was meant to:

"I actually wasn't supposed to talk about it initially," Reubens explained of the long delay since word of the project broke. "I was talking about it in this very veiled, secret way going, 'Oh, I wish I could talk about it.' ...It got leaked about six months to a year before it was supposed to."

Exciting news for the Tonight Show writers' room, where an unused joke about Pee-wee's "public release management" has now suddenly become relevant again! But also pretty exciting news for we Pee-wee fans, as recently-renewed goodwill toward the character and Judd Apatow's involvement virtually guarantee this film will be a fun and cameo-filled adventure to rival The Muppets. Plus, with the movie hypothetically wrapping up an extended, disjointed trilogy, perhaps it will at least reveal what the fuck Pee-wee is, anyway.