April 21, 2006
Angelina Jolie Prepares For Tomb Raider 3
Tomb sanctity is in jeopardy, again! In between making preparations for the birth of the most sexually appealing infant in the world and adopting things, Angelina Jolie has agreed to star in the third installment of the monumentally frivolous Tomb Raider film franchise. Disingenuously bisexual women everywhere will tout the Oscar-winning actress as their sole lesbian desire more than ever, according to a source:
Angelina is already in training to make sure she gets rid of her post-pregnancy bulge. She wants to be in tip-top shape and look better in Lara's outfit than ever.
Fans of synergy should note note that the latest Tomb Raider game is currently enjoying surprising success, and my Pregnancy Fetishists Anonymous sponsor, Cory, should note that I've fallen off the wagon again. One day at a time, man. One day at a time.
Previous Entries
Marie-Antoinette French Posters
With Sofia Coppola's Marie-Antoinette set to debut at Cannes, the official French posters have been released. Kirsten Dunst stars in the film, but with her face cleverly concealed here, I'm forced to question if this really is the actress on the poster. Only one woman I know wears a hat so carefully positioned over one eye...Carmen Sandiego! I knew you were in France, you bitch.
See the second poster, and learn how "brain dead" is the new "looking at all attractive," after the cut.
Leonard Cohen: I'm Your Man Trailer
Even if you're not a fan of his music, check out the trailer for the documentary of this music legend, Leonard Cohen: I'm Your Man. It features an interview and performance with U2, and if Bono can take time from his busy schedule for it, so can you. His involvement cost the lives of hundreds upon thousands of starving Africans he could have otherwise been playing a benefit for, or meeting with world leaders about. So keep that in mind as you watch, you mindless butcher.
More Shots From Superman Returns
Whether or not you're excited enough for Superman Returns to still care about the seemingly endless stream of images that keep coming, you have to appreciate an old woman forcing a man in black spandex to pet himself. And I guarantee it will cost you twice as much to see at a bachelor party.
More new shots of Lex Luthor, Lois Lane, and other bullshit under the cut.
Penelope Cruz in Volver
Dark Horizons has some images from the new Pedro Almodovar film, Volver, starring Penelope Cruz. Almodovar wrote and directed the critically acclaimed Talk to Her and Bad Education, so this is one to take a look at. Plus, the pictures are all of Penelope Cruz looking sexy, so you can rest assured the film will have that, if nothing else. Unless you're one of the people who keeps telling me she looks like a rat. You're wrong, she's hot, not a rat. Even* when she's being sniffed by a strange man.
*Particularly.
Pirates of the Caribbean 2 Character Images
Have you ever wondered what it would look like if street artists drew caricatures of homeless vagrants as mermen? You're in luck! The artists down at Disney have done just that for you, though they claim it's from Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest:
Here's a first look at conceptual designs and maquette busts of two members from Davy Jones' crew. Hadras & Maccus sail aboard the Flying Dutchman, their bodies assimilating elements of the sea itself under the curse of Davy Jones.
I know a lot of people are going to come down on how shitty this art looks, but I know from personal experience that this kind of thing looks better in a real life, since I've actually seen them in person. My high school's mascot was the Fightin' Sea Hobo.
See another under the cut.
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